BirthMom Buds Bulletin
January 2006
What's new with BirthMom Buds:
Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are
doing!
BBuds Christmas Project ~ Thanks so much to all of you who
particpated in the gift drive for fellow member, Jodi, and her family. You
ladies were awesome and gave so much! Jodi and her family are very appreciative
of all their daughters received.
Bmom Showcase ~ Check out the new showcase page for
Suzi Thompson.
If you'd like to have a showcases page of your own, please
email Coley for instructions and
details.
New staff position ~ We have a new staff position we need filled!
We are looking for an adoption professional liaison. This person will be
responsible for mailing out information about BirthMom Buds to agencies,
attorneys, and facilitators when they request it as well as contacting adoption
professionals to let them know about the services BirthMom Buds provides. All
materials needed will be provided. If interested please
email us.
Bible Study ~ We are going to be doing a Bible Study again. The
study will be non-denominational and we will use the forums as our way to
discuss the lessons. If you wish to participate please
email Coley.
Birth Mother's Day 2006 ~ We know it's only January but planning
for the 2nd annual Birthmother's Day Event for the South East (anyone else is
welcome to come of course) hosted in Greenville, SC must begin soon! We had a
great time last year and hope to make this years event bigger and better! If
you'd like to be on the planning committee for this years event, please
email Coley.
If you think you might like to attend or would like more details, please
email Coley
as well.
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.
The Country Bears
A movie review by Alicia Moser
In 2002, Disney came out with a funny comedy about a bear named Beary who was adopted by a human family, the Barrington’s. His life is fine and happy until his adoptive brother, the biological son of the Barringtons, Dex, who does not like him, tells him he is not a real boy. Beary had been going to the Country Bear hall as a refuge from his troubles. He is told that a ruthless banker is going to tear Country Bear Hall down because it is behind on mortgage payments. After he is told he is not a real boy, Beary does not feel like he is a part of his adoptive family anymore, and runs away to organize a benefit reunion concert of the Country Bears Band so the Country Bear Hall will not be torn down.
The search for the Country Bears is not a smooth process. Beary has to find the Country Bears and get them back to Country Bear Hall before the cops that his adoptive parents called to help find him do their job and bring him home. Also, one of the bears does not want to part with his honey, and one of them, Fred, wants nothing to do with the band. On their reunion path, they meet up with Elton John, Willie Nelson, Queen Latifah, Bonnie Raitt, and Don Henley, among others.
Back at the Barrington home, the parents are frightened and very worried about Barry. Dex, his adoptive brother, is not bothered by his absence at first. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder and he does start to miss Beary. In the end of the movie, Dex accepts his adoptive brother, and as it is said, they all live happily ever after.
I personally thought it was a great movie, with a lot of comedy and
heartwarming moments. My husband who usually does not like anything that does
not involve car chases and explosions, laughed a lot too. It is a very clean
movie, and perfect for kids of all ages. Though some of the critics said the
movie was basically a flop, I do not agree, and I give The Country Bears five
paws up.
Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
Tips for Being a Birthmom
By Blair Buckler
Being a "birthmom" can be an
exciting, fun, scary, happy, sad, and adventurous time all at once. Everyone
copes with their own adoption in their own individual ways. Some prefer to talk
it out, while others get creative through scrapbooking or using other art forms
to get their feelings out. No matter how you choose to cope, here are some
"tips" on how to make being a birthmom a little easier.
1. After placing your child, allow yourself to experience the feelings that you
are feeling and don't let anyone tell you when you should stop grieving or "get
over it." We have to work through our own emotions at our own pace. So what if
it doesn't match up to where someone else thinks we need to be. It's our
experience, not theirs.
2. If you feel as though you are having a difficult time with your placement,
talk to an adoption counselor or therapist. Talking out your feelings and/or
problems with a neutral person can be so relieving and helpful. He or she can
give you helpful hints on how to better deal with your grief from a professional
stand point. You can also look up local birthparent support groups in your area.
3. Keep scrapbooks, pictures. and memorabilia. Remember, even though you placed
your child with an adoptive family, he/she is still YOUR child. It is OK to have
pictures of them around. It has helped many birthmoms be able to look back and
see how far they have come in their journey. *
4. Say lots of prayers for God to keep watch over you, your child, and his or
her family. Having a strong faith will carry you through the difficult periods
and even help during the happy times as well.
5. Don't look at adoption as a loss, but rather as gaining another really
special family. You are extending your family even further with your adoptive
family. They will love you so dearly as if you were of their own flesh and
blood. *
6. Be open about your adoption. The more you talk to people about it, the more
confident you will feel. You will also be AMAZED at how many people are somehow
connected to the adoption triangle. There are also so many people who have a
negative perception of adoption. Sharing your story may teach them that adoption
is a very positive process and is fulfilling to everyone involved.
7. If you do not feel comfortable talking with others about your feelings and
story, journaling is an excellent outlet. Just getting out what is inside can
help you tremendously in sorting out what should come next in the choices you
make in the future. It is also another way to look back and see how far you have
come.
8. Keep an open mind. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself. Talk to your
adoptive family about your needs and wants. If you don't want as much contact,
let them know. If you want more, find a tactful way to talk to them about it and
ask for it, if possible. You will never know until you ask. In most situations,
either the birthparents or adoptive parents are hesitant to push the envelope
and open up about visits, letters, and pictures. But once one side at least
attempts to ask for a bit more then you will know what direction to take from
there. You will also build a trust between families with communication. But all
in all, keep an open mind. *
9. Think positive. As hard as it may be at times, each day is one day closer to
a reunion. Try to think about happy moments with your child, whether during
pregnancy, in the hospital, through visits, or even just through pictures and
letters.
