Krissy's Showcase Page

Meet Krissy

Hi my name is Krissy Renee Mitchell. I am 27 years old and I live in Washington. My Birthdaughter's name is Rylee Renee and I have a fully open adoption. I am married and have 2 other beautiful babies, Jayson Lee, born in 10/2003 and our newest addition Kaylee Beverly Jean, born 10/2005. I am the oldest of four children. I have a very large family and we are all so very close, they are the most important people in my life. I love sports, I played softball for many years. I also love to cook, bake, sew and in my spare time I scrapbook.

Krissy's Story

My story begins in May of 2001, I was 22 years old. At this time I was living in an apartment with my best friend Casey. On May 10th I lost my job at the bank that I had for 3 years, so I was worrying about if I would be able to make our rent. May 15th I realized that my period was 2 weeks late (which I wasn't really worried about because mine are so irregular anyway). I called my boyfriend Jeff of 3 years ( he was living in Portland at the time, and is not the birthfather) he told me to go buy a pregnancy test just in case. I did, I took the test it said POSITIVE. Right away I rushed to another store and bought a different type of pregnancy test...that one too...said Positive. My reaction to the tests were weird. After the first test I took and I saw the POSITIVE sign I got... excited and happy then right after that I got scared, upset and worried. When the 2nd pregnancy test said POSITIVE...again I got excited for the first minute..then reality took over me. The next thing I thought of, was having to telling my mom! How horrible that would be for me. To tell my mom that her very first daughter was pregnant and not married. I was devastated

I ended up turning to my friends, most of my friends and even my closest friends told me that I should have an abortion. I was so confused and upset at this, because before I had never believed in abortion, but now being in this situation I started to think otherwise. Should I have one? My life could go back to normal, that's what all my friends had said. I had started to think that they were right. I've never been a good decision maker. I always wanted and had other people make my decisions for me. I ended up making an appointment with a clinic to have an abortion the following week, not wanting to the whole time. I was so nervous, the day of the appointment came...I couldn't do it, I couldn't go. I called the clinic and rescheduled the appointment. After I made that second appointment I new I needed to talk to someone, that's when I went to my cousin Jessica, she has 3 kids of her own, and I felt comfortable with telling her. She was very supportive, she is a Christian, and I new I needed that. I think she kind of got excited that another baby would be in the family, but she understood my pain too. She told me to go talk to her mom, my Aunt Karen. I went to her immediately. She is also a Christian, and the strongest Christian women I know. I new I could talk to her and I am so glad I did. She was defiantly the right person to go to. I cried we prayed and after talking with her, I felt so much better, she always knows the right things to say and that is so comforting to me. From that moment on I new I was going to keep my baby. Needless to say, I DIDN'T keep that appointment!!

During this time, I was moving out of my apartment with my best friend Casey, we didn't leave each other on good terms, and that broke my heart, she was always so important in my life, and now she wouldn't be there, during the time I needed her most.

I put all my belongings into a storage that I couldn't afford and moved back in with my parents. At this time my parents still didn't know I was pregnant. I still hadn't told my mom, which was killing me because she is the first person I wanted to run to when I found out, just for her to hold me and cry with me and tell me everything was going to work out. On the other hand I was putting it off because I new I would be a disappointment, I hated to disappoint my family, especially my parents. Nothing feels worse than that.

It was June 9th, I finally got the nerve up to tell my mom I was pregnant. It was 9 pm, my mom was in her room watching TV. I was standing outside her bedroom door..... hesitating, my hands were sweating bad, and my heart was racing. Finally I pushed the door open and I new I was going to tell her. The moment I sat on the bed, and looked at her, I could tell she new I was about to tell her something that she didn't want to hear. Then the words came out "Mom, I'm pregnant". I started crying. She didn't do anything, I could tell she wanted to cry too, but she held it in. I could tell she was very upset and I think she was more angry than anything. She didn't hug me or hold me and she didn't tell me that everything thing was going to be okay, like I had wished and hoped for her to do. That hurt the most. I left her bedroom in silence. It was the worst feeling in the world. The next day was Sunday June 10th. I decided to go to church. I am glad I did, my aunt Karen and cousin Jessica were there with me, that is the day I became a Christian! It was the best feeling in the world, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

