BirthMom Buds Bulletin
March 2005
“I believe my biological mother is a hero because she gave
me life
and a family.”
~ Faith Hill, adoptee and country music artist
What's new with
BirthMom Buds:
Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are
doing!
Chat ~ We have had a great
time in chats this month! It's been great seeing new names and people and
catching up with old ones. Congrats to our door prize winners! Karen B from AL
won week 1, (no chat week 2) Amy Rae from OR won week 3, and Alicia Moser won
for week 4.
Birthmother's day 2005 ~ Birthmother's day is quickly approaching us on May
7, 2005! The
birthmother's day page is back up with an updated look, so be sure and
check it out! If you have something going on in your area to celebrate
birthmother's day, drop as an email and we will post it on the birthmother's day
page! Coley and Lani are planning an event which anyone would be welcome to, but
would target mainly NC, SC, GA, and TN. If you have ideas for this email
Coley and Lani.
Also, Margie from Spokane, WA, would like to get something organized for bmoms
in her region. (WA, OR, ID, and possibly CA) If your in that area and would be
interested in attending, assisting with planning, or have suggestions, please
email Margie.
Showcase pages ~ Check out the new showcase pages for
Kelly W and
Brandy M! If
you'd like to have your own showcase page telling your story, please
email Coley.
Newsletter Writers and Newsletter Ideas ~ Thanks to all of you who have been
volunteering to write for the newsletter lately! We always need more writers! We
especially need writers to write the adoption spotlight and inspiration
sections! Check out the
newsletter ideas page
for more info!
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.
A Personal Touch On.... Adoption
Article by Coley Strickland
When a fellow birth mom told me that the editors
of A Personal Touch On.... Adoption were
looking for stories, I submitted my personal story as well as emailed the
editors and offered to help in any way I could. I knew a compilation of adoption
stories like this would be something I wanted to be a part of.
I began to email with Peter Berlin, one of the editors. Peter and his business partner, Jerry Stone, formed the Personal touch series a year ago. Their first book was A Personal Touch on…Celiac Disease (The #1 Misdiagnosed Intestinal Disorder). When asked why a book on adoption, Peter, who is an adoptive father himself to 2 children now 9 and 16, said, “It seemed natural. I know that when my wife and I were going through the process the best information we received came from others who had gone through the experience before. I knew a book on the topic could help many people. I wanted the book to cover all aspects of adoption including pieces from adoptees and birthmothers.“
In our emails, Peter informed me that they
were in need of stories from birthmothers. That’s when I turned to all of you,
the faithful members of BirthMom Buds. Many of you submitted your stories for
consideration in the publication of the book.
“We received several hundred stories for
consideration from which we chose 84. It was a very long and hard process
because there were so many good pieces. We were looking for diversity and
stories that gave information that would be helpful to others. We were
constantly looking for positive stories. Stories where people overcame
obstacles. ” comments Peter.
Months later, a copy of the book, sits on my desk! This “support group in a book” as it has been nicknamed contains 9 different chapters, 84 stories, poems, quotes, and inspiration for all those touched by adoption. Adoptive parents, adoptees, and birthmothers all share their experiences in the book. The birth mom chapter contains 7 stories written by names you might recognize! Fellow BirthMom Buds Melanie Mosberg, Heather Valentine, Coley Strickland, and Lisa Scheen, among others, share their personal stories with the world!
Peter says that, “The book was truly a
labor of love. I felt I learned a lot putting it
The book is available for purchase on the
Personal Touch Website and will available in bookstores later in the year. To
buy a copy of the book now, use this link:
A Personal
Touch on Adoption and a percentage of the profits bought using this link
will be donated to BirthMom Buds. I think this book is an accurate portrayal of
the positive side of adoption and feel that most people touched by adoption will
enjoy reading it!
Ideas and Insights: Some ideas from gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
Journaling Ideas for Birth Mothers
By Abigail
Journaling is very individual. Some people like to write every day, others just once a month. There is no rule that says you must put something down every day, although it is nice to set up a routine so you don’t forget. Each person will find their own style, and may use journaling for a different purpose, so rather than write an essay here are a few ideas.
For When You Are Pregnant:
Journaling is a wonderful idea when you are pregnant. You can write down all the emotions you feel and changes in your bodies, and you have something to look back on and smile at. You can record their first kick, the first time you heard their heart beat, when you started showing, how it felt to see them on the ultrasound - many memories that mothers cherish. You can also record your feelings about adoption, how it felt to look for and find their adoptive parents or the individual process of adoption you are choosing. Even recording day to day activities - what you did while you were pregnant, how people helped you - can be so nice to look back on later. You can write to your baby and tell them all your hopes and dreams for them, even make up poems or stories for them. You could even make a copy of the journal, in an open adoption, to give to the adoptive parents for when he is older, which I’m sure they would treasure.
