Krista's Page

About Krista:
Krista, 24 years old, resides in Canada and has just finished her Masters degree in psychology. She enjoys playing basketball and shooting pool.  She is the birth mom to a bouncing baby boy, Shae, who was placed in an open adoption. Below is her story, in her own words, written for the agency she placed Shae through in order to educate other birthmoms about adoption.

Krista's Story

If you asked me a year and a half ago what open adoption was, I don’t think I’d be able to tell you. If you asked me today, I’m not sure where to begin. My journey into the adoption world began early last year when I found out that I was pregnant. Being strongly against abortion, but not yet ready to parent a child, adoption immediately popped into my head. Still in school, without a job, and without a place to live with my baby, I knew I wasn’t stable enough in my life to raise a child. Adoption would allow my child to have all these things I could not offer him at this time. I went online in search of an adoption agency in my area and the Jewels for Jesus website caught my attention. I picked up the phone, called them, and within a couple days was sitting in their office talking to an adoption worker. I had so many questions – how does the whole process work? How will the adoptive parents be chosen? Will I get a say in who adopts my baby? The adoption worker was able to answer all my questions and provide me with the information necessary to make an informed decision. I was given the chance to weigh the pros and cons of both adoption and parenting, all along being reminded that I could change my decision at any time. Meeting with my adoption worker and going through the exercises she provided, confirmed my initial thoughts – placing my baby for adoption was in his and my best interests.

I remember thinking early on how great it would be to have a child ‘out there’ somewhere that one day down the road I would be able to reunite with. These thoughts continued for a few months and in that time I never once second-guessed my decision. I knew adoption was what I wanted and no one could tell me anything different. Then it happened – I felt him kick inside me. I had been eagerly awaiting his first movements, and when it happened, everything changed. How could I give away this baby that has grown inside me? How could I love and nurture this child for the first nine months and then miss out on the rest of his life? It was around this time that I decided that having a child ‘out there’ somewhere was not good enough. I wanted to know how he was doing and that he was being well cared for. I wanted to see the baby that I nurtured and birthed grow into a child, an adolescent, an adult. I went online to research adoption and quickly came across many women who had placed their children for adoption in the past. A lot of the stories I heard from these women were quite negative – stories of birthmothers who had spent years grieving the child they never knew, unsuccessful searches for their birthchildren, and stories of adopted children who lived a lie all their lives, never being told that they were adopted. I knew there had to be a better way and that is when I found it – open adoption.

Open adoption is an arrangement where birthparents and adoptive parents maintain contact with one another. There is a wide range of openness that exists, ranging from the yearly exchange of letters and pictures exchanged through a mediator, to direct contact including visits. When I read about these possibilities, I knew immediately it was something I wanted for myself and my child. With this in mind, I was eager to choose my child’s adoptive parents. I was able to prepare a list of qualities that I wanted in potential adoptive parents and was then presented with profiles that met these criteria. Most importantly for me, I wanted to find parents that were educated on the benefits of open adoption and wanted the same level of contact that I did. I had heard too many horror stories about adoptive parents agreeing to some level of contact, only to completely break their promises a few weeks or months later. I wanted to find a couple that would agree to an open adoption, not because they thought it was what I wanted to hear, but because they truly believed that it was in the best interests of everyone involved – especially the child.

With those criteria in mind, I began looking at the profiles of prospective parents. One profile stood out immediately. There seemed to be a lot of similarities between the potential adoptive couple and I - they had everything I was looking for. They already had an open adoption with their first child and were looking for contact with the birthmother of the next child they were to adopt. I knew these were the people that were meant to raise my baby. We met a few times throughout the last months of my pregnancy. I was so nervous before the first meeting, it was such a surreal experience meeting the parents-to-be of your unborn child. I was immediately put at ease when we began talking and sharing information about our lives. I was able to ask them questions about their adoption experience with their first child and we talked about what level of openness we would all be comfortable with. Getting to know them those last few months of my pregnancy reassured me that I was doing the right thing. When the time came, I would be placing my baby not with strangers, but in the arms of a couple that I had grown to respect and admire.

On August 31, 2002 my beautiful son, Shae Alexander was born. For the three days that we stayed in hospital, I was able to hold, change, and feed him, cherishing every moment we could spend together. Saying goodbye to him at the hospital was the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life. Some of this pain, however, was lessened because I wasn’t really saying ‘goodbye’, it was more like ‘see you later’. It is now six months after I placed my son for adoption and I have seen him three times. I also receive pictures of him and his family and correspond regularly with his parents through email. I couldn’t have asked for better parents to raise my son, and I truly appreciate their willingness to have me in his life. While open adoption does not change the fact that I am not his ‘mommy’, it allows me the opportunity to see him develop and one day hopefully know me for who I am, his birthmother.

Photos

Tender moments, Krista and Shae
in the hospital, Aug 31, 2002

Shae, 3 months old

Krista and Shae at the park

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