BirthMom Buds
Birthmother’s Day
By Nia
As I meditate on what this day means to me, Birthmothers Day;
there are so many things I would like to share, but it's hard to find the right
words to say.
Sometimes I run or hide from these feelings because they are so strong;
yet inside my heart emotions are constantly singing as a bird's soothing song.
I must tell of this journey into birth motherhood;
about the sadness, the sweetness, the bad and the good.
I must trust that my voice will carry along;
to another birthmother in need of this
song.
I could speak of the heart wrenching time during early pregnancy;
when I could barely see straight from the pain and agony.
I was in definite denial;
but I was being prepared for a life-changing trial.
I felt so confused and angry;
that I had allowed this circumstance to happen to me.
There was no way to know at that point in time;
how God would turn this into something
divine.
This decision making process was not an easy one;
yet hope shined on even throughout this rainy time as certain as the soft warm sun.
God was using me as a way to carry a child into the world and bring forth life;
but if I chose to parent him it would be one filled with anger and strife.
I never once thought that I could raise this child because I, myself was not equipped to;
so now it was up to me -what would I
do??
I really had to search myself and find support, although my world was
spinning;
I had to realize that another precious life was just beginning.
Maybe for some the choice to place a baby is filled with regret;
yet I knew that he deserved way more than if he stayed with me what he would get.
To him I say, "The details of where my life was headed at that time might not be the issue;
yet I trusted that another family could love you and offer you that which I could not give you.
My son, birth child, you deserved the family, love, devotion, time, patience, energy, consistency, opportunity;
trustworthiness, connection and
stability that -at that time- with me were not a possibility."
Some have asked me if I ever regret this choice;
and I will always continue to use my voice.
The answer is no I most definitely do not;
though it is normal to wonder at times where would we be if my choice was naught. I cannot burden my heart with these types of worry, doubt and grief;
I need to make room inside of me for the love I have for this child, the joy and the relief.
I feel such peace within my heart;
knowing we will never truly be apart.
Trusting in God's plan and in the universe to provide;
my son's family is raising him with love, honesty and pride.
I'm blessed to know that he is okay;
and I would like to share this experience that I have been through with others today.
In honor of Birthmothers no matter what your situation,
I would like to say;
that I wish you a truly blessed, fulfilling, and peaceful Birthmothers Day!