BirthMom Buds Bulletin February 2005

"Walking with a friend in the dark is
better than walking alone in the light."
~ Helen Keller ~

We are pleased to announce that February marks the 2nd birthday of BirthMom Buds. So Happy Birthday to us!!

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!

Pregnant and Placing Program ~ Last month, we advertised in the newsletter for someone to assist with the Pregnant and Placing Program. Fellow BBud member, Jo V, volunteered and has already started. We hope that with an extra person helping out the Pregnant and Placing Program can run more smoothly. Jo has sent out emails to all current mentors introducing herself. If you have not received a email from Jo it means your no longer in our system, so please email Jo and let her know if your still interested in being a mentor. We are also taking applications for additional mentors. If you are interested in becoming a mentor, please fill out the mentoring form. You can get to know Jo a little better by reading her bio in the adoption spotlight section below.
Poetry and articles ~ We have split up the poetry and articles. Now there is a page for poetry and a page for the articles. If you have any poetry or articles you would like to share, email it to us!
BirthMom Buds Bday ~ February marks the 2 year birthday of BirthMom Buds!! In celebration of our birthday, we have birthday gifts for YOU. We will be doing one door prize drawing in each chat in February. We are still meeting in a yahoo chat room as this seems to work the best and be everyone's preference. You have to have yahoo messenger in order to chat - but you can download it for free HERE. When it is time for chat, use yahoo messenger to IM Coley (princessmuh1) or Lani (myjoshsd2) for an invite to this private chat room. In order to be eligible for the door prizes, you must be in chat by 10:30 eastern. We will then put everyone's name who comes to chat into a drawing and choose one lucky winner. We will not draw until after chat and will post it the following day on the chat page of BBuds. We will email the winner as well and she must reply with her address in order to receive her prize.
The chat schedule for Feb is:
Monday, Feb 7 @ 10 pm eastern, Door prize will be a writer's package (journal, pen, cards)
Monday, Feb 14 - NO CHAT
Monday, Feb 21 @ 10 pm eastern, Door prize will be a clay creation handmade by Lani
Monday, Feb 28 @ 10 pm eastern, Door prize will be ????? This one will be a surprise!
AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN NOT MAKE IT TO CHAT.............
Some of you can't make it to chat due to previous commitments or not having a computer at home, so we wanted to do something for you too! So, email BBuds on the Mondays listed above and we will put your name into a hat each time you email and then draw a name at the end of the month!
Newsletter Ideas ~ Continue to check out the newsletter ideas page for ideas and topics for upcoming articles. If you see one that your interested in writing, please email Alicia and let her know.
BirthMom Buds Bday Fundraiser ~ Friend of BirthMom Buds and adoptive parent coordinator, Shannon Brown, has offered to donate a percentage of all sales that we refer to her for her Mary Kay business to BBuds. Visit Shannon's website and make a purchase between Feb 1-10 and Shannon will donate 10% of the sales to BirthMom Buds. Be sure and tell her your with BirthMom Buds!!
Congrats ~ Congrats to fellow member Jenifer Tyndall. Jen's finance Steve proposed on January 20th at the Celine Dion concert in Las Vegas! A date has not yet been set for their wedding!
Showcase pages ~ We are trying to convert all the old showcases pages to the new site. So if you have an old showcase page, please email Coley about updating it and moving it! If you don't have a showcase page but would like one, email Coley as well.

Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue. Meet the Staff by Lani or Coley

We thought this month would be a good month to introduce you to the "staff" here at BirthMom Buds. Our "staff" consists of hard working volunteers. You may know some of them and you may know what they do, but others you may not know their behind the scenes position. So take a moment to meet these girls and also, take a minute to thank them for what they do because with out them BirthMom Buds wouldn't run smoothly!

Alicia Moser, newsletter manager - Alicia Moser joined the "staff" in February 2004. Alicia is responsible for coming up with ideas for articles for future newsletter, finding people to write the articles, and getting it all to Coley by the end of the month. Alicia also frequently writes for the newsletter and has many of her poems published on the Inspiration page. Alicia is the birthmom to daughter Brittany, who was placed in a closed adoption. Brittany just turned 11 in January. Alicia is married to her husband Wade and together they are raising their daughters Michaela (10) and Hannah (1). Alicia and her family live in Texas.

