Lin's Showcase Page

I am 27 years old and live in Colorado. I have been here a little over five years. I am originally from upstate New York. I am married to a wonderful and understanding man, Nate. I have 2 girls, who are 3 and 1. Besides enjoying my kids, I love to be outdoors enjoying the Rocky Mountains!

I am very active in the adoption community and hope to one day have my own business where I can give honest help to women in need of help.

    I was the last of six born to a Irish catholic couple. Through my years I was the typical kid. Average student, sports, played with friends and of course, got into trouble here and there.
   When I got into high school I again did the normal things. I hung with the “in” crowd, went to parties and so forth. I loved the party life so much that that is all I liked to do. That is when my parents and I started not to get along so well. After a late night out with my friends my dad and I really got into it when I got home. I moved out that night into my friends apartment. I stayed there for awhile. After I got my own place I started dating this guy. It was going well for awhile. I decided to move in with him and his mom into there apartment. It at the time made no sense for me to pay rent at my place but never be there. My parents just loved that news when I told them where I was living. They despised my boyfriend from the beginning because he was part Puerto Rican. I guess I started to date him just to get my parents mad. It worked. After living with the boyfriend for awhile his mom moved out to get back together with his dad. So we had the place and the rent to ourselves. I was working as a nurse and a waitress part time. It was good money. But not to much later my bf had lost his job. And it seemed like he liked his new job as a tester for the La-Z-Boy. I hated it.
   A couple weeks after that I woke up one morning to go to work. I had this really weird feeling. So I went and got a pregnancy test. And sure enough it was positive. When I told my boyfriend he was happy. I still was in shock. He told his parents and they were not mad at all. Why shouldn’t they be. His sister already had 2 kids out of wedlock. My parents on the other hand are a different story. I had invited my mom over for dinner a few nights later. As I was doing the dishes after we ate she had asked me straight out if I was pregnant. It must have been mothers intuition. When I told her yes I don’t think she could have left any quicker. I felt terrible. I had let my parents down…again.
   We didn’t talk for over a week. My mom had told my dad. I wasn’t there for it. But he was just as disappointed. A couple weeks had gone by and my sister was flying in for the holidays. She had come over to talk. I wasn’t looking forward to her “talk” at all. I was always getting stuff dished to me from my older siblings. I wasn’t really in the mood for this one especially. When she got to my place we started talking. She had offered to have me fly out to Colorado and stay with her and give my child up for adoption. It was a chance to have what she called a “do over”. I was so mad at even thinking of that notion that she left my house. My boyfriend was not there when she was over to talk to me.
After a few days went by, I couldn’t stop thinking about my sisters offer. I was starting to really weigh the pros and the cons of being a parent at that time in my life. As I thought about it more it did start to make sense. So I decided to do some research on adoption. I remember thinking to myself, “wow this is a bigger deal than I thought”. My boyfriend and I were not getting along very well anymore. He still was unemployed and I was getting tired of carrying him. I had to think about what I was going to do. After some hard thinking and talking with others whose opinions I trusted, I decided to take my sisters offer up. I knew that I couldn’t tell mike what I was doing. Basically because his family, especially his mother, did not always have the lights on upstairs if you know what I mean. She was a little crazy. When I told my boyfriend that I was moving home to save money for the baby he went nuts. I had to work later that day and his mom came down and made a huge scene at the restaurant I worked at. My bosses didn’t even know I was leaving or pregnant.
   So I packed and moved home for a couple days until l left for Colorado. I was so scared I had no idea what was in store for me. I arrived in Colorado a few days later. I remember me just staring at the mountains. After I had settled in at my sisters we had made an appointment with a social worker through Catholic Charities. Within a week later I was in a restaurant with my sister sitting across from a social worker named Meg. We had talked for a while just to get to know one another. She seemed alright. I cried a lot. She had given me a bunch of papers to fill out asking things like what do I want in the adoptive parents? What religion? That kind of thing. When we met again I had given her the papers that I had filled out. She and I talked about my situation some more. She had told me the process for terminating my ex boyfriends rights and serving him with the papers. By now a couple months had gone by and not one call to my parents house to see me or talk to me. Because that is where he thought I was. No one knew I had left except my parents and siblings. I had basically dropped off the face of the earth.
   Then I had received a packet of 5 or 6 biographies of couples wanting to adopt. I knew exactly what I was looking for in a couple. I was very picky. It might sound weird but when I had read the bio of this couple I knew they were the ones to raise my child. They had everything I wanted for my child. I wanted a couple that could give her all the emotional, spiritual support and all the love in the world. I wanted a stay at home parent. Didn’t matter if it was mom or dad. So my social worker had arranged a meeting between the possible couple, my sister, social worker and myself. It was so nerve wrecking. I had pretty much had given them the third degree. They asked me a bunch of questions to. After awhile we were real comfortable with one another. I left the restaurant that day knowing that these people were the ones to raise my child. As the months passed I got bigger. Not to big though. I was liking that. My social worker called to tell me that my ex boyfriend was served with the termination papers. Now we had to wait 30 days to see if he was going to contest the adoption. Those were the longest 30 days of my life. The agony of not knowing what was going to happen was horrible. At the end of the 30 days we didn’t hear a word from him or his mother. I was so surprised. I was a little mad too that he didn’t care enough about our child to fight for her. But it was for the best. So we had him out of the way. Now it was on to the toughest of all. Actually signing the papers. A month or so went by and before you knew it, it was September. I was two weeks overdue went I went into labor. Twenty four hours of intense labor. My social worker had called the adoptive parents to let them know that I was in labor. They had about a 3 hour ride to where I lived in Colorado. At 9:36 p.m. I gave birth to my daughter which I named Sarah Elizabeth. She was the spitting image of me from head to toe. I loved her. I remember the nurses telling me that they didn’t recommend me holding her. I told them to mind there business and give me my child. That whole night and next day I held her and fed her. I got to bathe her too. I wanted and needed to do this for me. I wanted to bond with her as much as I can while I was in the hospital. Sarah’s parents came up the next day to see there daughter and me of course. They had tears in the eyes from the second they walked in. I remember thinking “is this for real?”. It was very real. We hugged and cried. I think all I did was cry. I was there for 3 days and when the aparents were not there I spent every minute with Sarah. I loved her from the beginning.
   The last day came and I was not looking forward to that. My social worker came up with the relinquishment papers for me to sign. I couldn’t stop crying long enough for me to sign my name. I remember a tear drop fell on the L in my name and smeared it. I signed my rights away. I gave Sarah the biggest hug and tons of kisses. Before the parents came up I talked to Sarah for a long time and told her how much I loved her and that I hope she will forgive me for what I did. I did it for her. Leaving that hospital without my daughter was and always will be the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. I felt so empty inside.
   A little over 4 years later, I am married and have 2 more girls of my own. I have a great relationship with my daughter and her parents. I have got to see her every year since she was born and sometimes even twice a year. I cherish every moment I get with her.