After Placement:
This is when I started journaling. I felt so much grief and loss that I had to write it down. Adoption always entails a certain amount of grief, pain, and loss, and writing may help with some of these emotions. I wrote about the last time I saw my birthson, my last night with him, the entrustment ceremony, everything. I cried so much, but much later I was able to read it and be happy I wrote down every little detail so soon afterwards.
Later, after some time has gone by, journaling is an excellent way to keep in touch with your birth child in your heart. (This may help with closed adoptions especially.) You can write to them, telling them how you think of them and envision them growing up. You can tell them what you are doing with your life now, and where you hope to be and what you are accomplishing. And by writing to them, they will have a written record of all the years you think of them and hold them in your heart. Once again you can write poems, or stories, or even advice that you want to give but can’t at this point. Even if you don’t write specifically to them, your journals will be a reminder of how your life was changed by them, and how important they are to you.
A helpful resource may be
www.birthmotherjournal.com. One quote in particular stands out: “In much the same way as writing "Dear Diary," adult journaling can be a record of events, emotions, spiritual growth, and - as a bonus - they offer a way to tell our story, to clarify our own thinking, to grow through a difficult time, to help others, or to give special insight into ourselves to people who may read our words in the future.”For all these reasons and more, journaling may help birthmothers deal with all the phases of adoption, and help them to heal, remember, and smile.
A few more tips:
*Find time to write. It is so easy to let other things get in the way. Make it a
priority. Carve out time in the morning or evening. If you can do this for one
month it will become a habit.
*Do not judge ANYTHING that comes up. A good way to short circuit the "critic"
in your head is to keep your pen moving on the paper. Do not let your pen stop
even if you are writing "I can't think of anything to write, I can't think of
anything to write, ...". Do not correct spelling mistakes or grammatical errors.
Trust and keep your pen moving.
*Find a writing buddy. You can check-in with each other as well as getting
together to write.
*If emotions come up, just keep writing. Do not try to push them away. Honor
them.
Prayers Please ~ We have decided to add this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)
* Marie's doctor said that her heart
surgery has to be redone and DHSH has said that she can not have it redone. So
please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
* "Prayers for my friend, Kimmy, please. She is having surgery on Thurs, March
3rd. Thanks!" Mary B.
* "Please pray for men and women in the law enforcement." ~ Lani D.
* "I am writing this prayer request for my grandfather, Jack Luker. He has
leukemia, and is fading fast. My
request is that he goes quietly in his sleep, and that my mother Jackie, and my
grandmother Doris are not too
devastated by his passing." ~ Dax
" Please keep my mother-in-laws health in your prayers." ~ Coley
* "Please keep my husband Wade in your prayers as he searches for a job and my
nephew Cameron who is sick. Also please pray that my letter from Colorado (about
my birthdaughter) comes soon." ~ Alicia M.
*NEW* Section ~ Birthday Buds!
Amy Morse's
birth daughter Kaylee turned 1 on Jan 31 and Amy had the bright idea that
BirthMom Buds should give members the opportunity to announce their birthdays
and their birth children's bdays in the newsletter. If you would like to have
your or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this new section of the
newsletter, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy
by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's
birthday is April 21, then you need to email it to Amy by March 25th! So
email Amy with those
April birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section and thanks to Amy for her
help with it!
Tammie's son, Sky, will be
11 on March 10th.
Sally Koenig's
birthson Tanner will be 18 on March 8th.
Dawn Young's son, Reynolds, will be
9 on March 27th.
Founder's Corner: A new little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.
Lani and I were gabbing on the phone the other night, as we do so often, and were discussing what we should write for this month's Founder's Corner. Nothing was coming to mind! Usually we have an idea of what to say, we just each have to get it on paper, but this month we were clueless! Lani had been re-reading the showcase pages the other night and one specific quote stood out to her. She really loved this quote, as it was how she felt when her daughter was born and how I felt when my son was born. So Lani had a fun and different idea for this month's Founder's Corner. So here it is!!
A Scavenger Hunt
Can you find the quote that stands out in our minds? It's in the showcase pages
somewhere. The first BBud to
email us
the correct name of who's story the quote is in will receive something special
to keep her quotes in!
The quote is: "I left there with weak knees,
but a strong heart."
Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.
Inspirational Quotes by Brandy Mosley
When I was putting together the finishing touches on my Birth-daughter Phoebe’s scrapbook, I felt that it was lacking something. It was then that I decided to take a bunch of quotes, and place them throughout the book. The quotes had to touch something when I read them, and I hoped that she would feel the same thing I did. So, being the pack-rat that I am, I saved them, and I would like to share them with you. To me, in some way, shape or form, felt like they related to adoption in some aspect. So if you’re feeling down, or confused in your life, I hope that some of these will make you smile or give you that familiar warm feeling.
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"One hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove or what kind of clothes I wore. All that will matter is that I made a difference in the life of a child." ~ Forrest Witcraff |
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"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." |
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"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away." |
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"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break. " ~ Ancient Chinese Belief |
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"Have great hopes and dare to go all out for them. Have great dreams and dare to live them. Have tremendous expectations and believe in them." ~ Norman Vincent Peale |
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"One sought for you a home that she could not provide; The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied." |
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"Our background and circumstances may influence who we are, but we are responsible for who we become." |
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"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." ~ Helen Keller |
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"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." ~ Aesop |
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"You never realize how much you love something until its gone." |
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"Whatever you find hardest to do, do with all your heart." ~ The Dalai Lama |
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"It's not the mistakes we make in life that are important,
it's what we learn from them." ~ Donna |
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"The definition of true beauty is like that of a sunset. It is glorious in its brief yet breathtaking moments, but after it fades, there lays something far more beautiful." |
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"YIN-YANG: In the black, there is some white; In the wrong, there is some right; In the dark, there is some light; In the blind, there is some sight." |
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"When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life." |
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"A word, a smile, and the stranger at your elbow may become an interesting friend. All through life we deny ourselves stimulating fellowship because we are too proud or afraid to unbend." |
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"As we cultivate peace and happiness in ourselves, we also nourish peace and happiness in those we love." |
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"When we leave this world, how much we have loved will be our true legacy. It is the only thing we will leave behind and carry with us." |
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"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the spirit laughs for what it has found." ~ Saiti saying |
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"Inner strength is the spiritual steadiness that comes from the belief that what you are doing is right, even if it doesn't bring you immediate concrete benefits." |
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"Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence." |
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"Our limited perspective, our hopes and fears become our
measure of life; and when circumstances |
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"The Brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of all of your past failures and heartaches." |
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"No life is ordinary. Each, no matter how small or insignificant, is a tiny spark of divinity." |
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"The purpose of our lives is to give birth to the best of which is within us." |
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"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift." |
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"The mother's heart is the child's classroom." |
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"If a task is once begun, never leave it until it's done. Be the laborer great or small; do it well or not at all." |
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"You should never judge a book by its cover; nor should you judge it by its first chapter." |
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"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way." |
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"Don't spend your entire life trying to fit in with the rest. It is only those who are different who get remembered." |
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"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." |
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"To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen." |
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"Let no one come to you without leaving better and happier." |
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"Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable." |
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"Don't let what other people think decide who you are. Though you may travel the world to find the beautiful, you must have it within you or you will find it not. Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." |
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"If we couldn't laugh, We would all go insane. " ~ Jimmy Buffet |
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"Sometimes you’ve got to stop and remember that your not going to live forever. " |
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"Be young, think smart, stay true and just follow your heart." |
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"Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life." |
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"Minds are like parachutes. They only function properly when open." |
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"The right word spoken at the right time sometimes achieves miracles." |
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"Whoever has a heart full of love always has something to give." |
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"May there always be a smile on your face and laughter in your heart." |
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"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." |
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"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." |
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"The past is history. The future, a mystery. The here and now is a gift. That is why it's called the present." |
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"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. |
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"Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till you find your dream." |
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"Sometimes, we just need to be amazed by the small things." |
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"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams." |
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"Love has the power to break all chains, Swim the deepest seas, Endure the strongest pains. |
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"Love is the glow in the darkest night, leading you on until you have sight." |
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"Everything is always okay in the end. If it is not okay, then it is not the end." |
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"Live the life you've always imagined." |
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"Keep your face to the sunshine and you will never see the shadows." |
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"What makes you different, makes you Beautiful!" |
I know that this is a long list, and I find it difficult to go through and try to tell you why these are important to us as birth-mom’s, potential birth-mom’s or anyone who has been touched by adoption. So I am asking you to go through this list, and tell yourself why they are important to you. Hopefully, you’ll find one or three to relate to, and use when you need it!
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