Jenn M., contributing author and match helper ~ Jenn M began writing for the newsletters as well as letting us post her poetry on the Inspiration page not long after joining BirthMom Buds in the spring of 2003. She now contributes regularly for the newsletter as well as sending out all the matched letters when you are matched with your buddy. Jenn became the birthmom to Blake after his birth on Nov 7, 2002. Jenn enjoys an open adoption with Blake and his family. Currently, Jenn lives in Pennsylvania with her grandmother.

Mary Behling, prayer requests coordinator ~ Mary coordinates the prayer request list for BirthMom Buds and has been doing so for about 6 months. She collects the requests members email to her and then gets them to Coley in time to be published in the monthly newsletter. Mary is the birthmom to Jeremy who is 26 yrs old (closed adoption). Mary was contacted by Jeremy's adoptive mom last year and has received several emails and pictures of Jeremy from his adoptive mom. Mary currently lives in Tennessee with her hubby.

Jo V., mentoring program liaison ~ This is a new position that Jo recently began. She is still working closely with Coley until she gets the hang of it, but soon she will handle a lot of the day to day operations of the Pregnant and Placing program such as sending out welcome letters to women who join the pregnant and placing program, matching mentors with women who want to be mentored, and more. Jo is the birthmother of Amy, who was placed in an open, familial adoption in 1994. She is also an adoptive mother to Ansu, age 8 from Sierra Leone, and homegrown mom to Emily, age 6: Caleb, age 4 and Ragan, age 2. She and her husband are also awaiting the arrival of their son, Chethan who is still in India waiting to come home. Jo is also a stay at home mom and home educator at this point.

We also want to take a moment to thank the authors who contribute on a regular basis for the BirthMom Buds Bulletin. We have all enjoyed reading the poems and articles of Jenn M., Jenifer Tyndal, Alicia Moser, Lisa Hankins, Brandy Mosley, and Dax Ripka-Cartwright.

Special thanks to Brandy Mosley who ran the BirthMom's Day Secret Sis program and to Melanie Mosberg who ran the BirthMom Bud's 2nd annual Secret Santa program!

So we thank all of you on "the staff" for your hard work. And if any of you out there reading, want to become involved, just drop us an email!

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.

Having BirthMoms as Friends
By Brandy Mosley

When I was asked if I wanted to write an article on why having a birthmom as a friend was important, I jumped on the opportunity. Let me tell you why.....

Phoebe, my daughter was born on December 20, 2003, and placed in her parents arms on December 23. I had no one, except my family. During those sleepless nights that followed, I ventured to the internet, where I would surf for hours trying to find a website or group for birthmothers, this new group which I had recently become a member. I hoped to at least find ONE person in my shoes.

Then, in the wee hours of morning, I found this site aptly named Birthmom Buds. I went in, and my life as a birthmom began to change. I met Coley first. I like to consider her one of my angels. Here I was, in a state of deep depression, and she welcomed me into her site, and her heart with opens arms. We chatted over the instant messenger, and she asked me- do you have a picture of your daughter? My heart lit up. Yes, of course I had pictures, 5 rolls. We swapped pictures of our birth-children, and talked into the early morning. I met Alicia later and she helped me awake the writer that had been sleeping all those years inside of me. For that, to her I am grateful.

I started joining the chat sessions they organized when I could. I became involved in this group, and they helped me through the firsts- the first time I got her pictures in the mail, the first time she started to change her looks, my first Mother’s Day, her first birthday; and they are still there today. I even found myself inviting people in, and helping them the way that Birthmom Buds helped me. I now help out whenever I can, whether it be helping with the Secret Sister program or writing an article or two whenever they need the help.

Birthmom Buds aren’t just an online group, when my father got sick, I turned to you all to help me bring his spirits up. I ended up getting cards from all over wishing him well. I have to say, that touched my heart, and the funny thing? Birthmom’s sent the majority of the cards that arrived in our mailbox!

Having a birthmom as a friend is different on so many levels. I am in no way ashamed of what I have done, I tell people, “yes, I have a daughter, she was placed for adoption after birth.” They don’t quite understand the depth of that sentence or the pain and suffering that I have gone through to be able to say that statement. Another birthmom does though. A birthmom understands what you have been through- the pain, the joy, the healing. I like to think that birthmom’s are a special breed of women. A giving, unselfish, loving and caring type of women. All women have these traits, birthmoms just have a bit more.

You can go to your friends who are birthmoms and tell her what is going on with the adoption, good or bad- they are not there to judge, remember, they have been in your shoes. We are all here to help each other, and that is what makes having a birthmom as a friend important.

