BirthMom Buds Bulletin
August 2005
"Be glad of life because it gives you
a chance to work, to play, to love,
and to look up at the stars."
~ Henry Van Dyke
What's new with BirthMom Buds:
Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are
doing!
Chats ~ Reminder of our birthmom only chats on Monday nights at 10
pm eastern. We meet in a private yahoo chat room. You must instant message Coley
(princessmuh1) or Lani (myjoshsd2) in order to come to chat. You can sign up for
a reminder of chat on the chat
page. If you do not have yahoo messenger, it can be
downloaded
free.
Buddy of the Month ~ For our older members, you may remember the
buddy of the month section. We did it a few times and then quit due to lack of
space in the old newsletters. Now that we have lots of space, we have decide to
bring this section back to life! Tracy V. will be doing the behind the scenes
work for this section. You may now nominate fellow members for this honor! The
buddy of the month will be announced in the newsletter each month and will also
permanently be mentioned on the
Buddy of the Month
page.
Bmom Survey ~ We are curious to see the differences and alike aspects
of our members' adoptions. Please take a few moments and fill out our short
birthmom survey.
Look for the results to be explained in a future newsletter!
Meet the Staff Page ~ Check out this
new page to meet the
BirthMom Buds "staff."
New Poem ~ Check out the new poems on the
Inspiration page! If
you have poems you'd like to share,
email
them to us!
BirthMom Showcase ~ Check out the new showcase pages for
Dawn Young and
Jessica. If
you'd like to have your own showcase page, email
Coley
for instructions.
Writers needed ~ We are always in need of writers for the
newsletter. If interested in writing an article or if you have something that
you have already written you would like to share, please email
Alicia. If you'd like ideas on
something to write, check out the
newsletter ideas page.
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.
Kate Mulgrew:
The lady who grew in our hearts from Ryan's Hope to the X-Files
By: Alicia M.
Ideas and Insights: Some ideas about gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
Living Life in a Closet
by Tracy Vargason
I think everyone has probably done some things in their lives that they would
be very embarrassed about if others knew about it. As I was sitting down
thinking about this topic , I was wondering what kind of secrets people have?
Are there "common" secrets? For me the list began with of course my decision to
choose adoption, and the fact that I kept this secret from many of my friends,
acquaintances and family members.
I believe that we spend most of our lives "coming out" about various
issues - facing the issues and then moving beyond the limited thinking of
others. The key to conquering that which restrains you is not being centered on
worrying about people’s judgments.
I also believe that Humanity is in the closet on so many issues that we hide
in our own closet because it seems safe. But what are the costs of living life
in a closet? Depression, guilt, denial, anger.... There are wounds in life that
cut so deeply they seem to leave irreparable damage. In an ironic way, we know
that if these wounds are not dealt with they will continue a lifelong
destruction within us and push us deeper into our closet. It is a very difficult
thing to get a handle on pain and allow healing to begin, but is possible if you
focus on dealing with your emotions in a positive way.
When you are able to take a step out of your closet, you will be able to
obtain the many things you only dared dream about. Acceptance is simply
recognizing the things that I can change and the things I cannot. For me, I no
longer have a dark cloud following me because I have changed what I can.
As you make your first or next steps out of the closet keep the following
suggestions in mind. They will help make your journey easier.
Finally if you are looking for advice, here's a hint; safe will always be boring, risks will always be exciting, and closets will always be dark!
Prayers Please ~ We have decided to add this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)
"Please pray for my daughter Kyli. She has a rare blood disease and we have had to travel all over the state for blood tests. Also pray that a cure will be found for all types of hemophilia blood diseases. Thank You!" ~ Suzi T.
"My husband and I are having many financial problems. Michaela, our daughter, is having possible problems with her kidneys and her behavior is rebellious. And I am still hoping that my birth daughter's parents will include me in her life." ~ Alicia M
"Please pray that my daughter Angelina and I do well with our move to South Carolina. We were living in California with my father who was out of control. Please keep us in your prayers ~ Thank you." ~ Olvia G.
Birthday Buds:If you would like to have your own birthday or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this section of the newsletter, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is Sept 21, then you need to email it to Amy by Aug 25th.! So email Amy with those Sept. birthdays now!
Blair Buckler's daughter, Elisabeth Grace, will turn 1 on August 13th.
Founder's Corner: A new little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.
Lani and Coley both have the opportunity
to occasionally visit with their children. Lani's birth daughter, Kinsey, was in
Lani's town visiting family this past week and Lani was able to meet Kinsey and
her adoptive parents at the mall and spend a few minutes with them. She hadn't
seen Kinsey since November last year.
