BirthMom Buds Bulletin
March 2007

This month we celebrate four years of togetherness at BirthMom Buds! So sit back, grab a cup of hot chocolate, enjoy the newsletter, and celebrate with us!

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!
New Poems ~ There are a few new poems up on the Inspiration page so check them out!
Birthmom's Day ~ Birthmom's Day (May 12th) is right around the corner! BirthMom Buds will be hosting their annual big event in Charlotte, NC this year. All birthmoms are welcome to attend. For out of towners who may be attending, please let us know so we can try to get group discounted rates for hotel rooms. For more information on this event, check out the Birthmother's Day page. Also, if there is Bmom's Day event in your area, please email us the info so we can get it up on the Bmom's Day page and let others know about it!
HeartMark Designs ~ For adoptive parents and adoption professionals who may be reading the newsletter, we are pleased to announce that once again HeartMark Designs will be selling their exclusive line of Birthmother's Day cards. Check them out!
Turn Trash into Cash for BBuds ~ Fellow member Joyce B. has brought an exciting fundraising opportunity to us. By simply turning in our old cell phones and used printer cartridges, Cartridges for Kids, will make monetary donations to BirthMom Buds. BBuds uses monetary donations for shipping on the care packages, toll free phone bill, website fees, etc.  If you have an old cell phone or ink cartridges lying around, email Joyce and she'll send you a pre-paid postal envelope. This is so easy - why not tell your friends and family about this too!
 

Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization,  individual, or issue. 

Adoption Network of Cleveland
by Patty Savol

Sometimes all we need is a little face time. We can all chat on the computer till our hands go numb, or talk on the phone till we are blue in the face; but until you have someone hand you a tissue, because they are there next to you feeling, and sharing the same pain you are, it’s just not real. Support comes in many forms, and while BirthMom Buds offered me the best support they could during the pregnancy, it wasn’t till after my birthson was born that I realized, I had to find face to face support

It's not that this group isn’t great, I think it’s actually as perfect as it gets. But, sometimes, a little face to face chatter is the best cleansing of the soul. As much as it hurts to hear someone cry, it’s an even more emotional experience to see it. While hearing a fellow birth mother cry, would make my heart go out to her, seeing her cry tugged at my heart, and made me want to hug her, so, I did.

I whispered all the things I knew to say, “I understand Hun”, “Sweetie, I’m so sorry”, and “I’m here, trust me, ok?” And it was one of the strongest connections I had made. While my mentor has always been there for me, and never let me down, there is just something about seeing another birthmom, and knowing they are real; and The Adoption Network Cleveland has done that for me.

The Adoption Network Cleveland has helped me to reconnect with the world around me. It showed me that I wasn’t the only one. My first support group meeting was small, just myself and one other birthmom. She placed her son over 40 years ago, and had gone through a whole different process. And, while our adoption plans were different, one thing rang the same; we both loved our children, and did this because we wanted the best for them.

At my second meeting, I was introduced to several members of the triad; adoptees,. birthmoms, birth fathers, and adoptive parents. Some were from open adoptions, some from closed, and one birth father who had his children yanked from him life, with no say. I wasn’t sure how to feel about any of it, I was honestly confused. I heard different stories, and different responses, and I wanted to scream at all of them, “JUST LET IT BE OPEN!” But, I couldn’t, and I didn’t. That’s when I realized how much they needed me, just like I needed them. It helped me to understand that sometimes, open isn’t the best option. Sometimes, it really is best to just let it be.

No matter what the situation, Adoption Network Cleveland helps to bring together all members of the triad from all walks of life. They want people to know they aren’t alone, no matter what phase they are in. I needed to see that I wasn’t the only one, just like I needed to know my situation was unique. And they needed to know how a birth mother feels, things we don’t feel comfortable saying to our children’s adoptive parents; just like I needed to hear how the adoptive parents felt about their child’s birthmother. And the most rewarding feeling was hearing how happy one adoptee was that she knew all of her parents, birth and adopted, growing up. Although, on the other hand, it was hard to hear one man talk about how he hated knowing his both parents were so close with his adoptive parents.

The support groups have truly offered insight to my community and I love attending them. Aside from BirthMom Buds,  The Adoption Network Cleveland has been one of the best support systems I have come to acquire. It offers support to all members of the triad, but is exceptionally helpful to birth parents. They offer a search program, and they offer more then 6 support groups every month, with at least 3 dedicated to birthmothers alone.

