Hi! My name is Kristin and I am 18 years old and a birth mother of a two year old boy. I hope this story will inspire and help girls who have no clue what to do. I know how hard it is and I cry over this almost everyday, but it’s something that I don’t regret or am ashamed of. I love my baby and this is the way I showed it.

I met the birth father at a haunted house I was volunteering at in 2005. We flirted a lot but almost a month had passed and he didn’t ask me out. I know I was only 15 and he was about to turn 18 and not to mention we went to different high schools, but I really liked him. Then on Halloween night after we closed up the haunt, he came up to me with roses and asked me to his homecoming. A week later at the dance he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so smitten at this point I practically screamed yes. We ended up getting really serious after about 11 months in and we decided that since we were both “in love” that we should have sex. Three months after that he got an apartment which I basically lived at when my mom was okay with it.

It was March 2nd, 2007 and I knew there was something wrong with my body. I felt sick, tired, and cranky 24/7. I told my boyfriend and he said I should go to the free clinic on Wednesday morning. He had to work so I had to take the bus and go alone. I was so nervous when I was filling out the paper work my hand was shaking. Pregnancy did cross my mind once or twice but were almost immediately dismissed with doubt. I mean, I thought we were really careful and never made stupid mistakes like not use a condom. Boy, little did I know what was about to unfold.

The whole 2 hour wait to hear my name called I was fidgeting in my chair, reading people magazine with my stomach in knots. I was so distracted that my name was actually called twice by the nurse before I heard it. I took a seat on the uncomfortable padded table and waited another hour for the doctor to show up. I was cold and all over the walls were posters of “planned pregnancy help” and “quit tobacco hot-lines.” I felt like I could throw up… Then I ran to the small trash can across the room and did throw up. Conveniently that’s exactly when the doctor stepped in. Embarrassed I sat back down on the padded table. “So, I looked over your charts and I honestly think your pregnant!” I couldn’t believe what just came out of the doctors mouth. My stomach went into tighter knots and all my feelings of crying and hysterics began to build up and sit in the back of my throat like a huge lump. “Are you serious or joking?” the doctors smile went away and then he said “No Kristin, I am serious and this is defiantly not a joke. If you’d like we can do a pregnancy test but I can tell you now just looking at the information you put here it looks like the classic signs of pregnancy… sorry.” He said sorry like he really cared. But I felt like all he could see was another stupid pregnant teenage girl so I left.

I didn’t tell the birth father when I got home that afternoon, or the whole next week after that. How could I tell him? What would I say? How can I explain anything if I didn’t even know anything? Two weeks past and I knew I had to tell him at this point. So while he was at work I made him dinner, set the table, then sat down and waited. When I told him he was silent for about 10 of the longest minutes of my life. I don’t want to explain the whole conversation we had but it had a lot of yelling and him saying “abortion” over and over.

I stayed at my mom’s for about a week before I gave her the news. Right then she kicked me out and now I was pregnant and alone. That night I told the birth father I was defiantly not going to get an abortion while I was at a friends house. He then said I was “ruining his life” and “he didn’t want anything to do with it.”

I wasn’t talking to my boyfriend and my mom so I continued staying with different friends over a period of 2 months. Between that time I found out I was about 4 months pregnant when I told the birth father, so at this time I was 6 months along and now started to show. I wanted to see if he still felt the way he did when he first found out so I stopped by his house but when I got there his roommates said he moved. So I took the bus to his mom’s house and she told me he left to Kansas to live with his aunt and there was nothing she could do. I couldn‘t believe he left me like this.

Another two months went by with no word from the birth father. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, or who to talk to. I wasn’t getting prenatal care because I didn’t have insurance, so I surfed the net to see what to do and what not to do. Another month past and still no word from him, I talked to his mother a few times but getting any information like a number was pointless. I ended up staying at my half-sisters, step-mom’s, mother’s house… I know confusing! But she said I could stay there while I was trying to figure things out.

During the day of August 25th I felt pains down my back and in my lower abdomen. I didn’t think anything of it because I didn’t know what labor was. Around 5:00am August 26th I took the bus to the hospital. The pains were so extreme it was almost unbearable to walk up to the emergency room. I went to the desk and almost yelled “I THINK I’M IN LABOR!” The nurse immediately wheeled me down to the birthing center. The doctor examined me and said I was about 91/2 centimeters and I was going to have to start pushing. It was all so sudden and I started crying and said “I can’t do this, please don’t make me do this.” The doctor then said “I know your scared, but you need to push!” So alone with four people I didn’t know, two nurses and two doctors I had to deliver this baby.

I pushed for 20 minutes and at 6:00am on the dot my baby boy was born. I heard him screaming and I turned my head then saw the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. They cleaned him up and put him in my arms. 38 weeks of waiting, 11 hours of contractions, 20 minutes of natural vaginal pushing, all lead to a 9 pound 8 ounce baby boy. And I was a 16 year old single mom with no where to go and no one to help.

I feel asleep with him in my arms and woke up around 10am to a social worker. She told me he was healthy and nothing was wrong she just wondered if I wanted to see some adoption clinicians from agencies. I thought about adoption on and off the last few months of my pregnancy. But now with a life I was in charge of besides my own I needed to do something better for him. Something a lot better then what I ever grew up with.

I met a girl named Jenny and I don’t know why but it was awkward and I didn’t feel comfortable. Then after I thought I would never feel right about this Karen knocked at my door. She was energetic, kind, and explained everything with understanding and sincerity. After talking with her I knew I was doing the right thing. In the hospital Karen stayed with me and we went over adoption books. I picked the most perfect family for my boy, I knew I did when I read they’re personal letter to the future birth mom.

The adoption was on hold for three days after I got out of the hospital because we had to wait to hear from the Indian reservation. I met Katie and John the adoptive parents in the parking lot of the agency (by accident.) I asked to be alone with the baby for a awhile. When they left the room I cried for the first time since the Birth Father left me. I called his mom in the hospital and told her it was a boy and I was going to give him up for adoption. But I hadn’t heard from her since then.
When I was in the room alone with the baby my when cell phone rang with a weird number. I knew it was the father so I answered in tears “We made a beautiful baby boy, and he looks like you.” There was no voice for a few moments and then he said “I don’t care… I don’t want anything to do with it or you. I don’t want to know about the adoption or be involved… Don’t contact me.” Then he hung up.
 

John and Katie are the most wonderful caring people I have ever met. They are the best parents for Ethan and love him more then anyone could ever imagine. We have an open adoption and Katie e-mails me new pictures and tells me how everything is going. We meet three to four times a year, including a visit on Ethan's birthday each year. I thank God fate brought us together in this unconventional way. I love them so much and can’t express how thankful I am they took on the responsibility I couldn’t.

It’s been almost 2 years now and I have been battling with depression. I think I will always second guess my decision but it was a big one to make. I don’t regret anything, not even being with the birth father. I ended up running into him at the mall last month. He came up to me and said “Sorry” I was so enraged at how he left me alone, scared, homeless, and pregnant that I slapped him across the face and said “Your not sorry, your just a stupid boy who couldn‘t be a man for me.” I left right after that with the feeling of closure and happiness that I never thought could happen.
 

All I can do now is be here for Ethan and help him understand that what I did was for us. I needed to grow up and he needed a better life then what I could give him. Now he has a mom and a dad that can take care of his every need. I love them and I know no matter where life takes us our bond will always be strong. I didn’t give up my baby, I gave him something better.