BirthMom Buds Bulletin April 2005

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!

Secret Sisters ~ We will be doing secret sisters for birthmom's day again this year! Brandy M has agreed to be in charge of this gift exchange for the 2nd year in a row. Thanks Brandy. The secret sister program was started last year for birthmoms who exchange a small gift with another birthmom. If you want more details or wish to participate, please visit the secret sister page.
Birth family's Anonymous Meeting ~ Sonia of www.birth-moms.com asked us to announce the upcoming meeting for bmoms and their families on April 20th at 10/9 pm CST. If you do wish to attend, please let Sonia know before hand so she can set up a chat service that will work for everyone.
Showcase pages and Poems ~ Check out the new showcase pages for Tracy V., Olvia, and Nichol. Two new poems, My Little Angel by Olvia Garcia and I Love You for You by April Haberman, are up on the Inspirational Page. If you have a poem you would like to submit or if you are interested in having your story on the Birthmom Showcase, please email Coley.
Birthmother's Day Info ~ May 7th is Birthmother's Day! If you have something going on in your area or if you have something fun planned, we want to know about it! If you don't know much about Birthmom's day then please visit the Birthmother's Day page for history on how this day was started plus other links about Birthmother's Day. BirthMom Buds on the west coast and in the south are both busy coordinating Bmom's day events in their areas. Margie is coordinating a celebration for bmoms on the west coast. This event will be in Spokane, WA and insterested bmoms can email Margie for more details. Coley and Lani are coordinating another event in Greenville, SC. You can email them for more details as well. Both events are open to any birthmoms.
BirthMother's Day Cards ~ Check out the birthmother's day cards that Coley, Jenn, and Lani have been working on.

Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.

Many parents read this astounding collection of works to their children all over the world. Children take to his adverse way of reading from the get go. The Rhythm and the Rhyme.Child Psychologists have put this to work in regards to adoption. "Where is my mommy?" This book is about a little bird that falls from its nest at birth. The little bird walks around for some time asking other animals if they are its mom! The other animal point out the small differences between them and the bird. When the little bird finally finds its mother it is thrilled, overjoyed, and happy to be with its mother. I chose this book not only because I myself am a reunited adoptee, but I am a birthmom. I bought this exact book for my birthson. In hopes that his *new mom* will read it to him and he will someday associate himself with the Little Bird.

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas from gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.

Open adoption involves sharing confidential information like full names and addresses, before or at the time of the placement of the child with the adoptive family.

In an open adoption, you will develop an ongoing relationship with the adoptive family and the child. You can choose, meet, and interview the family who you desire to adopt your child. You are allowing the adoptive parents to parent and raise your child but you will still remain in contact with your child. The amount of ongoing contact between you and your child and the adoptive family is agreed upon by both parties and varies from situation to situation. Ongoing contact between the birth parents and adoptive parents take place after the child has been placed with the adoptive family. This could be receiving pictures, visiting with the child as he/she grows, attending special functions with the extended family members, etc. There will be direct correspondence between the birth family and the adoptive family.

In this type of adoption you can communicate directly with the adoptive parents instead of going through an agency. You can develop a deeper relationship with the family. Information is shared easily between the two parties in an open adoption. The child has direct access to his biological medical history.

Some adoptive families are not comfortable with the birth parents participating in the child's life after placement. Also most birthparents are still very connected to their child in the first year of his/her life. After this time, most birthparents move on with their life and are dating someone else, gone back to school, or started a new job. Basically they move on with their life and even though they still think of the child they don't need or want that constant contact. They feel secure in their decision of placing their child for adoption.

When a birthparent decides to drop out of that child's life it will be another loss in the child's life. In making the decision to have an open adoption you are making the choice to commit the next 18 years of your life to be available for your child as he/she grows up. You will do well in an open adoption relationship if you view yourself as a friend of the adoptive family as the child grows up. You will no longer be mother or father. You will need to be accepting of the entire adoptive family and build a relationship with them based on what is best for the child. In an open adoption relationship, children grow up knowing the circumstances of why they were placed for adoption and that they are loved by their family members---the parents who adopted them and by the birthparents

Note about the author: Margie participates in an open adoption with her daughter and her daughter's adoptive family.

Prayers Please ~ We have decided to add this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)

"I am asking for prayers for the parents of my bson David. David is a rebellious teenager and his parents are in need of prayers through this situation with a firm message, but gentle hand and a loving heart. I am also asking for your prayers for my strength to continue to respect their role as his parents. Thanks." Tracy V.

Birthday Buds!
Amy Morse's birth daughter Kaylee turned 1 on Jan 31 and Amy had the bright idea that BirthMom Buds should give members the opportunity to announce their birthdays and their birth children's bdays in the newsletter. If you would like to have your or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this new section of the newsletter, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is May 21, then you need to email it to Amy by April 25th! So email Amy with those May birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section and thanks to Amy for her help with it!

Lisa Scheen's son, Tyler, will be 13th on April 19th.
Traci Gomez's birthday is April 27th.

Founder's Corner: A new little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

Some of you who are close to Lani and Coley know that Lani had a baby back in October. We have been careful not to mention this too much as we remember when we were new bmoms, how we felt when others had babies, so we have tried to be sensitive to our new birthmoms in that regard. But many of you have been asking lately, so Lani thought it would be ok to share a little.....

Recently, Lani and Coley got together for a springy Sunday afternoon when Lani's son, Nicholas (named after Coley) was christened. We love getting together for each other's special events. Thought we would share a picture taken at lunch afterwards.

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.

My Sweet Child
A poem by new birthmom, Nichol Zdunowski

My sweet child I miss you so,
So many reasons why I let you go.
My love for you will never fade away,
In hopes that we will meet one day.
I miss you more then you'll ever know,
I wrote this to tell you so.
My Little Girl you'll always be,
Because your a part of me.
I think of you night and day,
Even the reasons why I gave you away.
Even though I'm down and Blue,
I only wanted the best for you.