Coley was also able to have a visit with her birthson, Charlie, over the
weekend. Charlie and his adoptive family came to Coley's house for a cook out.
Coley had not seen Charlie since Christmas.
Below Coley and Lani share a take on how they felt after their visits.
Lani's view on her visit with Kinsey: My, oh my,
how visiting with Kinsey gets easier and easier as time passes, seeing her
growing in to this beautiful girl fitting in with her great family and watching
the way they enjoy her every moment. I sat back as she ate her ice cream and
bossed her sister and thought how could I have ever not given her this great
life full of fun and love. Sure, I could have fun with her and loved her, "and I
do". But theirs is a different kind of love and I feel she was built to need
both these kinds of love. Like a flower needs water and light to grow she needs
both our love. And so today, I took that away from my visit and felt great about
it. I know my goal with her, I get to love her and become her friend in a way
her parents can't because they have to be her parents first. But not me because
I'm the BIRTHMOM!
Coley's view on her visit with Charlie:
When I “miss” my birthson, Charlie, I
typically think of the baby Charlie; the baby that I held and cared for for 3
short days before I handed him over to his adoptive family. Now, almost 4 years
later, he is not the baby I remember from the hospital. As I visit with Charlie
and his family, I am amazed at his personality, character, and charm. And of
course, his good looks. J I watch him playing with
his sister, I see him sharing his potato chips with his dad, and I feel his
little arms as he gives me a hug. He is the “baby Charlie” I cradled in the
hospital mixed in with the little boy he is becoming. He has my skin tone, my
eyes, his adoptive dad's mannerisms, and his adoptive mom's sense of humor. For
me, visits are bittersweet, he is no longer the baby I mothered, but the bright
boy his family is helping him become. I think the future will be interesting to
see who he is going to become.
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On the Left is Lani and her birth daughter, Kinsey
On the Right is Coley with her birth son, Charlie
*NEW* Section ~ Buddy of the Month: All of you are appreciated, but each month we will spotlight a different involved member. You can also nominate fellow BirthMom Buds who you think deserve to be buddy of the month. For more info or to nominate a friend, visit the Buddy of the Month Page.
August’s Buddy of the Month is Mary B. (known as
Snowy or the Snow Princess in the Monday night chats). Mary is the coordinator
of the Prayer requests portion of the Birthmom Buds Bulletin, has helped
organize card drives for fellow birthmoms, assists in finding graphics for
BirthMom Buds, and is an active participant in Monday night Chat.
As her nickname indicates she collects snowmen, but that has gotten out of hand.
She has also started a collection of painting books. Mary was born in New York,
has moved around quite a bit, and currently resides with her husband in
Tennessee. She is the birth mother to "J", age 26 and has recently been reunited
with "J's" adoptive family . She lovingly waits and prays for a relationship
with her birthson.
Mary’s favorite color is Blue, her favorite beverage is Coca~Cola, and she likes
to read English Mysteries. On a typical day in her life you would find Mary at
her computer where she has a mouse pad with big blue bubbles. Her hero is her
Dad, Richard, and lots of things make her laugh including her family, cartoons,
dogs, kids, and comedy movies. Mary thinks that scientists need to invent a cure
for Cancer, AIDS and Heart issues. Mary owns 40 pairs of shoes and when asked if
she had even eaten an entire box of Oreo’s replied "OH Yes", however she has
never tried sushi and never intends to. In the last 24 hours Mary has had a
serious talk with someone in person, hugged someone, and has done something kind
for someone. She likes to give hugs, does not like to give back rubs and does
not enjoy walks in the rain. She likes to cook and eat and sleep in the day
time. The best concert Mary was ever at was B.B. King and the song that makes
her want to sing out loud is Red Rubber Ball by the Circles. The last thing Mary
said to someone before I called to ask her these questions was "Bye sweetie - I
love you." If Mary could be tied to anyone for 24 hours it would be her birthson and
her favorite quote is "Happy is the Heart that believes in Angels."
In lieu of a
photo of herself, Mary shares a photo of something she painted.
Thank you
Mary for all that you do for Birth Mom Buds!!!
Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.
We Remember Them
Author Unknown
In the rising of the sun
And in its going down,
We remember them.
In the blowing of the wind
And in the chill of winter,
We remember them.
In the opening of the buds
And in the rebirth of spring,
We remember them.
In the rustling of the leaves
And in the beauty of the autumn,
We remember them.
In the beginning of the year
And when it ends,
We remember them.
When we are weary
And in need of strength,
We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart,
We remember them.
When we have joys we yearn to share,
We remember them.
So long as we live,
They too shall live,
For they are a part of us,
As we remember them.
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