BirthMom Buds Bulletin
August 2006
"A perfect summer day is when
the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing,
the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
~James Dent
What's new with BirthMom
Buds: Just a little note to keep you
up to date with all the great things we are doing.
Chat Night ~ We have chats for birthmothers and pregnant women
considering adoption on Monday nights at 10 pm eastern. Chats are hosted in a
private yahoo chat room by invite only, simply IM Coley, Lani, or Suzi. Sign up
for a weekly reminder on the
chat page to be reminded of chats and find out who is hosting chat that
night.
New Poems ~ Check out the new poems on the
Inspiration Page.
Recipes needed ~ Calling all cooks! Submit your favorite recipes
for our new fundraising project. Read the Founders Corner of this issues below
for more details.
Survey ~ Please take a few minutes to answer the
birthmom survey to
help provide us with some statistics and data on our members.
Turn Trash into Cash for BBuds ~ Fellow member Joyce B. has
brought an exciting fundraising opportunity to us. By simply turning in our old
cell phones and used printer cartridges,
Cartridges for Kids,
will make monetary donations to BirthMom Buds. BBuds uses monetary donations for
shipping on the care packages, toll free phone bill, website fees, etc. If you
have an old cell phone or ink cartridges lying around,
email
Joyce and she'll send you a pre-paid postal envelope. This is so easy -
why not tell your friends and family about this too!
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.
A movie review on the
movie Matilda
By Michaela, Alicia’s daughter (age 11) and birthsister to Brittany
In 1996 director Danny DeVito directed a movie called Matilda about a misunderstood child. Her life was turned upside the moment she was born.
When Matilda was 6 and a half, her eye's developed powers that could move
unanimous items to any place she wanted it to. Her powers would only work if she
got angry. And since her mother, father, and brother made her so upset all of
the time, Matilda was able to use her powers quite often.
Yes, it was official; Matilda really did have a kid’s worst life until her
father sold a car to a principal who said Matilda could go to her school if he
gave her the car. When her father came home from work that day, he told Matilda
the news and also saying, ''Yea, yea, yea." You get a real education at this
place. But he only said that so Matilda who stop hugging him.
Matilda loved to go to school because she loved to learn. And Matilda was
surprised to see that her principal was a mother from hell and her teacher was
an angel from heaven. She quickly grew very close to her new teacher. She and
her teacher eventually in the movie drove the principal out of town.
One day, Matilda and her teacher were having tea and cookies on her teacher's
patio when Matilda's parent pulled up into the driveway. All they did was inform
Matilda was that they were moving to
Guam and instantly tried
to shove her in the car. Before this, she pulled out some adoption papers that
she had found in a library book. She had had them since she was old enough to
zerox. She eventually convinced them to sign them.
From that point on, Matilda and her new mom did everything together. They pushed each other on a swing, had picnics together, played hopscotch, cooked, rollerbladed, and read books before bed together. Best of all, Matilda's new mom became the new principal of the school. And they both lived very happily together forever.
Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
Visit Etiquette
By Leigh Harding
If you
are in an open adoption, you probably know that often it seems like we walk a
fine line when it comes to visits. How often? Where? Will be by ourselves? Will
there be a group op people around? Do we just spend the time with our kids and
ignore everyone and everything around us? Do we go into a “zone” and forget that
there is even anyone around? I know for me, I walk a fine line. I want to spend
as much time with Jessica but I don’t want to ignore those people around me.
Here are a few simple tips that one can do to help the visits go easier.
Show up on time. If you are going to be late, call and let them know.
Don’t show up late and expect them to be overjoyed to see you if you haven't called.
Don’t cancel. Especially at the last minute unless of course, something has come up and you can’t help it such as family emergency, car broke down, etc..
Spend time with the adoptive parents. Yes, you are there to see your child but you need to have a relationship with the adoptive parents so include them in the play time and conversation.
Respect their parenting choices and decisions. We may not agree but they are raising the child so it is their decision and schedules.
Be flexible when setting up the visit. Jessica is a busy little bee so Louise’s’ time is limited so I am open to when she has time or an afternoon for us to get together.
Be prepared if their schedule changes. Yes it happens and it stinks but realize that you will get another visit.
Bring lots of film if you don’t have a digital camera. Include the adoptive parents in the pictures. Have someone take a picture of you and your child. Have another one taken of you and the adoptive mom. I have a few of those and they are extra special to me.
We
just need to remember that if we get along with the adoptive parents then our
children won’t feel pulled in any direction. If we show the adoptive parents
respect, hopefully, we get respect in turn and the children realize that they
have all these extra people to love them.
Buddy of the Month: All of you are appreciated, but each month we will spotlight a different involved member. You can also nominate fellow BirthMom Buds who you think deserve to be buddy of the month. For more info or to nominate a friend, visit the Buddy of the Month Page.
Meet Martha T. – August’s Buddy of the Month! Martha is the birthmom to a
daughter, Victoria Marie, who was born on November 18th, 2002. When
Victoria was born with special needs, Martha knew the best thing for her
daughter would be to entrust her to adoptive parents who could provide for her
financially, which Martha could not do at that time in her life. Martha has an
open adoption and receives frequent emails and pictures from her daughter’s
adoptive mom. Since her daughter’s birth, Martha has become involved in BirthMom
Buds. She is a great mentor and has mentored six girls through our Pregnant and
Placing program. Fluent in Spanish, Martha has also translated some of our
material in Spanish for Spanish speaking birthmoms.
