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What's new with BirthMom
Buds:
Just a
little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!
Ideas and Insights:
Some
ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal
with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways
to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
Why Birthmom Friends are Important
When I was pregnant with my birth daughter Kaylee, I remember feeling alone in so many ways. Sure, I was blessed with great family support and a wonderful social worker that helped me through my rock bottom days, but I didn’t have anyone around who truly understood the depths of a young heart trying to make a life changing decision.
Around 6 months of pregnancy, I remember eagerly searching online for birthmoms to talk to as I was weighing my decision of whether to place her in an adoption or to parent. I stumbled upon an online group called “Adoptions of Love” and the name itself spoke to my heart. If I was to choose adoption for my daughter, the love I have for her would definitely be why! I joined and introduced myself, 16 years old at the time and living in an emotional limbo between my heart and mind. Soon, I was connected with both adoptive moms and birthmoms who loved on me, gave advice, and virtual hugs. But, one birthmom quickly became the support I needed at that time in life. She had gone through an open adoption herself a few months prior and had the fresh and real perspective I needed about the adoption decision. Plus, we were amazed at how many similarities we had with each other outside of teen pregnancy and adoption, like the father of our child had the same name (not the same guy though, promise!) and we both loved to write. The downside? She lived several states away. But between instant messenger, the online group, phone calls, and emails, we became best friends. Her support was invaluable during that time in my life, and the years following. She even drove 13 hours to be by my side as I signed my rights away, crying with me as she felt my pain as real as her own. Seven years later, she still is my best friend despite the online group not being alive anymore, living states away, and regardless of how busy our lives are now that we both are wives and moms. We always know we can call each other and have a connection that we can’t always share with other people.
Why are birthmom friends so important?
1. 1.
Connection
like no other - Once you find a birthmom friend, it seems like an
invisible string is immediately attached between the two of you. You
know each other; you get each other on a deeper level that others
may never know. So, how to find some birthmom friends? Of course, BirthMom Buds is a great place to start! There are so many options to get connected through the chat nights, yearly retreat, the Buddy System, and the forums. Beyond that, searching the internet for birthmom blogs or facebook groups is a place to start, and definitely local birthmom groups are great if you are lucky to have one in your area. If you placed through an agency they might have some groups available to get you connected or put you in contact with another birthmom that placed and is looking for support. It’s absolutely worth the effort to find birthmom friends; they become your soul sisters!
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.
Spotlight on American Adoption Congress
A little back story… I am in an open adoption which is unfortunately, broken. Currently there are 15 states that legally bind open adoption agreements and unfortunately, North Carolina is not one of them. With this information I began my quest to get a law passed in North Carolina to legalize open adoption agreements.
I signed up to become a member and contacted my state representative to learn about the process of getting a law passed. The representative thought I would be a great addition to their volunteer staff and recruited me to also become a state representative. So I was official very quickly.
Their national conference was coming up and I signed up to attend. It was a very powerful five days filled with informative workshops, empowering and motivational keynote speakers and films. I saw a side of adoption I don’t really think about often. What about women who placed 20, 30, 40 plus years ago? Their view of adoption is quite different. They were not afforded the choices we have today. They struggle daily searching for their birth children. Many of us today are fortunate to have not only met our birth children but have some type of relationship with the adoptive family. I am looking forward to my journey as a North Carolina State Representative for the American Adoption Congress.
Below is a little more information about the AAC.
AAC Mission Statement: We promote honesty, openness and respect for family connections in adoption, foster care and assisted reproduction. We provide education for our members and professional communities about the lifelong process of adoption. We advocate legislation that will grant every individual access to information about his or her family and heritage.
The AAC is committed to: * Changing public policies related to adoption practices in order to acknowledge adoption as an extension of family * Enacting legislation in all states that guarantees access to identifying information for all adopted persons and their birth and adoptive families through records access and preservation of open adoption agreements * Facilitating birth family reunification for all adopted adults, without prior restraint, through search and support group networking and/or social service assistance
Check out the AAC website for more information about becoming a member.
Founder's Corner: A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds.
We are already looking forward to and planning next years Birthmother's
Day Celebration and Retreat for May 4-6, 2010. We hope you'll be able to
make it!
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At the end of April/beginning of May, BirthMom Buds held our
7th annual Birthmother's Day Retreat in Charlotte, North Carolina. Once again, we had a great time
meeting new birthmothers and rekindling friendships with
birthmothers who had previously attended.