If you are in Cleveland area and would like more info you can contact the Adoption Network Cleveland at 216-881-7511 or visit their website.

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.

The Rights and Wrongs of Reunification
by Alicia Moser

As a birth mother who is part of a closed adoption, I look forward to a reunion in the future with my biological daughter. I look forward to it with cautious anticipation though, because I want to do everything right, and I hope she wants to see me too and be a part of my life. I have put a lot of thought into how I can make the possible reunion a positive experience for the both of us. I do have some ideas that I believe will help make adoption reunions have a better chance of being a positive experience. The ideas are:

1. Be honest- You may think this goes without saying, but tell your birth child about why you placed them, or like in my case, why you lost custody of them, and any information you have about their biological father.

2. Be patient-Don’t expect a loving relationship to happen right away with your birth child. Good, loving, and trusting relationships take time to develop and grow.

3. Don’t bombard your birth child with gifts and things-I have heard this is a classic mistake in adoption reunions. Some birth mothers think that they need to give their birth child gifts and things to make up for lost time and for not being able to give them things over the years.

4. Don’t be pushy-I know you will have a lot of questions to ask your birth child about their life and their upbringing, but let them volunteer what information they feel comfortable with when they are ready to share it.

With these tips, I can not guarantee a wonderful reunion, but they will definitely set you on a positive path to a successful reunion.

Prayers Please ~ We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list.  Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)

"Please keep my friend Lyn in your prayers as she is having surgery March 1st. Also, please keep Amy and Thomas in your prayers. They are expecting, the doctors have told them there are problems, and there is a high risk of miscarriage. Thanks." ~ Mary
"Please continue to keep my brother and all the other service men and women serving in Iraq and other countries in your thoughts and prayers." ~ Jenifer Hulbert

Founder's Corner: A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

Since it's almost spring (and we are ready for spring!) and spring makes us think of new life, we thought that we would just embarrass ourselves further and show you all a baby pic of us as newborns. Can you guess which one is Coley and which one is Lani??

Happy Almost Spring!

~ Coley and Lani ~

Birthday Buds: Around her birth daughter's 1st birthday, Amy Morse had the bright idea that BirthMom Buds should give members the opportunity to announce their birthdays and their birth children's bdays in the newsletter. If you would like to have your birthday or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this section, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is March 21, then you need to email it to Amy by Feb 25th! So email Amy with those March birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section and thanks to Amy for her help with it! (You can click on each person's name to email her a birthday greeting.)

Kara Hart celebrates her own birthday on March 3rd and her birth daughter, Mary, turns 11 on March 5th.
Aimee Moore's birthson, Cole Thomas, celebrates his first birthday on March 19th.

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.

They Are Not the Enemy 
by Jennifer Divers
 

I cannot keep playing these scenarios in my head making them out to be the bad ones.
They did nothing wrong, and yet I still feel as though they taunt me with the one thing that they have, the one thing that is closest to my heart.

They are not the enemy, they are the chosen couple who had everything together, and they are the ones with their family now.
A family that I helped to create, and yet all I feel is alone and empty and broken and I just simply cannot get back to where everyone wants me to be.

My heart and soul are not a part of me any longer.
My heart left the day they walked out of that hospital with that beautiful baby in their arms,
and I left feeling empty and questioning if I can really do this.
I have never felt as lost as I do now,
knowing that the one person I love more than life itself just isn’t with me. 

I know she is thriving, but yet she is not thriving with me, and never will. 
Censored is what I feel.  I can’t say the things that are in my heart because I feel as though people think that I am stronger than I really am right now.
I have never felt as though I failed until I walked away from her, the one little miracle.

Now I am just lost, searching for forgiveness that I don’t think will ever come. 
Will she hate me in the future, will she understand?
Will she only see my age, and just assume that I could have done it, I could have sacrificed a little more for her?
I love her and miss her and all I am now is this broken person who can’t seem to look ahead any longer.
I feel as though I have nothing, they have everything.

They have everything including her.  
 

BirthMom Buds Home

Newsletter Archives

Email BirthMom Buds

Email Alicia, Newsletter Manager