BirthMom Buds

Open Adoptions
by Margie Bognar
 

Open adoption involves sharing confidential information like full names and addresses, before or at the time of the placement of the child with the adoptive family.

In an open adoption, you will develop an ongoing relationship with the adoptive family and the child. You can choose, meet, and interview the family who you desire to adopt your child. You are allowing the adoptive parents to parent and raise your child but you will still remain in contact with your child. The amount of ongoing contact between you and your child and the adoptive family is agreed upon by both parties and varies from situation to situation. Ongoing contact between the birth parents and adoptive parents take place after the child has been placed with the adoptive family. This could be receiving pictures, visiting with the child as he/she grows, attending special functions with the extended family members, etc. There will be direct correspondence between the birth family and the adoptive family.

Advantages To An Open Adoption

In this type of adoption you can communicate directly with the adoptive parents instead of going through an agency. You can develop a deeper relationship with the family. Information is shared easily between the two parties in an open adoption. The child has direct access to his biological medical history.

Disadvantages Of An Open Adoption

Some adoptive families are not comfortable with the birth parents participating in the child's life after placement. Also most birthparents are still very connected to their child in the first year of his/her life. After this time, most birthparents move on with their life and are dating someone else, gone back to school, or started a new job. Basically they move on with their life and even though they still think of the child they don't need or want that constant contact. They feel secure in their decision of placing their child for adoption.

When a birthparent decides to drop out of that child's life it will be another loss in the child's life. In making the decision to have an open adoption you are making the choice to commit the next 18 years of your life to be available for your child as he/she grows up. You will do well in an open adoption relationship if you view yourself as a friend of the adoptive family as the child grows up. You will no longer be mother or father. You will need to be accepting of the entire adoptive family and build a relationship with them based on what is best for the child. In an open adoption relationship, children grow up knowing the circumstances of why they were placed for adoption and that they are loved by their family members---the parents who adopted them and by the birthparents

Tips for those of you who participate in open adoptions:   

• Listen to each other's ideas and concerns.
• If something bugs you nicely tell them.
• Try to maintain contact regularly through email, letters, or phone.
• Be completely open and honest.
• Share information, be expressive and affectionate.
• Express concerns directly and graciously.
• Compliment each other and share your appreciation of one another.
• Be optimistic.
• Be proud of one another and your adoption relationship!

Note about the author: Margie participates in an open adoption with her daughter and her daughter's adoptive family.