About a week later my Aunt Karen told me of a place called "Special Delivery" ( specialdelivery.org) it is a Christian Ministry for women going through unplanned pregnancy. Of course I didn't want to go to this place...me in a home? Yeah right!!! I did agree to go meet with them though. My mom, aunt, cousin,and a friend of my aunts all went with me. It was a very big house in a really nice area, it felt very inviting. The meeting went very well, and the people were very nice. I got a tour of the house and met some of the other girls living there. I thought maybe it would be good for me. Almost immediately I decided to move in. I felt it was the right decision. My mom was the one who helped me move into my room. When my mom left me that day, it broke my heart, it felt exactly like she was leaving me on the first day of school. I cried and cried in my room that day. All I wanted was to be with my "mommy"!

After a couple weeks in the house I started to get nice and comfortable there. The ladies there were wonderful. I loved them so much. It gave me such peace to be around girls who were also pregnant and going through the same feelings and emotions and the same physical changes that I was. It was helpful and comforting to me! We also had support groups every Monday night,and those were very fun and I learned a lot, even girls from the outside who didn't live in the house, would come for support. This is where I first heard of "Open Adoption" I never new it existed! I had no idea that you could keep in contact with your baby after doing an adoption. The only thing I new of adoption was "Closed" adoption. I became VERY interested about it. I started attending the "adoption"support groups, to learn more and to hear other Birthmoms stories. I would hear "Open Adoption is a win,win situation." I liked the sound of that, but deep inside, I wanted to raise my baby on my own. I was still thinking that there was no way could I give away my flesh and blood. After telling all my family about Open Adoption, they all thought it was a wonderful Idea. My mom especially. This was very odd to me. I always thought that my family would say, "NO" we got to keep this baby in our family! It wasn't like that. It secretly made me very upset. Of course, I could never tell my family how I really felt.

In July I started looking at profiles of families looking to adopt. This was very hard for me, I cried before I even started looking at them. The VERY FIRST family I looked at, I fell in love with. Their names are Jani and Kelly. Their profile was amazing, it was more like a scrapbook than anything, and I was very impressed. I loved it, you can tell they put lots of time and effort in to it. Their profile was so bittersweet to read, it made me so happy, then sad at the thought that such a beautiful couple could not have children of their own. It made my heart ache. Their profile was not like the others that had their story on a single sheet of paper with a picture stapled to it, I could tell they put lots of love into it. Even though I still hoped to raise my child, I wanted to meet them. In August they drove out to the house to meet me. It went well! They were wonderful, Just what I expected them to be! They were young, Christian, came from good families they loved the outdoors and sports! After sitting and talking with them, I thought that any child would be lucky to have them as their parents! I just fell in love with them. After they left that day, I was sure I wanted them to raise my child, if I went through with the adoption.

Jani and Kelly would call me every so often and would send me cards, which was so wonderful, It made me feel like they actually cared about me. In October they came back to visit me around my birthday, they gave me a gift and took me out to dinner. It was a very nice visit. During this visit we talked about names. They asked me if I had any names picked out. I did not know the sex of my baby so I told them that my only wish was that if I had a girl, I wanted her to have my middle name, Renee. Jani, kind of froze, and said, well that is funny, because my middle name is also Renee. That was so neat to me. From that moment I new if I had a girl her middle name would be Renee! I was so excited about that.

My due date was January 4th. Well that came and went, still no baby. Finally I was induced on January 14th. I went to the hospital at 8 am. They induced me with Pitocene. My contractions started. Jeff was there with me along with my cousins: Sarah, Gina and Carlee. Jani and Kelly were at the hospital too. I saw them once when I was in labor. As the day past I wasn't dilating enough, around 6 pm my doctor told me that I would have to have a C-section. I was so upset, but I new it was the right thing to do. Rylee was born at 7:30 pm. She weighed 9 lb 7 oz and was 21 inches long. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! All I remember was holding her, and not wanting to let her go.

My family came soon after she was born. My mom gave Rylee, her very first bath. That was a very special moment because she had told me that her mom, my grandma (who past away almost exactly a year before Rylee was born) gave us our firsts baths. I new that was very important to her.

