About Jessica:
My name is Jessica, or Jess.. For those who I haven't had the pleasure of
talking to yet, I'm 23 and currently living in Tampa Florida. I was raised
in NJ though, and it shows in attitude and driving skills. ;) I'm still
taking classes in Microsoft Office, but I sing opera in an Italian
restaurant to make some pocket money. My adoption was closed, but I hope
that they tell her about adoption, and that someday she wants to find me. If
only for pictures or e-mail chat or something. I know how frustrating not
having a medical history is. I named my daughter Tabitha Jane; she was born
May 4th, 7 lbs and 3 ox, 19 in.. But I don't know what her parents call her.
I'm not married, but am currently seeing someone who has been so incredibly
sweet and supportive it's not even funny. I like to sing, read, write, and
watch horror films.. the cheesier the better.
Jessica's Story
On May 4th I woke up with bad cramps. My lower back hurt slightly, and I bled
a bit. I hadn't been on birth control for awhile, and friends told me it
sometimes took months before your period comes back, and I attributed the
cramps to this. I finally gave up and called 911 around 11 o' clock. My
daughter was born a litle before 12am. I had no idea that I was pregnant
during the entire nine months. I suppose the thought crossed my mind, but my
(admittedly meager) math skills made me think I wasn't. I had a natural birth
(vaginal, no drugs) and thank god she was perfect. I had no idea I was
pregnant, and I had been smoking and drinking, along with occasional marijuana
and coke. My first question was How is she? and Did I hurt her? I would have
quit everything in a heartbeat if I had known. But at the same time, I'm so
glad I wasn't confronted with the decision of whether or not to keep her. At
23, with no job and the birthfather not in the picture, I don't know what I
would have chosen. My dad doesn't seem to really want information, and like I
said, the birthfather isn't in the picture. My best friend is the only one who
has given me constant support; calling out of work to come sit with me in the
hospital, arguing on my behalf with DCFS.. I haven't told the rest of my
family yet; I'm still thinking about whether or not I want to.
I was adopted three or four days after my birth, and my a-parents couldn't
have been better. They always told me I was adopted, and told me that they
chose me, that they were lucky. They told me it wasn't that my birthmom didn't
love me; it was that she loved me enough to want a better life for me. They
were great with me. So I've always looked on adoption as a good alternative. I
knew I couldn't provide the home my daughter deserved, so decided on adoption.
I know that my birthmother's choice made my parents very happy, and just hoped
I could do right by my daughter and another couple at the same time. Since I
was adopted, I haven't really regretted my decision. I know she has a better
life than I could give her at this point. I just hope that her adoptive
parents tell her, and that someday she understands why I chose the way I did.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story!
Please sign my guestbook and let me know you were here!
