BirthMom Buds Bulletin
May 2006

What's new with BirthMom Buds: Just a little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing.
New Showcase Pages ~ Check out the new showcase pages for Jennifer W. and Stacie S.
Birthmother's Day Events and Chat ~ There are a few events for Bmom's day listed on the Bmom's Day page and if you don't have a Bmom's Day Event in your area or can not attend one this year, then attend the special BirthMom Buds Birthmother's Day Chat hosted by Suzi T. on May 13th at 10 pm eastern in a private yahoo chat room. IM Suzi at good2btrue69 on yahoo for an invite!
Mentors needed ~ We are in need of mentors - if you are one year post placement, at peace with your decision, and have a desire to support a gal who is pregnant and considering adoption, check out the mentoring page for more info and an application.

 

        

Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization,  individual, or issue.

 

Birthmother’s Day 2006 
By Suzi Thompson

Unfortunately Birthmothers Day is not a day that you will find marked on any calendar, although it is celebrated by hundreds of women across the country.  Birthmothers Day was created by two women from Seattle were having a difficult time with their losses and wanted a day set up for birthmothers to unite and share together their memories, grief, and celebrate our right to motherhood of our birth children.  

Mothers Day is typically a hard time for birthmothers especially those who are new to the way of life.  By participating in a Birthmothers Day celebration you could find some comfort in knowing you are not alone.  You can also openly share your experiences, stories, dreams, and wishes for your birth child with other women who know where you are coming from.   

Here are some things that you can expect at a Birthmothers Day celebration:
Sending off balloons
Speakers from different areas in the Adoption Triad
Lighting of Candles
Music
Readings
Sharing pictures, or something that reminds you of your birth child
Doing crafts
Lunch may or may not be included 

Every celebration differs a little from the next.  At some you may find only birthmothers, others may welcome anyone who is part of an adoption.  To find if there is a celebration in your area you can call local adoption agencies, ask other birthmothers, check the bmom page and other adoption websites, or you could organize one yourself.  When looking around make sure to take notice to the specifics, some are by reservation only.   

Whether you attend a celebration or not, Happy Birthmom's Day!
 
 

 

                           

Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it. 

30 ways to Celebrate Birthmother’s Day
by Vanessa Loyer

For all birthmothers this day is hard. Memories linger, while often the wounds aren’t healed. This year will be my second Birthmother’s Day and to be honest I wasn't really prepared for the first one. I wasn't sure what to do or how to handle it. The emotions were still there and the wound hadn't healed. As it approached in May of 2005, I learned from many different birthmother's websites how to handle it. My family didn't understand what I was going through so celebrating that day meant nothing to them, but it meant alot to me. It meant that there were women, other birthmothers, who were going through the same thing and felt much like I did and I wasn't alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I've come up with 30 things to help you get through the day. Remember TODAY IS ABOUT YOU!!!

As it now approaches May 2006, I look forward to this Birthmother's and Mother's Day. I have a new little one and he means a lot to me. Birthmothers day will always be hard for me, but I will always spend it the way I see fit. You may choose to do 1 or 2 on the list - or all of them - it's up to you. Most importantly - have fun!  

30 Ways to Get through Birthmother's Day
1. Say a prayer
2. Write your child a letter
3. Take a hike/walk
4. Start a scrapbook for him or her
5. Write a poem and send it to someone special
6. Buy a rose
7. Devote your time to healing
8. Spend time with friends
9. Veg out watching movies
10. Listen to your favorite love song
11. Look at the baby pictures ( if you have any)
12. Talk to the adoptive parents( if you feel you can and you want too)
13. Plant a tree or flower
14. Write the dream you want to come true and place it in a (wine) bottle and throw it into the ocean, river, lake, etc.. (if you live near one)
15. Cry
16. Laugh
17. Dine out (if it's something you don't do very often)
18. Read a book/magazine
19. Talk to a fellow birthmother
20. Journal your feelings about the day
21. Have a cup of tea, latte, coffee or a glass of wine, ice tea, etc.
22. Go to a pet store and hold an animal
23. Cry some more
24. Go to a park and get on a swing and swing as high as you can
25. Put on a sexy black dress and go dancing
26. Let all your emotions go, laugh and cry at the same time
27. Hold a baby (if you feel like this will help you heal)
28. Attend a birthmothers conference in your area, if you can't send a fellow birthmother an e-card to let her know your thinking of her on this day.
29. Don't forget to spend it anyway you want
30. Buy yourself something nice (jewelry, champagne, cd, movie, an article of clothing, a book etc.)

I hope old and new birthmothers will find this helpful on this day. I will be thinking about you on this Birthmother's Day. God Bless You All!

If you tried some of Vanessa's suggestions, she'd love to hear from you. Email her at vanessa.m.loyer@gmail.com.

Buddy of the Month: All of you are appreciated, but each month we will spotlight a different involved member. You can also nominate fellow BirthMom Buds who you think deserve to be buddy of the month. For more info or to nominate a friend, visit the Buddy of the Month Page.

Congratulations are in order for May’s Birthmom Bud of the month, Tracy Vargason!  Tracy is the former Birthmom of the Month coordinator so the tables were turned when we delved into what made Tracy tick.

This avocado loving Minnesota Mom would love to play with her favorite childhood toy, Baby Drowsy, because “Baby Drowsy had a pink polka dot fabric body and a pull cord that spoke when you pulled it that said night night” Still in touch with her inner child, if she could be invisible for one day she said she would do “Silly pranks like pushing papers in the floor in front of people and turning faucets on, opening and closing doors stuff like that.” Another bit of information to make you laugh, Tracy has a birthmark that looks like a Poodle, yes, a poodle.

