Post Visit Blues
by Coley Strickland
While I treasure the visits I am able to have with Charlie, my birthson,
through open adoption sometimes after a visit, I feel a sense of sadness
and “let down.” I’ve nicknamed these feelings “the post visit blues.” I’ve
also talked with other birthmothers in open adoptions who have shared with
me that they too have the post visit blues after a visit. Since I have
been dealing with this for six years now, I have come up with some methods
of coping that work for me and perhaps they will work for you too.
1. Acknowledge the feelings. It’s important that I acknowledge the
feelings I am experiencing and allow myself to feel them. I have learned
the hard way that if I don’t acknowledge the feelings now it will only
hurt me more in the long run.
2. Write a letter. A few days after a visit, I always write a letter
to Charlie. I tell him how much the visit meant to me, I recap things that
went on during the visit, and I include pictures from the visit. Mailing
the letter is optional. If you didn’t want to mail it, you could put them
all in a box to share with your child one day.
3. Scrapbook. I actually haven’t done this in one in awhile but am
already sketching out layouts from my last visit in my head. Scrapbooking
our time together makes me feel good and gives me an easy way to look back
at good memories when I want to.
4. Journal. I recap the visit for myself in my journal writing down
what we did, cute things Charlie said, etc. Then as I feel sadness over
the next few days, I write about those feelings.
5. Try not to isolate myself. This is the one I personally struggle
with. When I am dealing with my emotions after a visit and feeling down, I
tend to want to be myself, turn off my phone, and crawl in a hole. While
this can be good for me for a little bit, it also could quickly become
unhealthy so I usually have to force myself not to hide out.
6. Talk with other birthmothers. No one quite understands what I am
feeling besides other birthmothers so when I am dealing with sadness after
a visit, I turn to my birthmother friends for support and understanding.
I should also add that although I do not see an adoption counselor or
therapist, if you do, you may find it helpful to schedule an appointment
after your visit.