Martha resides in
sunny California where she works full time and is a full time student. She is
pursuing a business degree and should graduate this spring! If Martha ever had a
building named after her, she would choose a building at her school, California
State University San Bernardino. Although she’s been told that won’t happen
until she donates a mere 5 million to the university! If she could take one item
back in time to the 1850’s to impress her ancestors it would be “Condoms….I’m a
strong believer of birth control and I don’t think they really used them back in
the day.” When asked what food she would have the hardest time giving up for the
rest of her life, she responded with a quick and witty “Food in general…I’ve
tried starving myself to lose weight but it’s only lasted about half a day and
then I caved….food was meant to be eaten, so eat. If you want to lose weight,
exercise.”
Martha describes herself as a planner and a leader, and spends most of her time in her living room that doubles as an office. If she could be anyone else in the world for one day, she would be the President of the United States, and plans on “stopping these wars” during her term in office.
We often think of
what we would ask God if we got to ask one question; Martha’s question was
simple: “What else do you have in store for me?” Always on time, and always a
leader, Martha would bring three things with her on a deserted island; “knife,
matches, and a boy to keep me company” Can’t say we blame her there!
Thank you
to Martha, August’s Buddy of the Month, for your contributions!
Prayers Please
~ We added this section because so many of
you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have
never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this
section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here
to your prayer list.
Mary
(Snowprincess in our
chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer
requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't
think it's junk mail! :)
"Please keep Barbara, Kinsey's Mom, in your prayers. as she puts up a strong
fight against cancer during chemo. Doctors are hopeful of a less than 10% chance
of cancer return. But we all know the toll chemo can have on the body. So please
think of her often, her little girls need her. Also, my Grandpa died 7/31/06
after a brutal attack my 2 pit bull dogs. Please pray for my Grandma and our
family." ~ Lani
"I am a birthmother of a beautiful 15 month old little girl , but my son who is
almost 5 is having some medical problems right now. In the past week he has had
blood tests , an MRI and and EEG done. Also my nephew
who is 4 months old was born without a rectum and is going in for surgery early
next month to repair it. I
am asking for everyone to please say a prayer for my son and nephew. Thank You."
~ Emily
Birthday Buds:
Around her birth daughter's 1st
birthday, Amy Morse had the bright idea that BirthMom Buds should give members
the opportunity to announce their birthdays and their birth children's bdays in
the newsletter. If you would like to have your birthday or your birth child's
birthday mentioned in this section, please email the birth date, your name or
your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For
example, if your child's birthday is March 21, then you need to email it
to Amy by Feb 25th! So
email
Amy with those March birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section
and thanks to Amy for her help with it!
Jessica Taylor's birthson Luke will
be 6 on August 10th.
Kelli Hopkin's birth daughter, Kayli,
will be 1 on August 15th.
Sarah Rakestraw's birthdaughter
celebrates her first birthday on August 27th.
Founder's Corner: A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.
First of all, I want to
thank everyone who called, sent cards, etc. when my mother in law passed away.
Your concern means a lot to me and my family.
When Lani was up here for the funeral, we ate this really yummy bread and
started talking about our favorite recipes, cooking, etc. We thought, what a
great idea and fundraiser a BirthMom Buds cookbook would be! This would be YOUR
cookbook with YOUR favorite recipes that you submit. And with Christmas not so
far around the corner, what a great Christmas gift a cookbook would make for
your family and friends!
So, calling all our cooks and Betty Crocker wannabes! Please
submit your
favorite recipes - deserts, appetizers, main dishes, casseroles - we
want them all! We want recipes from all members of the adoption triad
(birthparents, adoptive parents, and adoptees) please include your relationship
to the adoption triad (such as birthmom to Charlie, age 4) with your recipe.
Suzi and Leigh will be assisting with going through the recipes, assembling the
cookbook, and what not. If you'd like to help, please
email us and let us know! We'd
like to get all the recipes in by the 15th of August.
We will keep you updated on the cookbook and how you can order your copies.
So, with all this talk about cooking you are probably wondering what our
favorite recipes are?? Well, you'll just have to wait till the cookbook comes
out to know! But if you want that yummy bread recipe we mentioned, it's below!
Banana
Coconut Loaf
· 2 eggs
· 1 cup white sugar
· 1/2 cup butter, melted
· 1 cup mashed bananas
· 1/2 teaspoon almond extract
· 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
· 1/2 cup flaked coconut
· 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
· 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
· 1/2 teaspoon salt
· 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
· 1/2 cup maraschino cherries, chopped
Directions
1. Mix together flour, coconut, baking powder, baking soda, salt, chopped walnuts, and cherries.
2. Break eggs in a mixing bowl, and beat until light and frothy. Add sugar and melted butter or margarine.
Beat well. Stir in mashed banana and flavoring. Add flour mixture and stir just to combine. Spoon into
greased 9x5x3 inch loaf pan.
3. Bake at 350 degrees F for 1 hour or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let stand for
10 minutes and remove from pan. Cool.
Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.
Miss
You Always
By Melissa Teauge
It is the pain of never knowing
It's the most frustrating part,
Silence causing those aches
Felt deeply in my heart.
While weeping my silent tears
Behind my smiling disguise,
Aching remains on the inside
As my lonely heart cries.
I now find this empty void
I know only you could fill,
As sadness overwhelms
I miss you and always will.
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