BirthMom Buds Bulletin May 2005 Happy BirthMother

BirthMom Buds Bulletin
May 2005

Happy BirthMother's Day
and Mother's Day to all of you!

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!
Birthmother's Day ~ Bmom's Day is very soon! Don't forget about the 2 events BirthMom Buds is sponsoring! One event is in Spokane, WA and the other is in Greenville, SC. You can email BirthMom Buds for more details or view the bmom's day page for more details on these events plus other Bmom's day events.
Showcase page ~ Be sure and check out the new showcase page for Katie F.
Inspiration ~ Check out the new poems on the Poem page by Alicia Moser.
Chat nights ~ Chat nights are still on Monday nights at 10 pm eastern in a private yahoo chat room. IM Lani or Coley for an invite!
Helpers ~ As BBuds continues to grow, Coley and Lani are in need of some helpers! If you know of something you would like to do at BirthMom Buds, then please let us know! We're open to new ideas and we need help continuing some of the old ones!
Secret Sisters ~ Special thanks to Brandy who once again ran our Secret Sister program for Bmom's day. Thanks for making it successful for a second year!

Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.

"It is no small thing to give life.
To feel the kick of tiny feet.
To know that no matter how far apart you are,
there will always be someone out there
with whom you are connected.

Birthmothers hold a very special place in the community of mothers.
On Mother's Day especially, we deserve to be honored for all we have done for our children.
For the love we will always have for them. For the place that is theirs alone in our hearts. We begin by honoring each other.

For most birthmothers, Mother's Day is a day tinged with sadness and shame. Whether out of indifference or deliberate intent, family , friends and society in general often does not recognize our experience of motherhood. Many birthmothers feel that they do not have the right to be acknowledged on Mother's Day.

Each of us deals with the difficulties of Mother's Day in different ways. For some, a quiet day with sympathetic friends is most helpful, while others keep the pain and heartache of the day to themselves. A few, myself included, have come to use Mother's Day as a means of educating people, reminding others that this is a special day for birthmothers too.

A group of Seattle area birthmothers, in an effort not only to educate, but more importantly, to honor and remember, decided to create Birthmother's Day. The first gathering, on the Saturday before Mother's Day 1990, brought together birthmothers and supportive family and friends. One of the founders, Mary Jean Marsh, says that the Saturday before Mother's Day "seemed especially appropriate as our motherhood came before and foreshadows the motherhood of another."

Birthmother's Day is now commemorated all over the country. As the word spreads, more and more groups are organizing their own ceremonies. It is becoming the way for birthmothers to proclaim their motherhood, and for those who love and support then, to honor and remember their role as life givers.

To begin their new tradition, the birthmothers in Seattle felt that they needed to do more than simply gather together. They decided to create a ceremony that would not only give voice to their loss, but honor to the sacrifices they have made as well. It was to be a time of healing, as well as a time for respect.

Personally I have come to see that Birth Mother's day and Mother's Day honor two very different parts of my experience as a birthmother. It is a bittersweet week-end for me. So, on Saturday, I attend a Birth Mother's Day celebration so that I may have a place to acknowledge and honor the struggles, pain and on-going losses I feel connected to losing my son to adoption. On Sunday, I enjoy the Mother's Day celebrations I have with my son and his parents (as well as the children I am parenting) to honor my place as his "other mother".

Ultimately, it is not really a question of how we celebrate and remember our experience of motherhood, but that we do it in the first place. For too long we have been silent, accepting the view that in relinquishing our rights to parent, that our experiences in giving birth, and mothering our children those first few precious days, never happened.

To be a mother is to love, to nurture, to care. Before we were ever "birthmothers" we were mothers. And we still are. We have entered into the community of mothers by virtue of our love, by nurturing our children their first nine months of life, by caring for them enough to place them into the hands of another who could give them what we could not. Our experience of mothering, while not complete, is as valid as our children's adoptive mothers. Entrusting the adoptive mother with our role as parent does not negate all that has come before. That is what we need to remember and celebrate, in whatever way choose.

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas from gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.

Wow! Yet another Birthmother's and Mother's Day has come upon us. For a lot of us this is not our first Mother's Day. For me this will be my second Birthmother's/Mother's Day. I remember last year how difficult it was for me to get and out of bed on Mother's Day and be around other people who were happy. All I wanted to was sit and cry and people could not even start to understand how I was feeling. So this year I thought I would give a list of helpful hints on how to break through the grief of being a birth-mom over birthmother's and mother's day weekend. A lot of these ideas you can carry on longer than just for one weekend. I have used a lot of these, so these are based on experience.

I could go on…but I am hoping that you get the idea that there are lots of things that you can do to help this time of the year go by smoothly and hopefully somewhat happy. Remember…keep your chin up and things do get easier. I know…you have heard that over and over, but if it was not true none of us other birthmothers would keep saying that!

Prayers Please ~ We have decided to add this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)

Lani asks for prayers for her Grandfather who is having open heart surgery and for her sister in law to have a healthy pregnancy.

Coley asks for prayers for her brother in law who's no longer in remission from lung and throat cancer.

Mary asks for prayers that physical therapy heals her back so she doesn't require surgery.

*NEW* Section ~ Birthday Buds!
Amy Morse's birth daughter Kaylee turned 1 on Jan 31 and Amy had the bright idea that BirthMom Buds should give members the opportunity to announce their birthdays and their birth children's bdays in the newsletter. If you would like to have your or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this new section of the newsletter, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is June 25th, then you need to email it to Amy by May 25th! So email Amy with those June birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section and thanks to Amy for her help with it!

April Haberman's birthson, Nickolas, will be turning 2 years old on May 3rd.

Founder's Corner: A new little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

Coley shares about speaking on Let's Talk Adoption -

This month, I had the awesome experience to share our ministry and mission of BirthMom Buds on the radio. Let's Talk Adoption is a national radio show played on internet radio. Let's Talk Adoption is hosted by Mardie Caldwell, founder of the Lifetime Foundation. I was asked to be a guest and agreed to be on the show. I was able to talk about how I met Lani, our inspiration for BirthMom Buds, talk about a few of our members, and more! You can still listen to the show in their archives by clicking here. It was a great experience to be on the show and be able to share!

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.

I know you still remember
On that April Day
When you gave birth to me
and had to walk away

I know it is not because
You did not care for me
You only wanted what was best
And that is how it had to be

It takes a very strong person
To give a child away
Doing what is right for the child
No matter what others might say

I think of you often
And wonder who you are
If I will ever know you
And if I am up to par

I hope to get the chance
To talk to you some day
I have so many questions
So many things to say

I want you to know that I love you
And I always will
I hope to have the opportunity
To tell you how I feel

All I can hope for
Is that you feel the same way
Please do not turn away from me
And not hear what I have to say

I promise to honor
whatever you choose
I have to take a chance and find you
what have I got to lose