BirthMom Buds Bulletin
December 2008

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!

Newsletter Writers Needed ~ Do you enjoy reading the BirthMom Buds Bulletin? Help ensure that great newsletters still arrive in your inbox monthly by volunteering to write an article. Not a professional writer? No problem, we will help you! Check out the newsletters ideas page or email us for more information!
Need Support? ~ During the holiday season, you may find yourself needing extra support. Don't hesitate to email us at BirthMom Buds if you need to talk. Our forums are also a great place to connect with other birthmoms and receive support. (You must register for the forums by creating a user name and password and you must be a birthmother or pregnant and considering adoption in order to join the forums.)

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.

Getting through the Holidays
by Coley Strickland

As a birthmother, the Christmas holidays can be a rough time of year. You think of your child when you are at the mall and see other children in line to see Santa. You wonder about their Christmas tree as you are decorating yours and you think about what you are missing on Christmas morning as your child excitedly opens presents. It’s not an easy time of the year, but you can get through it.
 

	Don’t isolate yourself. You need support whether it is from an understanding family member or friend, significant other, another birthmother, a support group, an adoption professional, or a counselor. Seek out those people in your life that you feel comfortable sharing with and talk about your feelings.
	Take time for you and do something nice for yourself such as buying a small Christmas present for yourself, painting your nails Christmas red or running down to Starbucks for a Peppermint Latte. You deserve it!
	Do something to honor your child such as buy a special ornament for him or her, light a candle on Christmas Eve in honor of your child, or donate a toy to a children’s charity in your child’s name.

Yes, the holidays are tough, but you are not alone and you will make it through this!

For more reading about how to get through the holidays as a birthmother, check out the following articles:
Getting Through the Holidays: Honoring your Child
Getting Through the Holidays: Down Time
Getting Through the Holidays with other People
 

Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption issues, related web sites, organizations, etc.

 

Gift Ideas
by Anomar

Who doesn't like to get gifts from the heart?  Who wouldn't love to save some money this holiday season?  I’ve got some little gift ideas for members of the adoption triad that will not only fit into your holiday budget, but give the recipient the joy of having a gift from the heart.

For Your Birthmom Friends
Every birthmom deserves to be pampered and what better way to pamper a birthmom than with bath salts! Basic bath salts can be made with simple Epsom salts colored with a few drops of food coloring and a few more of the recipient's favorite essential oil.  You can add rose petals and sprigs to the concoction for a more "natural" presentation.

To go along with the bath salts, you can make soothing bath melts by just melting 8 oz's of cocoa butter, taking it off the heat and stirring in 1 1/2 cups baking soda, 1/3 cup cornstarch, and 1 cup citric acid (I've used lemon juice).  Put the mixture into mini soap molds, mini candy cups, or even an ice cube tray for a few hours, and when they're ready the melts will slip easily out of the molds.

Bath cookies make fantastic gifts any time of the year.  Mix 2 cups of sea salt or rock salt, 1/2 cup baking soda, 1/2 cup cornstarch, 2 tablespoons of almond oil, 1 tsp vitamin E oil, 1-2 eggs, and 6 drops of essential oil together in a bowl.  Cut the cookies out with cookie cutters or flatten balls to form a cookie shape. Sprinkle in 2 tablespoons of chocolate sprinkles or chocolate chips to make chocolate chip cookies. Then bake at 350'F (180'C) for 10-12 minutes and allow them to cool. 1-2 can be used per bath by adding them to running water. Wrap these in an air tight packaging or seal them in an airtight container. These cookies will last several months maybe longer. 

Little “Dammit Dolls” can be a great, quirky gift for those stressful times.  They can be thrown, jabbed, stomped and even strangled till all the frustration leaves you.  Just cut a vague person-shape out of calico or felt and sew them together, filling it with stuffing.  You can add little accessories to make your “Dammit Doll” more specific: “Computer Dammit Doll”, “Road Rage Dammit Doll”, or “Sports Team Dammit Doll”. 

For Your Birth Child
You can easily make a “no sew” fleece blanket by taking fleece (1-2 yards depending on age and size of the child) and cutting out four inch squares out of every corner. Then cut strips of fringe on each side about ½ inch a part. After you’ve done that, just tie two pieces of fringe all the way around.

If you have some extra fleece around, you can cut out 6 ten inch squares.  Cut a fringe around the sides of each square and tie them in preparation to make a cube. 

Then fill it with stuffing and something that rattles or jingles, and tie all of the fringes together to make a cube.

For Anyone
Everybody loves food, especially fresh cookies!  Make them with your favorite cookie recipe and give them on a decorative plate or in a decorative container. Include the recipe.

Or if you have to send gifts by postal service or just don’t feel like waiting over a hot stove to bake the cookies, you can send them the mixings for a great batch of cookies.  For a classic chocolate chip cookie jar, just combine 1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour, 3/4 teaspoon baking soda, ½ cup white sugar, and 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips. Place 1/2 of the mixture in a clean quart sized glass jar, and pack firmly.  Add ½ cup packed brown sugar on top, again packing firmly. Place the remaining flour mixture on top and cover it with a lid. You could decorate the lid.

