BirthMom Buds Bulletin July 2005

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice;
it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
--- William J. Bryan

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!
In need of mentors ~ We desperately need to build our mentoring network again. The mentoring program pairs women who are considering adoption with a birthmother who has already been through the adoption process and is at peace with her decision. All mentors must be a member of BirthMom Buds and their child must be at least one year old. As a mentor, you will guide a potential birthmom through the process emotionally. If you are interested in becoming a mentor, please fill out the mentoring application.
Pregnant and Placing Changes ~ Jo V is taking a break from her job as Pregnant and Placing Liaison. Melanie Mosberg will be taking over for Jo. Thank you for your hard work Jo and thank you for volunteering Melanie!
Newsletter Assistant and Writers ~ Alicia is in need of someone to assist her in getting things together for each newsletter. If interested, please email Alicia. We are always in need of writers for the newsletter. If interested in writing an article or if you have something that you have already written you would like to share, please email Alicia. If you'd like ideas on something to write, check out the newsletter ideas page.
Showcase pages ~ Check out the new showcase page for Leah. If you're interested in having your own showcase page, please email Coley.
New Email Addy ~ Don't forget to make note of the new email address for BirthMom Buds which is birthmombuds@gmail.com
Card drive for Savannah C. ~ Fellow BirthMom Bud, Jodi's, daughter Savannah has brain cancer. There is a card drive for Savannah started to brighten her days as she undergoes chemotherapy. If you have a few spare minutes, please send Savannah a card. Her addy and info is on this page and please feel free to forward this page to others.

Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.

When most people think of Wendy’s, they think of the fast food restaurant that serves square burgers, chocolate Frosty’s and Dave Thomas. But there is more to this company than meets the eye.

Wendy’s and the Dave Thomas Foundation have come a long way from when they started; some of their successes are a direct cause of hundreds of adoption events occurring around the country every year that are spearheaded or funded by local Wendy’s restaurants. Also, because of these actions, 46% of Americans now associate the word Wendy’s with adoption. They hold several National Awareness Activities which include:

So next time you see a Wendy’s remember, they aren’t just square burgers and chocolate Frosty’s, they are part of the foundation that donated nearly $2 million dollars in grants in 2004 that affected thousands of children in the foster care, and adoption systems.

Note: Some info in the article was obtained via the Dave Thomas Foundation web site.

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas about gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.

Ways to cope when dealing with a baby shower or a friend having a baby.

by Melanie Beth Mosberg

This is an interesting subject for me. When I was matched with my adoptive family I actually threw the baby shower for the adoptive mother with her best friends. For me, it was not about me having a shower for my unborn child but to be a part of the celebration for this child coming into the world for the adoptive mom. It was a great experience and I got to meet all of the adoptive mom's friends and co-workers. It was truly a blessing to be a part of this celebration.

Recently I met someone in her 30's that is pregnant and choosing to raise her child on her own. She is separated from her husband and moved from New Jersey to Charlotte, NC to start a new life and raise her child. She has a huge support network from her family which is allowing her to keep and raise her child.

I am having huge difficulty becoming friends with her because I am so jealous. I was 31 years old when I had my birth daughter and it was my first pregnancy/first child. I had very little support from anyone and for the most part went through my pregnancy alone. I did not want to struggle financially the way I have in the past and I wanted to give my daughter the chance at a life she deserved.

I guess everyone copes differently. This did not bother me until just recently. I hope I can get over my emotions and become friends with her and put my jealous feelings aside. I know I cannot be like this forever because it is just not mentally healthy. These ideas helped me cope with having a friend who is pregnant:

Try to be supportive of the occasion.

Enjoy the new arrival of a child with your friend.

If it is their first child, you can give them pointers during their pregnancy.

Keep in mind that just because they are parenting and you are not, you are still a great mother!

If shopping for a shower gift and buying the normal baby gifts is too painful, give the mom to be a gift certificate for a massage, bubble bath, or a gift certificate to a restaurant.

If invited to a shower soon after the birth of your child and you just do not feel ready, then politely decline. Most people will understand. You can still send a gift and a note explaining that you just didn't feel ready to attend a shower yet.

If attending the shower, offer to assist with refreshments or something, to occupy some of your thoughts and time during the shower.

Focus on who the shower is for. If at the shower, people ask questions about your baby and you don't feel like answering redirect their questions to focus on the unborn baby the shower is for.

So if you have feelings like these, please know you are not alone.

Prayers Please ~ We have decided to add this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)

*NEW* Section ~ Birthday Buds!
Amy Morse's birth daughter Kaylee turned 1 on Jan 31 and Amy had the bright idea that BirthMom Buds should give members the opportunity to announce their birthdays and their birth children's bdays in the newsletter. If you would like to have your or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this new section of the newsletter, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is March 21, then you need to email it to Amy by Feb 25th! So email Amy with those August birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section and thanks to Amy for her help with it!

Lani D's birthday is July 4th.
Vanessa Loyer's birthson, Jackson, will be 1 on July 16th.
Oliva Garcia's birthday is July 29th.

Founder's Corner: A new little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

Some of you may or may not know what has been going on with my family lately. After trying for awhile, my husband and I finally were pregnant! My last pregnancy was unplanned and resulted in the placing of my birthson, Charlie, so this pregnancy was supposed to be exciting. I wanted to enjoy it! We had just begun to share the news of our pregnancy with some of you. Our baby was due in December.

But our baby, whom we named Darcy, was destined to be an angel and God took her home on June 21, 2005. I want to take a moment to thank all of you for your emails of kindness and sympathy during this time. It means so much to me that all of you care so much. You all have understood in some way, shape, or form what I am going through, because you understand the grief and loss from being a birthmom. This grief is different from the grief I felt when I relinquished my son for adoption, but it is grief all the same.

Having supportive friends and family has made the grief more bearable.

Thank you for being a part of our lives,

Coley

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.