10. Finally, take everything ONE DAY AT A TIME! No need to rush feelings and
emotions. Also no need to rush life. Take time to cry and grieve, but also take
time to laugh and enjoy the life of being a birthmom.
(Thank to all those who
helped contribute to these tips!)
* Notes tips that are more relevant for birthmothers participating in an open
adoption.
Buddy of the Month: All of you are appreciated, but each month we will spotlight a different involved member. You can also nominate fellow BirthMom Buds who you think deserve to be buddy of the month. For more info or to nominate a friend, visit the Buddy of the Month Page.
January's
Buddy of the Month
Suzi Thompson
Most people cannot live without their computers, cell phones and satellite dishes, but not Suzi Thompson, when asked what 5 things she could not live without she said she her husband Bill, stepson, Christian, and 3 children, Cassi, Kyli, and Cody. “You may be right” by Billy Joel is her theme song and her world would be all right if she could live without sick kids, doctors appointments, homework, and changing diapers.
This busy Iowa Mom doesn't have the chance to shop for herself often but when she does it’s definitely at Old Navy, she would never wear pink, and she never has time to paint her nails. She does manage to get her family of 6 out the door at the same time even though her normal bed time is around 1 am. Suzi likes tin roof ice cream, chocolate over vanilla without a question, prefers pants to shorts and bare feet to shoes.... When she's not taking care of her large family, she finds time to play with her dog, Maggie.
Suzi said that 2005 treated her well, though it went by too quickly. She went back to college and feels that her biggest accomplishment was becoming a better mother. In 2006, Suzi plans to continue pursuing her degree in business administration and being the best mother and wife she can be.
Suzi joined BirthMom Buds in the spring of 2005 and has been nominated and chosen as buddy of the month for her dedication to the mentoring program. She has gone above and beyond what is expected of a mentor and has become more than a mentor to her mentees. She is the birth mom to Jacob, who is 11 years old and placed in a closed adoption.
Thank you Suzi for all you do at BirthMom Buds!!
Prayers Please ~ We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)
"Please continue to pray for my husband's
uncle's battle with cancer." ~ Lani D.
"My friend Shay's father in law passed away a few days ago. Please keep Shay,
her mother in law, her husband, her stepdaughter Holly, their friends and
family in your prayers during this hard time. Thank you." ~ Alicia M.
"Please keep my brother in law Joe in your prayers as he continues his struggle
with cancer. He is losing lots of weight and just had a feeding tube put in his
stomach and the doctors have decided surgery is no longer an option for him." ~
Coley S.
"Please pray for my friend Maribeth as she is dealing with some very difficult
times in her personal life." ~ Mary B.
Please continue to pray for Jodi's daughter, Savannah, as she continues
treatment for brain cancer.
Birthday Buds!
Around her birth daughter's 1st
birthday, Amy Morse had the bright idea that BirthMom Buds should give members
the opportunity to announce their birthdays and their birth children's bdays in
the newsletter. If you would like to have your birthday or your birth child's
birthday mentioned in this section, please email the birth date, your name or
your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For
example, if your child's birthday is March 21, then you need to email it
to Amy by Feb 25th! So
email
Amy with those March birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section
and thanks to Amy for her help with it!
Gwen Stanley's daughter,
Gabrielle, ( daughter that she parents) will celebrate her 9th birthday on
January 2.
Jessi Kovatch's birth
daughter, Tori, will celebrate her 2nd birthday on January 3rd.
Mary S. (Loosy in forums/chat) celebrates her own birthday on January 6th.
Alicia Moser's birth daughter,
Brittany, turns 12 on January 11th.
Sarah Justice's birth
daughter, Rachel Lynn, will turn 9 on January 30th.
Amy Rae's birth daughter,
Kaylee, will celebrate her 2nd birthday on January 31st.
Founder's Corner: A new little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.
Many people create New Year's resolutions each year. Last year, Coley wrote an article on her resolution and goal to make a lifebook for her birthson and how she intended to achieve her goal. She did it and gave her birthson his lifebook in September!!
This year Lani shares her plan to organize herself in order to preserve memories and correspond better with her birthchild.
Lani's New Year's Resolution
I hope every one has a great new year in
2006. I've decided to share with you all 1 of my new years resolutions since it
had to do with my life as a birth mom. My goal is to be a better birth mom. I
have
very open adoption and am allowed more room in my adoption then others. But
since I'm a wife and full time mother of two boys time gets away from me and
before I know it important days in my birth
daughters life have slipped by me. So this year, I've organized a plan to stop
this head on with a little kit I've thrown together. This can also work in
Closed adoptions too, just save it give it to your child at a later date
All you need are the following:
Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.
Waiting and Growing
By Brandy Mosley
Christmas is over, all the unwrapping is done...
A New Year is upon us, will this one be fun?
I look at your pictures, each and every day,
I pray for you nightly, in my own special way.
I am watching you grow in pictures,
four months apart,
I can't wait until the next package arrives, to soothe my heart.
When I open them I get shaky, sometimes teary eyed,
But with every picture I see, I feel overcome with pride.
You're growing to be a beautiful,
happy little girl,
And I am amazed at how like mine, your hair has so many curls.
With each holiday that passes, I count the years,
Until I can hold you in my arms and calm all the fears.
I can see that you're well taken
care of,
With parents that show you lots of attention and love.
I just want you to know from me and only me,
The reasons that this is the way things had to be.
I placed you in their arms to give
you a great life,
Without the pain and struggle and every day strife.
I did this for you, for you to be happy and care free,
I did it for you, no matter how bad the grief would be.
I carried my grief bravely, as
months passed into years,
And you're growing up so fast, there is no time for tears.
Now I feel joy when I see your smile and how happy you are,
My love for you is strong, it can reach you no matter how far.
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