Jani and Kelly came into see me. With them they had a big wooden box. They had told me that Kelly had made the box and Jani painted it. It was very beautiful. On one of the sides it said, "keepsakes". They told me I could keep Rylee's hospital mementos in it and their future letters. Inside this box, was a whole bunch of neat little things. There was a little white box...I opened it and inside was a beautiful white gold necklace that had a pretty dove charm on it . Which of course means "peace". It was perfect. It's exactly what I needed. Peace. I wanted to put it on immediately...Jani helped me. It felt so nice, having them in the room with me. What I appreciated the most was that they paid more attention to me then to Rylee. That made me feel at ease, I didn't get the feeling that all they wanted was to take my baby and run.

The next days in the hospital were very hard. All I could think about was giving my baby away. Every time I thought about it, the time drew nearer. How I wished time would stop and I could spend eternity with my precious baby girl. Every single minute with her, made it harder for me to go through with the adoption. I still wasn't sure, In my heart I didn't want to do it, I never did. I wished someone would come in and tell me DON'T DO IT...but it had to be the right person...my mom, I don't know why...she was the only one that I wanted to hear it from! How I wished she would just say "Krissy you can't do it, we have to keep her"! I new she thought adoption was the right choice for me though.

While in the hospital my mom brought me a big huge box. Inside it was two identical beautiful blanket's she had made, I was a little confused. Then I saw the embroidery, it read "For a very special Mother and Baby, Lumps and bows are from Mother's first blanket Quilted as one and cut into two so each will have a warm cuddly reminder of a very special person". I have had a baby blanket all my life, that my mom made for me when I was a baby, (yes I still sleep with it) without me knowing my mom took some stuffing from my blanket and that became the lumps, the bows on the blanket are pieces of fabric from my baby blanket she had cut off to make into bows on the new blankets my mom made for Rylee and I. I started crying, I thought it was the sweetest blanket I had ever seen, made me feel so special. My mom is always good at that though.

January 16th, the day of the dedication was here, the day where I would give Rylee to her new parents. My mom was one of the first ones to arrive that day, she made Rylee a beautiful white satin gown with a matching bonnet. It was so beautiful. It was her Dedication Gown. My mom dressed her in it and it fit perfectly, she looked so beautiful. The time was nearing, almost time for the dedication. I was scared, nervous and sick to my stomach, it was so unreal to me. How could I really be going through this? How can I give up my baby. I am her mommy, she is suppose to be with me. I just couldn't think straight, but I new in my heart that it was the right thing to do.

My family started showing up, all of them. My parents, brother and sisters, my aunts and uncles and cousins. Jani and Kelly's family were there too. They were all standing around at the end of an empty hallway, right down from my hospital room. Everyone was standing around in a big circle. Nellie, she was the head of Special Delivery, was there and started speaking. To this day I have NO idea what she said. I cannot remember for the life of me, all I remember is holding my precious baby, as she slept in my arms, with her little hands folded so sweetly. She looked like an angel.

Then Jani, read their "Promise" to me. It was so beautiful, I remember it was a little tough for her to read and hearing lot's of sniffles in the room. She spoke promises of loving Rylee, raising her, instilling in Rylee the love that my family and I have for her, and their promise to stay in contact with my family and I. It was so beautiful. I am thankful she read it in front of my family, it was so healthy for them to hear, I think it put many of them at ease.

I remember after that Nellie asked me if I had anything I wanted to say................WHAT! How can you ask me such a thing, I thought to my self...what can I possible say!! I am about to give my baby away...what is there to say??? I couldn't say a word. At that moment I got really scared, it was almost time for me to place Rylee in the arms of her new parents...I just couldn't do it yet. I was standing in the middle of this big circle of family and the only thing I wanted to do was let each and everyone of my family members to say goodbye to my precious baby girl. So one by one, I passed Rylee along to each person in my family..so they could each hold her and kiss her and tell her goodbye in there own words. It was SO hard...when she got to my mom...I prayed that my mom would look up at me and say "NO we can't do this, we have to keep her". She didn't. I new right then, that I would go through with the adoption. My heart was broken.

I don't remember much after that. I remember after my family all got to hold her and say goodbye...I was suddenly holding her again. Tears were flowing down my cheeks and my eyes were burning from the tears, I remember just kissing her and wishing I could wake up from this horrible "dream" . The moment came when I was suppose to place Rylee in the arms of her new "mommy and daddy". It was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do. I was giving my child away, she would no longer be mine. At that moment, when I placed her into Kelly's arms, her new daddy, in my heart I was no longer her "Mommy", I became her "Birthmother". The pain was to much to bare. It was such an odd feeling.....I felt like I was completing their puzzle by finding that last puzzle piece, while at the same time I was taking another piece away from my already incomplete puzzle.

