|
BirthMom Buds Bulletin
What's new with BirthMom
Buds: Just a
little note to keep you up to date with all the great things we are doing!
Ideas and Insights: Some ideas for gifts to your birth child or adoptive parents, creative ways to deal with being a birthmom, insight on things to do or say with your buddy, and ways to shed some light about being a birthmom to those who just don't get it.
“Do You Have Children?” When I made the decision to place my son for adoption, I didn’t even think about how I would deal with acknowledging it in the future. I’m sure every one of us at one point or another is asked “So, do you have any kids?” and if you’re anything like me, my first reaction is thinking to myself “do I say no? Should I say yes and if I do, do I want to deal with all the questions and judgment after I tell them?” Why is it that I feel unsure, almost ashamed? I have come to the conclusion that I am proud to be a birth mother. I am proud of my son and the life he now has. It’s my decision who is worthy of being a part of that, but in general, I will answer “Yes, I have a son”. If they ask further, I’ll be honest. If they don’t ask for more details, then no big deal. More often than not, you won’t even get another question asking details. It’s the same as someone passing by asking “How are you doing?” and you respond “I’m fine, how are you?” Let’s be honest, they don’t really want to hear the details about how you’re really doing, they’re just being polite and making conversation. The same goes for the question: “So, do you have kids?” Bottom line, everyone is different. Every woman I’ve met that has placed a child for adoption feels slightly different than another. If you’re comfortable being completely open with people about your adoption experience, then why not? If you’re not, then that is no ones decision other than yours. Time Passes, Love does not. No matter how old your child is, I’m sure we will all agree that your love for them never dies, nor does it lessen. My son is now 6 years old and although I’ve been through a lot of emotional battles over those years, I still love my son with all my heart and soul. I have always and will always want what is best for him and I am proud to be his birth mother. I am not ashamed to announce that I am, but it is still a precious thing to me and I choose who I want to share it with. Until you have found a response you’re comfortable with, here are a few suggestions. See which one, if any, suits you best: “Do you have children?” 1. “Yes, but he/she doesn’t live with me.” 2. “Yes, I have a son/daughter who I placed for adoption.” Be prepared that you might have to explain more with this answer. 3. “Yes.” A simple yes will suffice if you don’t feel like explaining, especially if this is a random person, like the lady behind you in line at the super market that you probably won’t see again in the future. 4. “No.” There might be times in which you just want to say no. You don’t feel like dealing with additional questions or feeling judged. Don’t feel like you are denying your child if you choose to use this answer. Your heart knows the correct answer and that’s what really matters. For a lot of birthmothers, it can be difficult to talk about your birth child with people you don’t know and it all comes down to whether you feel that the particular person asking is someone you’d like to share your personal feelings with. Just remember that you do not have to feel guilty if you’re “claiming” your birth child as one of your own when you’re asked this question. If you want to go into detail, great, if not and you find it easier to simply say “No”, that does not mean you’re denying your child and you have no reason to feel guilty about it. Just remember that placing your child for adoption was a very personal and emotional experience for you and no one, but you can decide who gets to be a part of that!
Adoption Spotlight: Focusing on any adoption or women's issues related web site, organization, individual, or issue.
Book Review: A Treasury of Adoption
Miracles
This isn’t a bad book at all, but I must warn you; it is a fluffy, “feel good”
book. The title really fits it because each short story really portrays
miraculous, once-in-a-lifetime type occurrences.
Buddy of the Month: All of you are appreciated, but each month we will spotlight a different involved member. You can also nominate fellow BirthMom Buds who you think deserve to be buddy of the month. For more info or to nominate a friend, visit the Buddy of the Month Page.
September’s Buddy of
the Month
Leah
is married to her sweetheart, Mark, and together they have a beautiful
daughter, Savannah, who is one and a half. Leah says that parenting Savannah
has reaffirmed that she made the best choice for Kaylee when she made her
adoption plan. Thank you, Leah, for sharing your talent with other birthmothers!
Birthday Buds:
In this section, we will list birthdays of our members and their birth children,
so if you
would like to
have your birthday or your birth child's birthday mentioned in this section,
please email the birth date, your name or your child's name, to
Amy by the 25th
of the month before your birthday. For example, if your child's birthday
is November 21, then you need to email it to Amy by October 21st. (Note: You can click
on the names below to email them or send an e-card.)
Prayers Please: We added this section because so many of you have asked us to remember you or your loved ones in our prayers. We have never wanted to force religion on anyone, so if you don't pray, then skip this section and go on to the next! And if you do pray - add the people listed here to your prayer list. Email Amy with your prayer requests.
Founder's Corner: A little section to help keep you up to date with Coley and Lani as they share their lives, their thoughts, and what they're doing with BirthMom Buds. September Reflections
Lani's Thoughts:
I remember Charlie’s first birthday like it was yesterday. I had no idea what that first birthday would hold, how I would feel, what I would want to do, etc… But I made it through that first birthday. There were moments of joy as I thought about the sweet baby boy I had brought into this world and then tears of sadness as I thought about the loss I felt in the days after his birth. But, I made it through it! I knew at that moment that Charlie’s birthdays were always going to be bittersweet for me but I would make it through them. I’m proud to say that I have made it through almost seven years of birthdays and although they may be difficult, with support you can make it through many too!
Inspiration: Little things to inspire a birthmom from poems, stories, and quotes to encouraging words.
Heartfelt Honesty
She
is the mother I could not be,
My
broken heart is healing
It
gave my babies a voice.
Newsletter Archives
|
Kingsbury
is a compilation of many different short stories written by those touched by
adoption. 
“Shy, creative, and loving” are three words used to describe September’s Buddy
of the Month, Leah O. Leah is a young Mom, Birthmom, and wife who will
celebrate her twenty first birthday this month!
an adoption plan for
her daughter, Kaylee. Leah has an open adoption with Kaylee and family which
includes visits through out the year, pictures, and updates. 
She
loves to write and shows that love through her personal blog, 
