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BirthMom
Buds Bulletin
What's new with
BirthMom Buds: Just a little
note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing.
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue. Book Review on:
Somebody’s Child / Stories from the Private
files of an Adoption Attorney– By Randi Barrow As a birthmother, I worked with Randi Barrow, adoption attorney, 10 years ago during the adoption process for my daughter. Recently, I heard about the book she has written and compiled and was eager to read it. This book takes a look at adoption from varying perspectives. From adoptive families who struggle to have a baby, to a gay couple that want a family. From a woman who dreams of a large family but struggles to adopt because she was born a man, to a birthmom who fights the vicious cycle of drugs, theft and prison. It’s really amazing to see the differences and similarities between each adoptive family and birthmothers story. The differences are obvious, and the similarities are the compassion and courage within each story. I enjoy learning about different adoption stories, from all sides. I have enjoyed getting to know other birthmoms and learning their stories and I have also had the great privilege of getting to know several adoptive families. With each story, my compassion for adoption grows. Adoption is such an amazing topic. And this book helps to highlight the good, and not so good aspects. Randi offers her opinions, with facts after each story to help put the story into perspective. I would recommend this book to anyone touched by adoption, from any vantage point. For more info on this book, click here.
Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
When and How to Tell Your Child(ren) About
the Child You Placed
By Suzi Thompson Part 1 of a 2 Part Series
After a mother has placed a child,
moves forward in life, and goes on to have other children, one question
that plagues her is when to tell the children she is raising about their
birth sibling. If you have an open adoption you might feel the need to
tell the children you are raising at a younger age than those with a
semi-open or closed. I have a closed adoption and have gone on to have 3
children plus I gained a stepson when my husband and I got married. Here
are some helpful tips on what I’ve done to break the ice with my kids
and then to explain to them what adoption is and that they have a birth
brother.
- Think about the age you would want
your birth child to find out that he/she is adopted, take that and
implement in on the child(ren) you are raising.
- If your child is older, break the
ice with the adoption discussion by finding a movie that is age
appropriate that has a child or character who is adopted or has a birth
sibling. Watch it together adding bits and pieces as to why they could
be adopted. I did this with my stepson; I think the movie we started
with was a power ranger movie.
- Find a book about adoption and do the same thing as with the movie.
- Ask them if they know of anyone
from school who is adopted, or if they know what adoption is. (If your
child doesn’t understand what adoption is and you can’t seem to explain
it to them leave it alone and try another time. It’s never good to push
it on them.)
- Tell your child your adoption
story and why you placed. If you have pictures of the child you placed
share them with your child and even keep those pictures out for them to
look at, it may take a while to sink in.
- Remind your child that you loved
their brother or sister and that is the reason you decided to place.
- Most important of all; tell your
child that you love both of them and that you didn’t place because you
were angry and that there were reasons (maybe that you can’t explain
right now) that you decided to place, and that they have nothing to
worry about as far as that goes.
Just remember to be open and honest
with your child. Be ready for questions. Answer them to your fullest
ability and if you feel that you cannot in order to protect others
involved be open and honest with them and explain that you cannot tell
them because of this. (Remember to explain on the child’s level a
younger child won’t need as much as an older one would.)
Buddy of the Month: All of you are appreciated, but each month we will spotlight a different involved member. You can also nominate fellow BirthMom Buds who you think deserve to be buddy of the month. For more info or to nominate a friend, visit the Buddy of the Month Page.
Vivacious, caring, and energetic are 3 words I’d use to describe June’s Buddy of the Month Leslie Hoyt. Simple and classic in some ways, her theme song is the classic hymn, Amazing Grace and the food she’d never give up would be popcorn. If she could play with any child hood toy, it’d be the old time favorite legos.
But this chick has a fun and
playful side too! Her favorite room in her house is painted her favorite
color – red! If she could be a superhero for a day, Leslie chose Wonder
Woman, because “she gets to tie up the bad guys, fly in an invisible
plane, has an island home, and always looks good in a leotard.”
Leslie placed her son, John, in an open adoption 18 years
ago. She communicated regularly with John’s adoptive family until he was
about 7 when she decided communication was too painful for her. Recently,
she felt the urge to reach out and nervously wrote John’s adoptive mother
a letter. Days later she received a phone call from John’s amom welcoming
her back into their lives. John then
Leslie has been married to he best friend for 17 years and is a stay at home, home schooling Mom to her 2 children, Alyssa (11) and Sarah (15). Leslie and her family reside in Greenville, SC. Thank you Leslie for this glimpse into your life and for your involvement with BirthMom Buds!
Prayers Please ~ We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :) "Please pray for
Christine, my birthdaughter, that she will be able to tell her adoptive
mother about finding us and that she will tell her 2 children that she is
adopted and we are their grandparents. They think we are her husbands
friends. This has been going on for 15 months. Thanks." ~ Anonymous
Birthday Buds:
Cathy Pruitt's daughter
will be 19 on June 12th!
Founder's Corner:
A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they
share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom
Buds.
Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words. For J
Newsletter Archives
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invited her to his high school graduation, which she attended two weeks
ago, in Jacksonville, Florida.
21st
Annual South Carolina Counsel for Adoptable Children Conference where we
would be conducting a workshop on "Adoption from a Birthmom's Point of
View." We had a great time at the conference and the beach and were
blessed at the opportunity to be your voice to the adoption community!
see so many old faces and meet so many new ones. Our theme this year was
Pampered Princess and the day really was fit for a princess!