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BirthMom Buds Bulletin
What's new with BirthMom
Buds: Just a
little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.
Juno Review Disclaimer: Because of the mixed reactions from many birthmothers upon the release of the movie Juno, we feel it necessary to add a disclaimer to this article. Please keep in mind that this is a movie review. Movies are entertainment and often don’t imitate real life in a totally realistic matter. Also know that the thoughts and opinions expressed in the article are those of the author and not necessarily the thoughts and opinions of all of the BirthMom Buds Staff. Birthmothers may feel free to share their thoughts both good and bad about the movie in the private, birthmothers only forums. The story of Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page) follows a “confidently frank” 16-year-old girl on an emotional nine-month adventure into adulthood. Juno is a quick-witted and distinctively unique individual who walks to her own tune and lives by her own rules. Her life takes a major turn when she decides to have intercourse with her unassuming friend Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera). Soon after, she decides to take 3 pregnancy tests only to confirm her suspicions that she is in fact pregnant with Bleeker’s baby. Juno initially considers abortion, but after a visit to the abortion center she has a change of heart and decides to make an adoption plan. She and her best friend, Leah (Olivia Thirlby), set out to find the perfect adoptive parents only to discover a couple, Mark & Vanessa, with an ad in the local Pennysaver newspaper seeking to adopt a child. Juno informs her father and stepmother of the news. Although they are initially wary of her pregnancy, they rally the support behind their daughter. Juno and her father go to meet the couple from the Pennysaver at their upscale suburban house. Juno immediately strikes up a friendship with the potential adoptive father, Mark, an out of work composer who, like Juno, loves rock music and horror films. Vanessa, the potential adoptive mom, on the other hand, is very wary of Juno at first because a previous birthmom “got cold feet.” As her body is physically changing, Juno goes through a mental change as well as she struggles with her true feelings for Bleeker, who is clearly in love with her. As Juno approaches her due date, there is an interesting and unexpected plot twist involving the potential adoptive parents. This causes Juno to reflect on her feelings for Bleeker and the decision she is about to make. I don’t want to spoil the ending so you will just have to see the movie to find out what happens. Overall, I feel like this movie portrays adoption in a very honest and positive light. Some of the storyline is a bit obscure but I understand it helps to movie tell a story and flow better. Juno opts for a “closed” adoption but still meets the adoptive parents. The only real way it is closed is her choosing not to see her baby after the birth. As most of us know, closed adoptions do not usually occur this way. The only other part I felt was kind of “off” was the relationship she builds with Mark, the potential adoptive father. She pays him frequent visits, which does not seem very realistic to me. What is genuine is the array of emotions Juno goes through along her pregnancy journey. Being that she is in high school, she continues to attend even though she is stared at and surely talked about by fellow classmates. She also struggles with her relationship with the birthfather who she initially pushes away before she can decide if she is truly in love with him or not. She also experiences very genuine and real grief at the loss and relinquishment of her baby, which I found very relatable. This was an incredibly well done movie about adoption. I am always wary of the way adoptions are portrayed by the media, but this movie was something I could honestly relate to. It was witty, smart and has a heartwarming lesson and storyline. Regardless of your adoption story, I feel it is something that birthparents can relate to on many different levels and in many different ways. Juno is out on DVD April 15 and has won numerous awards including an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay.
Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
My Journey of Awareness In my quest to find my ‘birthmom identity’ I have stumbled across a new me. I have found new and courageous ways to raise awareness about adoption. I never thought that I would be the speaking kind. I have always feared getting up in public. In fact, when I started out, I had to lean myself against a podium or nearby wall to mask that I may pass out from my anxiety. I somehow mustered up the courage to go on and I still get nervous, but the anxiety has eased greatly. I have come to learn that there is nothing to fear. I have come to speak to these people and to share my story. It’s mine to share. I know it. I own it. Do I have some very useful information and insights for these people who I speak to? Absolutely. Do I learn and grow every time I speak? Absolutely. So why not continue this? I have spoken to Pregnancy Clinics, groups of prospective adoptive families through the County, and I have also shared my story with close to 50 High School students in my area. I have gone to the schools now 4 times, always speaking to a small group of pregnant or teen moms. Among the many great reasons why I enjoy this and choose to continue:
An important thing that I always keep in mind is, to always be honest and open about my story. If I’m not honest about it or if I keep something and hold back, they will see right through me, and then my purpose is wasted. I am always open to whatever questions they have for me and I am always willing to share. Otherwise, why am I there? The high school students always have some interesting questions! One of the greatest fulfillments for me is being able to answer questions. I will never forget this one question that came from a prospective family member: “What would you do if the family ever decided to stop contact with you?” (I have a semi-open adoption and receive photos 2 times a year.) My answer was able to include information from other birthmoms that I know that have experienced this. I tell them exactly what I’ve seen it do to someone else. I get the opportunity to tell them how it affects a birthmother when a family chooses to do this. While it doesn’t ease the burden of the birthmother it’s happened to, maybe this family will think of what I told them if they ever decide to try and stop contact. Maybe, just maybe, it will get this family to think about it and they won’t do it. Another thing I always keep in mind is, to never preach about anything. I’m not there to tell anyone what to do. This is my story and how it worked out for me. Plain and simple. My husband (who is my daughter’s birthfather) supports me sharing my story. He has no desire to come with me and hear me speak or share his side of the story. But it means a lot to me to have the opportunity to share. I am always thanked for coming and sharing, but honestly, I get a lot out of it too and usually thank them for letting me share. I encourage you to contact Pregnancy Centers, High Schools, and Adoption Professionals in your area and share your own story!
Buddy of the Month: All of you are appreciated, but each month we will spotlight a different involved member. You can also nominate fellow BirthMom Buds who you think deserve to be buddy of the month. For more info or to nominate a friend, visit the Buddy of the Month Page. Tamra Thomas
Since August 2005, when the Buddy of the Month feature was added to the
Birthmom Buds Bulletin there have been buddies from around the country.
Each of you has been special, appreciated, and deserving. I have had the
pleasure of interviewing many of you and find each of you to be incredible
women. This month's buddy Tamra Thomas is no exception. Congratulations Tamra on being April 2008 buddy of the month!
Prayers Please ~ We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. "Please keep me in your prayers as my ulcer has started acting up again. Thanks!" ~ Coley S. "My brother in law, Bryan, is still over in Iraq. Please keep his unit in your prayers. They lost another three guys from his unit as of 3/30/2008. Also, my husband and I are trying to get pregnant. We are having trouble and not too sure why. The doctor put me on Clomid which makes me very moody. Hubby goes in for testing in mid April. My testing all came back normal." ~ Amy S. Alicia Moser asks that you pray for her neck, shoulder, and back pain to get better.
Birthday Buds: If you would like to have your birthday or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this section, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is November 21, then you need to email it to Amy by October 21st. So email Amy with yours or your child's birthdays. (Note: You can click on the names below to email them or send an e-card.)
Michelle Montgomery's daughter,
Olivia will be 3 on April 1st.
Founder's Corner:
A little
section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their
lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds. We
have some fun and exciting new things planned this year, so you won't want to
miss it! Plus, some of us are staying at the hotel on Friday night and will be
getting together Friday night as well.
Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.
From my Heart
BirthMom Buds Home Page
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an extremely outgoing and friendly woman who was raised in Southern
Missouri. She grew up in a very Christian legalistic family, and was the
rebel middle child with 6 brothers and one sister. She knew right away
in her pregnancy that although she was 22 she would need some constant in
her life to get her though the trying times ahead. Tamara's mother wanted
her to go into a maternity home during the pregnancy, but Tamara had other
ideas and prayed for guidance. Her prayers were answered when Brad
entered her life.
