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BirthMom
Buds Bulletin
"Clothes make a
statement - costumes tell a story."
What's new with BirthMom
Buds: Just a
little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!
Ideas and Insights:
Some
ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal
with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways
to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
Lessons Learned from being
a Birthmother My journey as a birthmother has taught me many things. Some of these things or “lessons” are things I already knew but have been reaffirmed in my walk as a birthmother while others specifically relate to adoption and I didn’t comprehend until I became a birthmother and an active member of the adoption community.
What have you learned since becoming a birthmother?
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.
Becoming the Light in the Darkness through Mentoring When I was pregnant and in the process of making a life plan for my son, I went to counseling religiously because I knew I had to be mentally and spiritually healthy for the events that were about to take place in my life. Numerous topics were brought up in counseling such as how to choose the right parents for my son, the hospital stay, and how to move forward after I went home without a child in my arms. My counselor, Becky, was incredible during this process. She broached all of the topics with care and love, but I felt like there was something missing. Even though Becky had been working with members of the adoption triad for years, she personally did not know the feelings and struggles that an expectant mother considering adoption or a birthmother could and would go through. She often empathized with me and offered advice on how previous birthmothers dealt with similar situations. However, I longed to have a relationship with a birthmother who went through the process so she could offer support and care in a way that only birthmothers would understand. I did meet a birthmother, but we didn’t bond or have a close relationship. I wanted someone who could listen to my struggles, insecurities, and sorrows. I wanted someone who could be excited at my accomplishments. I wanted someone to guide me. I NEEDED a mentor. Mentoring is not something that every birthmother can and should do. From personal experience and mentoring a girl two years ago, you face the same issues that you went through when you were placing, but in a different perspective. Deep seeded feelings are brought to the surface, and if you are not emotionally and mentally ready to deal with those feelings, the mentoring process can be detrimental. I met my “mentee” through our mutual caseworker, Becky. Emily* was a young girl who had a very similar conception situation to me. Although we were both in different age categories when we got pregnant, we both knew that at that present moment in our lives, we were not ready to parent the child we were carrying. Emily wanted to meet a birthmother that had gone through the process. Her mother wanted to meet a birth grand mother as well, so she had the opportunity to meet my mother. Emily was very guarded at first, but as we got to know each other, she realized that I was not there to make sure she went through with the adoption plan; I was there to provide support and to be there in a way only a birthmother would understand. At first, she wanted a semi-open adoption for her son, but at the end, she saw the beauty of open adoption and how I loved having a relationship with my son, and wanted the same for herself. I was with her through her labor and stayed with her family when she had to have an emergency C-section. I stayed with her in the hospital while she recovered and I helped to facilitate some bonding moments with her and her son. Although she had family that was very involved, it became very apparent that having me at the hospital was crucial since Emily’s mother was dealing with her own emotions of grief and loss of her first grand child. We talked a lot, cried together and rejoiced in the beauty of the child that she gave birth to. I was also present at her handing over ceremony and at that moment when she placed her son in the arms of the couple she chose, there was a bond formed that no one could penetrate. Emily and I are still very close. She has moved to a different city and we don’t see each other as much, but when we do get the opportunity to be together, it is like we never left each other. She is one of my closest friends now, and I cannot imagine my life without her. I enjoyed my mentoring experience and I would love to do it again. That does not mean it was easy. In fact, it was a very hard experience. Watching Emily go through the same situation as I did was very emotionally draining. I think I cried more than Emily did! I made sure to keep my caseworker, Becky informed through the whole entire process of how I was doing to make sure that I was able to be a rock for Emily. I faced a lot of emotions that I thought were put away. It was a healing process for me and I am so thankful I was able to be there for her. You can become a mentor in a couple of ways. Talk with your caseworker or someone at the adoption agency you placed through and see if both of you feel you are ready to journey with an expectant mother considering adoption. BirthMom Buds also has an excellent mentoring program that pairs an expectant mother considering an adoption plan with a birthmother. For further information about the BirthMom Buds mentoring program, check out this page. As always, discern carefully if you are ready to take this journey. As birthmothers, we already know what it feels like to stand out in the crowd. If you become a mentor, you will be able to light the way for another woman in need and show them how awesome it is to cooperate in God’s creation. * The name has been changed to protect this birthmother’s privacy.
Birthday Buds:
In this section, we will list birthdays of our members and their birth children,
so if you
would like to
have your birthday or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this section,
please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to
Amy by the 25th
of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday
is November 21, then you need to email it to Amy by October 21st. (Note: You can click
on the names below to email them or send an e-card.)
Prayers Please: We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Email Amy with your prayer requests. "
I am going to see my son and his adoptive parents on October. 15.
They live in another state so this involves me flying back and
forth. I am legally blind and getting divorced, so I will be
traveling alone. Please pray that all goes well for me and with our
visit. My son turned 5 on September 30th and so far, our twice
yearly visits have always gone well. Thanks!" ~
Hope from Mesa Arizona
Buddy of the Month: All of you are appreciated, but each month we will spotlight a different involved member.
Though Jill always felt like a part of her was missing and never ever forgot her son as she was told to do, she went on to marry and have two other children, Zoe and Greg, who are now 38 and 33. Jill located her son, who was named Julian, but went by Jools in November of 2002 and had her first face to face with him in early 2003. They enjoyed getting to know one another and spending time together until Jools was killed on February 22, 2008. Jill didn’t think she could survive loosing Jools a second time and her favorite quote and mantra then became “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” Such wise words! If Jill’s life were to be made into a movie she thinks that Meryl Street should play her and it should simply be titled “My Story.” In her spare time, Jill enjoys reading, being on the computer, swimming, and traveling. In closing, I want to share a beautiful, touching poem that Jill shared with me written for Jools after he died. Thank you Jill for sharing your story with us!
I lost my son, not once but twice - how is that you say.
Much later did I find him, my broken heart found joy -
So now my heart is broken - nothing will make it right.
Founder's Corner: A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds. Happy Fall Ladies,
As Alicia
mentions in her creative poem below, October is National Breast
Cancer Awareness Month. I’ll be wearing my pink ribbon proudly
throughout the month as I’m sure many of you will do as well.
Until next month -
Hugs,
Birthmother Support Groups: We've added this feature to our monthly newsletters in the hopes that it will connect you with local birthmother support groups if that is something that you are searching for. While we believe the support you'll find at BirthMom Buds is invaluable, we also believe that the support that you'll find at a live support group meeting other birthmothers face to face is just as invaluable. This list is going to start off short but hopefully, it will grow over time as more people find out about it and as more people begin to form support groups for birthmothers in their local communities.
California
Indiana
North
Carolina
Pennsylvania
Wisconsin
Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.
Breast Cancer
Awareness Month Poem
Being a birth
mother is just part of who we are,
Newsletter Archives
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October’s
Buddy of the Month, Jill, became a birthmother at the age of 16 when
she gave birth to her son and placed him into a closed adoption in
1967, which was the norm at that time.