When asked who the most interesting person she had ever met was, Tracy’s response was, “This is a really hard question for me - but I am going with my Dad. He grew up in an extremely poor abusive home with an alcoholic father, led a very colorful youth, was in the service and Vietnam, has been an excellent provider and husband to my mother, a great father to my brother and I. I guess I chose him because he started from nothing, seriously nothing, had many opportunities to make bad choices (made some), but still ended up a respected member of society and the community. He would say it’s all about your choices, not your upbringing.”  She also remembers her Dad teaching her how to cook when she was growing up.  Her favorite family memory included these cooking lessons and “With my mom, she always hung tinsel on the Christmas tree one strand at a time while my Dad and brother and I watched some great Christmas show on the TV eating popcorn.”

If she seems like she couldn’t get any better, hold on to your seats.  If we gave her 75,000 to donate to any charity, she would choose to give it to the National Epilepsy Foundation.  And while she admittedly has no clue who Mr. Peepers and Mango are, Mickey Mouse is number one in her book! 

Tracy became a birthmom 16 years ago when she placed her son in a semi-open adoption. Tracy recently moved across the country from Montana to Minnesota and now resides back in her hometown. Tracy is married to her loving husband Corey and is a busy stay at home mom of 2 young boys, Jacob and Justin. She enjoys scrapbooking and every sport there is – both as a spectator and a player. She is our former buddy of the month coordinator and frequently participates in Monday night chats as well as frequently writes for the BirthMom Buds Bulletin.  

Thank you Tracy for all of your hard work and dedication to Birthmom Buds, and thanks for making us smile!

                           

Prayers Please ~ We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list.  Mary (Snowprincess in our chats) has agreed to be in charge of this section, so please send your prayer requests to her - just put "BBuds prayer request" in the subject so she won't think it's junk mail! :)

"My Grandma Ginny is very sick. She has uterine cancer. They did a cat scan and she is having a biopsy on May 10th. She is taking a lot of pain medicine until the surgery and can not take of herself. A friend of hers is taking care of her. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. I am heartbroken over this. Thanks." ~ Alicia

"Thank you to everyone who helped pray for the peaceful crossing over for my family's friend Louie. He has now gone on to better things and we would like to have everyone pray for his family and close friends in finding comfort during this time of loss." ~ Suzi Thompson

"My bson has just told me that in Aug he'll be going back to Iraq (3rd time). Please include Jim in the prayer list. Not sure how I'll deal w/this. Jim is career military, this is what he does. Thanks." ~Bonnie R.

"As many of you may know already, my brother in law lost his battle with cancer on April 29th. Please pray for my family in the upcoming days as we deal with the funeral. Please especially keep his wife and children in your thoughts and prayers." ~ Coley S.

                           

Birthday Buds: Around her birth daughter's 1st birthday, Amy Morse had the bright idea that BirthMom Buds should give members the opportunity to announce their birthdays and their birth children's bdays in the newsletter. If you would like to have your birthday or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this section, please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to Amy by the 25th of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday is June 21, then you need to email it to Amy by May 25th! So email Amy with those June birthdays now! We hope you enjoy the new section and thanks to Amy for her help with it!

Jessica Phole celebrates her birthday on May 1 and her daughter turns 1 on May 4th.
Melanie Mosberg's daughter, Sarah Grace, will turn 2 on May 17th.
Jenifer Hulbert's daughter will be 10 on May 31.

 

                           

Founder's Corner: A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.

 We have both been very busy lately preparing for upcoming events. The first week of May, we will be conducting a workshop on adoption from a birthmother's point of view at the 21st Annual South Carolina Conference for Adoptable Children in Myrtle Beach. We are very excited for this opportunity and the privilege of being your voice.

May 13th is Birthmother's Day and our big Birthmother's Event in Greenville, SC. We have members traveling from out of town to attend and we are excited to meet new friends and see the old ones from last year's event.

If there is a Birthmother's Day Celebration in your area, we hope you are able to attend! And if not, we hope that you will consider some of the ideas featured in this newsletter and choose a few to honor yourself. Where ever you are, whatever you are doing, we hope that each of you take a moment on Birthmother's Day or Mother's Day to honor your motherhood. You all are life givers and good mothers!

We promise to recap the conference and our Bmom's Day Event and, of course,  share pictures with you next month!

Hugs and love,

Coley and Lani

 

Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.

Celebrate
by Tracy Vargason 

Everyone has a different way of coping with Birthmother’s Day.  For many years my way was to be alone or unhappy and filled with sadness.   

Last year I was fortunate enough to attend a Birthmother’s Day celebration and meet other birthmothers.   We shared stories, laughs, tears, and made a friendship bond that cannot be broken.  Making those friendships has given me the courage to again celebrate that I am a birthmother.  This year instead of looking at this day with sadness or regrets, I will CELEBRATE!!! 

C - Call another Birthmother
E - Erase negative  feelings from your mind
L - Laugh often and much every day of your life
E - Enter thoughts in a journal
B - Break down and cry if it will make you feel better
R - Rely on others for support
A - Attend a Birthmother’s Day celebration
T - Think of your birth child and his/her adoptive parents with joy
E - Express your feelings in a constructive way

B - Be proud of your choices
I - Investigate if there is a Birthmother’s Day celebration in your area, if not try planning one
R - Remember and honor your child in your own special way
T - Take some time for your self
M - Make the choice to be a positive influence on the adoption community
O - Offer to do volunteer work on a topic that interests you
T- Talk to friends, clergy or professional if you need to
H - Help another birth mom by supporting her 
E - Exercise and eat healthy
R - Respect yourself, the adoptive parents and all people around you
S - Share your story with friends, family and others

D - Do not feel regret and doubt
A - Always project a positive attitude
Y - You will never be alone when you give and receive love

 

 

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