Gift giving doesn’t have to be expensive when you give creative gifts from the heart and hand-made gifts are always a great way to show your love!

Pregnant & Placing: A new section for expectant moms who are making adoption plans to provide them with resources, articles, and other insight from those who have “been there, done that.”

Well Meaning Advice at the Holidays
by Coley Strickland

As you attend holiday parties, family gatherings, and other events this holiday season you may be bombarded with well meaning advice from family, friends, and even strangers! While they probably mean well, this advice can sometimes be a bit overwhelming especially if they are trying to tell you the best way to handle your unplanned pregnancy.

It’s overwhelming and can be very hard at times to deal with all this advice. In general, people want to help each other and be helpful so I’d like to think that the majority of this advice is meant to be helpful. However, it might not be helpful to those receiving it.

If you are going to a parties or gatherings this holiday season chances are you are going to be hearing some well meaning advice. Here are a few tips on how to handle that well meaning advice!

	Listen first. It’s natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the other person is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen - you may just learn something valuable.
	Disregard their comments lightly. If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, such as, “Interesting!” Then go about your own business...your way.
	Educate the other person. If you are considering adoption, your “teacher” may act like he/she knows more than you do about the subject. Chances are if you are reading here, you are doing your homework so educate them about what you have learned thus far.
	Keep it light hearted. Remind them you are at a holiday party after all and that this isn’t really the time to get into heavy topics.
	Search out like-minded friends. And you are already doing this by reading this newsletter! Talk with expectant mothers who have survived unplanned pregnancies and either parented or placed their children and see how they dealt with it.

I hope that you are able to handle the well meaning advice that may be thrown your way and enjoy the holiday season!

Prayers Please: We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Email Amy with your prayer requests.

"Thank you for the thoughts, cards, phone calls, etc. about my vision. Please continue to keep this in your prayers. Also, please pray for my little brother, who will be having surgery on Dec 8th." ~ Coley Strickland

"I'm flying to Germany in two weeks to visit my sister. Prayers please that I will make it over there and back safely and have a good visit with my sister." ~ Amy S.

"I was laid off of my job in August and have since been job hunting. I found out today (November 24) that I was selected to do some testing to see if I qualify to work for the City of Long Beach, CA. If people can please keep me in their thoughts on December 2nd and send me positive energies that I do well on the testing, I would appreciate it. my testing starts on December 2 at 12:30pm. WISH ME LUCK!" ~ Jennifer Divers
 

Founder's Corner: A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

Holiday Traditions

Traditions are an important part of any holiday but it can be hard as a birthmother because your child will be participating in his/her adoptive family’s traditions and those may not be the same traditions that you have grown a custom to. But you can create some special traditions as a birthmother.

Coley’s Ornament Tradition
One tradition I’ve created for Charlie is to give him a special ornament each year at Christmas. I originally didn't plan on it becoming a tradition but it has turned out that way.

When searching for something to give Charlie his first Christmas, I came across a really neat Precious Moments Christmas “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament that had a spot to write his name, birth date, weight, and length. I purchased the ornament and thought what a neat keepsake item it would be for him to have one day in the future.

The next Christmas it only seemed natural to give him another ornament, thus it has become a yearly tradition. I plan to continue this ornament tradition for years to come and when he is all grown up and leaves home, he will have years worth of ornaments to put on his own Christmas tree.

Lani’s Verse Tradition
I have always loved family traditions and thought it would be great to still have a part of that in my birth child’s life.  Since the time she was born I started a  neat tradition that I do periodically when I send her gifts. I have a special Bible verse (James 1:17, Every good and perfect gift comes from God.) that is kind of like my thoughts about her.

Over the years I have given her different things that have that special verse on it such as a blanket with the verse embroidered on it, a stuffed bunny with the verse embroidered on it, etc..  One day I hope that she will see the link in all these things and know that time, thought, and love was put into it.  

We both encourage each of you to find some sort of tradition that you can do over the years for your child. Even if you are in a closed adoption you could still do something and just save it for the day when you are reunited.

Merry Christmas!
We hope that each of you has a safe and peaceful holiday season and New Year!

~ Coley and Lani ~

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.

It's Christmas time, the gifts are wrapped,
And piled beneath the tree,
Yet every year there's an absence,
That is only felt by me.

I prepare the table for the feast
And bow my head in prayer,
I try best to hide my grief,
For the child that is not there.

We raise our glasses for a toast,
To family and to friends,
But all that I am wishing for,
Is to hold you once again.

So amidst the Christmas joy,
Is an emptiness I bear,
An ever present heartache
For the child that is not there

And when I see children laugh
With that twinkle in their eyes,
I cannot help but wonder
If you think of me sometimes

And when the day comes to an end,
No grief can quite compare,
To another Christmas yearning
For the child that is not there.

by Linda J Schiltt

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