The Top 5 Reasons Why Every Birthmom Should have Another Birthmom as a friend:

5. Someone to celebrate birthmom's day with!

4. They don't judge your decision.

3. They understand what your thinking and feeling.

2. They give you moral support.
And the number one reason why every birthmom should have another birthmom as a friend is: everyone needs a friend!!

Prayers Please ~ We have decided to add this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)

Lani asks that we keep her husband Tom in our prayers for his safe travel as he travels to Nicaragua for a mission trip in the middle of February.

"Please keep my b-son's parents, Jeff and Debbie in your prayers. We just found out she is 10 weeks pregnant. They had went thru over 10 years of trying to conceive with two miscarriages, one at 6 weeks and one at 22 weeks, before adopting. Now they have a new born only 9 weeks old and she is pregnant. Debbie will have to have her cervix stitched in a few weeks and eventually be put on bed rest in order to keep the pregnancy from complications. Thank You." ~ Dawn Young

"Please keep my brother in law in your prayers. He is stationed in Mosul, Iraq and is in the striker brigade out of Thanks." ~ Amy

*NEW* Section ~ Birthday Buds!
Amy Morse's birth daughter Kaylee turned 1 on Jan 31 and Amy had the bright idea that BirthMom Buds should give members the opportunity to announce their birthdays and their birth children's bdays in the newsletter. If you would like to have your or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this new section of the newsletter, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is March 21, then you need to email it to Amy by Feb 25th! So email Amy with those March birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section and thanks to Amy for her help with it!

Founder's Corner: A new little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

We thought this month we would share one of our favorite quotes about friendship with you since BirthMom Buds was formed because of a special friendship and being friends and supporting one another is what BirthMom Buds is all about!

Lani's favorite: "Everyone hears what you say, friends listen to what you say, and best friends listen to what you don't say. They know your feelings without a word shared." Why this is Lani's favorite: This sums up a BirthMom Bud to me. When I met Coley we did not have to share the sad things out loud all the time. We both just knew what the other was feeling. She knew my that heart hurt and I knew her hurt. It was almost magic; no words had to be shared. I think you truly know God gave you that friend when you do this."

Coley's favorite: "Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another "What? you too? I thought I was the only one!" Why this is Coley's favorite: When I first became a birthmom, I felt so alone. I felt like no one else in the world understand. Then, I met Lani and I was amazed to realize I wasn't the only one!

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.

Friendship
by Jenn M

When I first joined Birthmom Buds in April 2003, I had no expectations other than to make a couple of friends that could share in my grief and confusion. At that time, the group was tiny and just starting out, yet budding like a beautiful rose waiting to be appreciated. After I got along with my first buddy, but didn't really connect, I became discouraged and turned to Coley for help thru my dilemma. Coley became my loaner buddy (thanks Lani!) until she could find me another buddy of my own. She got me more involved with adoption, and more importantly, more aware. She helped me open up enough to share my poetry in the Bmom Buds newsletters, and I couldn't be more grateful for that opportunity to express myself and eventually begin to heal. I've gone on to send out the matches for new buddies, run the first Secret Santa, and write articles or poems for almost every newsletter. I'm now also an assistant manager in a different birthmom group where I've met some amazing, lifelong friends. As a result of my awareness and involvement, my open adoption with my birthson have evolved and become more stable that it originally seemed to be in early 2003. I'm not trying to toot my own horn by any means; I'm just attempting to prove how much Coley helped pull me out of my shell in the two years Birthmom Buds has been operating. This group has been a blessing to me, and if not for Coley and Lani sticking with it from the start and believing in themselves two years ago this February, we might have missed the chance to grow, learn, heal, grieve, and best of all, continue "The Golden Chain of Friendship" they helped begin.

Happy Birthday Birthmom Buds and here's to many more...

The Golden Chain Of Friendship
~Helen Steiner Rice~

Friendship is a golden chain
The links are friends so dear
And like a rare and precious jewel
its treasured more each year

It's clasped together firmly
with a love that's deep and true
And it's rich with happy memories
and fond recollections, too

Time can't destroy its beauty
for, as long as memories lives
years can't erase the pleasure
that the joy of friendship gives

For friendship is a precious gift
That can't be bought or sold
But to have an understanding friend
is worth far more than gold

And the gold chain of friendship
is a strong and blessed tie
Binding kindred hearts together
as the years go passing by.

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