BirthMom Buds
Ways to cope when dealing with a baby shower or a friend having a baby.
by Melanie Beth Mosberg
*As published in the July
2005 BirthMom Buds Bulletin*
This is an interesting subject for me. When I was matched with my adoptive family I actually threw the baby shower for the adoptive mother with her best friends. For me, it was not about me having a shower for my unborn child but to be a part of the celebration for this child coming into the world for the adoptive mom. It was a great experience and I got to meet all of the adoptive mom's friends and co-workers. It was truly a blessing to be a part of this celebration.
Recently I met someone in her 30's that is pregnant and choosing to raise her child on her own. She is separated from her husband and moved from New Jersey to Charlotte, NC to start a new life and raise her child. She has a huge support network from her family which is allowing her to keep and raise her child.
I am having huge difficulty becoming friends with her because I am so jealous. I was 31 years old when I had my birth daughter and it was my first pregnancy/first child. I had very little support from anyone and for the most part went through my pregnancy alone. I did not want to struggle financially the way I have in the past and I wanted to give my daughter the chance at a life she deserved.
I guess everyone copes differently. This did not bother me until just recently. I hope I can get over my emotions and become friends with her and put my jealous feelings aside. I know I cannot be like this forever because it is just not mentally healthy. These ideas helped me cope with having a friend who is pregnant:
Try to be supportive of the occasion.
Enjoy the new arrival of a child with your friend.
If it is their first child, you can give them pointers during their pregnancy.
If attending a shower and it is soon after the birth of your child and you just do not feel ready, then politely decline. Most people will understand.
If attending the shower, offer to assist with refreshments or something, to occupy some of your thoughts and time during the shower.
So if you have feelings like these, please know you are not alone.