BirthMom Buds Bulletin January 2005

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count,
it's the life in your years."
~ Abraham Lincoln

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!

Writers needed ~ We desperately need people to write articles for the newsletter. You don't have to be the greatest writer in the world, just need to have the desire to help. Many of you have said you would write before but did not know of a topic, so we have compiled a list of topics for you to choose from. So check out the ideas and see if one interests you!

BirthMom Showcase and Inspiration Page ~ We are always looking for poems and articles for the Inspiration page as well as birthmom's who are willing to share their adoption stories on our showcase. If you're interested in either, please email us.

So many members ~ We have so many members on file. Some of you may have changed your email address, some may not want to be involved anymore, etc... In order to save us time by sending out emails to people who may not even be reading them, as well as to avoid undeliverable emails bouncing back to us, over the course of the next month or so, we are going to send an email out to all of you. It will just ask if you're still at that email and do you still want to receive emails from BirthMom Buds. Please take 5 minutes and respond, otherwise we will delete your email addy from our files. We mean not to sound harsh and hope you can help us with this!

Pregnant and Placing Volunteer ~ Coley is looking for someone to assist her with the pregnant and placing program. Duties would include processing new people who join the program, keeping the mentors up to date on what's going on, recruiting new mentors, and checking in with the ladies in the program to see how they are doing in their pregnancy and with their adoption plans. This is a big job, so please only apply if you truly have the time and energy to dedicate. Help is always needed in other areas though, so if you're interested in assisting with a different program at BirthMom Buds please email Coley.

Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.

The Spotlight is on Joni Mitchell this month. Written by Lisa H. Did you know that singer-song writer, Joni Mitchell, is a birth mother? She was single and pregnant during a time (1964) when this was disgraceful. She knew it would be nearly impossible to raise a child on her own, so when her daughter was born in 1965, she placed her for adoption. The adoption was closed, as were all adoptions in Canada at the time. Joni decided to search for her birth daughter, but her records were sealed and she had no success. Meanwhile, in 1997, her birth daughter was looking for her birth mother, not knowing it was Joni Mitchell. She stumbled on to Joni Mitchell's website, and began noticing that they looked similar--same hair and body type. Then she read that Joni was looking for her birth daughter, and she decided to email the star. They reunited in 1997, and have an open relationship now. Joni's daughter's name is Kilauren, and she had one son. He is Joni's only grandchild. Sources: www.jonimitchell.org www.bastardnation.com www.fathersforlife.org

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
New Year's Resolutions by Coley

I am sure many of us are guilty of making resolutions such as “I will loose weight” or “I will exercise more” or “I will quit smoking,” or “I will spend less money and save more.” As a society, we define resolutions as a way to make a change. There is something appealing about starting the new year “off on the right foot” by making a few resolutions (or goals) to obtain during the new year. Unfortunately, by February, many of us are back in the old routine and have given up on our resolutions.

Prayers Please ~ We have decided to add this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)

"Please pray for safe travel for both myself and my daughter. Also pray for financial status and decision making. That's a big one for me. I find myself looking for other peoples approval. Need to learn to make my own mind up with guidance from God."~ Joy K

"Thanks to all of you who kept my brother in law in your thoughts and prayers over the past few months. His cancer is now in remission. Continue to pray that it stays this way!" ~ Coley S.

Secret Santa: Thanks to all of you who participated in the 2004 Secret Santa program. It was a sucess and birthmothers were paired with other birthmothers all over the country. Special thanks to Melanie Mosberg who was this years coordinator. You did a great job Melanie! Below is what some of you had to say about this years secret santa program and the gifts you received.

"We do not know each other but you could not have picked better presents if you knew me for years. THANK YOU Heather from the bottom of my heart." ~ Melanie Mosberg

"I'd like to thank my Secret Santa (Kristin) for the stocking filled with goodies!! The Reese's Cups (my fave) were a treat, I love the snowflake post it notes, and the bath set is great! Thanks again!" ~ Coley S

" I really enjoyed receiving my secret santa present. I enjoyed looking forward to it, and the curiosity was just too much...I look forward to being a part of it more next year." ~ Vanessa Loyer

"I want to thank my secret santa for her thoughtfulness. And my doggie says thanks for her toys too!" ~ Catherine D.

"Terri, I love my bath set! After long days with with the boys it's great to take a bath that smells yummy! Thanks so much!" ~ Lani.D

Founder's Corner: A new little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

We hope all of you had a good holiday season and are looking forward to the New Year! We sure are! We hope for another successful year here at BirthMom Buds of helping, healing, and mentoring. If you have any ideas for improvement or programs you would like to see started, please let us know. Happy New Year to all of you.

Hugs from Coley and Lani,
your co-founders.

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.
Reflections on the year by Melanie Mosberg

Let’s Recap. My daughter was born May 17, 2004 and adopted May 18, 2004 in an open adoption. My daughter’s adoptive family only lives about ten minutes from my home. It has been a rough seven months and at times I thought I would never get through it. I was in such denial when I came home from the hospital. Almost as if I never had a daughter. I tried my hardest not to think about anything. Within a month I started to become numb. I never knew what that felt like and it was not the best feeling in the world. I went on an emotional roller coaster. Guilt, Fear, Anger, Sorrow, Denial, Betrayal, Anxiety, Remorse. The emotions were endless. I started to doubt everything. I never considered for a moment if I could raise my daughter on my own. From the moment I found out I was pregnant the thought NEVER crossed my mind. I always knew I would be a great mother but there is more to it than just love. How will I financially support us both? I couldn’t, and with that acknowledgement I started to feel at ease.

Things were rough with the adoptive parents. We really did not know how we would feel after my daughter was born. We matched when I was seven months and became very close in a short amount of time. The amom thought she would want lots of contact with me and I felt the opposite. We were both very wrong. Our feelings after my daughter was born were reversed. I wanted much more contact and the amom felt she wanted time for them to bond as a family. Long story short, it was very rocky for a few months but after a lot of patience and praying our relationship is getting better. It will never be perfect. I do not think any adoption relationship is. It will take years for us all to evolve and once my daughter is older she will have a say as well as to the amount of contact she wants with me.

My advice is do your best to not give into the strong emotions. It is normal to experience them all but know in your heart you did the right thing for your birth child. You will always be their mother; they will always be their parents.