The rest of the time in the hospital was a blur, most of my family was gone. I was packing up to leave. When leaving the hospital, the ride in the wheel chair was the worst. I had no beautiful baby in my arms, just flowers and gifts, no smile on my face, just tear stained cheeks. It was the worst feeling in the world. Leaving the hospital with empty arms.

To recover from my C-section Jeff and I stayed at my Grandpas house. That night was the hardest night for me. Jeff my boyfriend at the time (he is now my husband) even though he was not the Birthfather, he fell in love with Rylee in the hospital, he held her, fed her, changed her and would bring her to me when she would cry. It was the sweetest thing to watch. She defiantly grew on him.

That night, the first night out of the hospital, the first night without my daughter, was the worst. I cried and cried, Jeff cried too and that made it even worse. It was so hard. Through his tears he kept telling me that we still had until tomorrow ( I had 72 hours to make my decision) he said that we could leave right now and go to the hospital to get her. I started crying harder, I wanted to with all my heart I almost got excited... yes, I could go get her, it hasn't been 72 hours yet. I new I could, but I couldn't, Jeff and I were not married, we both didn't have a job, we had no where to live, we just had nothing to provide for her. After realizing this, he just held me tight all night and we both cried.

Things turned around so quickly. Jeff got a good job just 4 weeks after Rylee was born. He got an apartment, and we got married about a month after that. This was very difficult for me. If these things could have happened just 2 months earlier, I could have kept my daughter. I tried so hard not to think of it. After we got married, I moved in to the apartment with Jeff. We now lived 3 hours away from family and friends and my support system at Special Delivery. It was a very tough time for me. I went into a deep depression, I would cry everyday, and that lasted for a few months, then finally we got a computer and I was able to find some good support groups on-line, which really started to help me. Just talking to other Birthmoms and reading poems helped me through my grieving.

The first time I got to see Rylee after the birth was in July, six months later. It went so well. They were on a camp retreat just 8 miles away from me. My sisters came up to stay with me, and we all got to visit with Rylee, Jani and Kelly. It was a wonderful visit. When we first got there, Rylee was taking a nap. So we got to talk with Jani and Kelly and their family. It was nice. I can say I did very well, the only hard part is when Rylee woke up from her nap and Jani was carrying her out to see me. I almost lost it. The last time I had seen her, she was this little tiny infant. She was now a big healthy 6th month old girl. Jani placed her straight into my arms. Oh how wonderful that felt. She was back in my arms again. Even though this time I was no longer her "Mommy", I didn't matter. She felt so good in my arms and I didn't want to let go.

The day went well, we got to take her on walks and my sisters played with her. We even played some softball with the family. It was a blast. Seeing Jani, Kelly and their family with Rylee, made my heart at ease. They love her so much, and they are so wonderful with her. I new in my heart that I had made the right decision.

Now it's 4 years later and things are still going strong. They feel just like family to me and my whole family. I see Rylee every few months, which is good for us. Now that she is older I am able to talk to her on the phone a little more, hearing that sweet little voice on the other end of the line brings joy to my heart. Little by little she is starting to understand where she came from. Just the other day Jani e-mail me and told me that while she was on the phone the other day, Rylee piped up and said, "Mom, tell her that my Birthmommy Krissy gave me to you and she loves me." Hearing things like that reassures me more and more that I made the right decision.

Yes, sometimes it still hurts. If things would have been different she would be here with me right now and I would be her "Mommy". Thinking about the "what if's" could drive a person crazy, so I try not to think about them. I know in my heart that God wanted the best for Rylee, and I know he blessed her with it. She not only has ONE wonderful family that loves her, she has TWO.....now how many little girls can say that!!

Photos

The blanket that Krissy's Mom made for her and Rylee.

Rylee in her dedication gown. Krissy's Mom made her dedication gown.

Last Kiss as Rylee's Mommy

Krissy and Jeff on dedication day

Rylee and Krissy, 2002

Rylee, Jani, and Kelly ~ A Beautiful Family

Rylee Renee

Krissy with her children, Jason and Kaylee

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