|
Meet
Lisa:
Lisa's
Story: This is a very hard story for me to tell but it is something I need to do to obtain some closure. It all started the summer I was 16. I had run away to California with my best friend and boyfriend. We were using a lot of drugs and drinking all of the time. I was not being safe at all when it came to sex. A week after I was in California the police came to my boyfriend’s mom’s house and told me that they were there to arrest me. I told them to let me call my dad to ask if I could stay since I was a minor and a runaway. He could give them permission. He had agreed to let me stay since he knew I would just run away again. Another week passed and my boyfriend’s mother said that we would have to go back home or find somewhere else to stay. I called my mom and dad. My mother told me that I got to California and I needed to find my way back. My dad was gracious enough to come and get my best friend and me. A week after I got back my boyfriend came back from California so I ran away again, this time to my best friend’s house. She let my boyfriend and I both stay there. About a month after being there I decided that I really just wanted to be home with my family. I called my dad and he said that he would talk to my mom about me moving back in. She agreed under the condition that if I ran away again I was not welcome back. A week later I was making dinner and all of a sudden felt sick. I went to the bathroom and got sick. (I felt better right after so I knew there was something up). My best friend came over that night and we went to the store. I didn’t tell her what I was buying. I bought a pregnancy test and hid it. We got back to the house and I went to the bathroom, took the test, and went outside to smoke with her. About five minutes had passed and I told her to come with me. I opened up the medicine cabinet and immediately got sick. I could not believe that I was pregnant. We sat down and started doing the math. I realized that I had not had a period in 3 ½ months. What was I going to do? I told my dad and he called my mom (She was out of town on business). She wouldn’t talk to me, she told my dad we would deal with it when she got home. My mother had told me that if I kept the baby she would have no part of the babies’ life or mine. At that time I was already 3 1/2 months pregnant and I am pro-choice but abortion wasn’t for me. When I told the guy I was with that I was pregnant he left to California to go live with his mom. He would not take my calls and his mother was making me feel like it was my entire fault. My mother’s friends had adopted a baby from Gladney and that is how I heard of them. We toured Gladney in June and I moved in July 96. At Gladney I made a lot of really good friends. It felt really good knowing that I was not the only person going through this. Due to my length of time I spent there I watched a lot of girls place before I did. I thought that it would be easier since I had watched them do it. Little did I know what I was in for. I found out I was having a daughter while at Gladney. I had several roommates while I was there but Tracy was the best. She was girl that was really into sports and other outdoor things (not a girlie girl which I thought was awesome since I’m not either). She was to have a girl also. I got profiles when I was about 7 months. Due to all of the drugs I had used (not knowing I was pregnant) I did not have that many profiles to choose from. When they handed me Bruce and Nadine’s profile, I told my caseworker that this was the couple; she said “You haven’t even looked inside yet dear”. I told her I just know though. I liked the fact that they already had an adopted son. She would have a big brother. I also like that they had been married for many years. I bonded quickly with my AP’s and I thought that they were a great choice. I also thought they would honor their agreement. The rest of my pregnancy went quickly. When I was 37 weeks I thought my water broke. They took me to the hospital it wasn’t my water but since the baby was so large they decided to induce my labor anyway. I was miserable after 10 hours of not dilating. They kept coming in trying to turn my daughter. She was face up in the birth canal. After 12 hours they decided to do a c-section. My mom had just gotten there from the airport when they were taking me into surgery. Sabrina was born at 1:55 am. She weighed 8lbs 15oz 21inches long. My AP’s had come to the hospital to hang out for a little while. I made them leave so I could have my time. I was in the hospital for 3 days. I spent every waking second with my daughter. I studied every part of her face (to remember later). The day of signing I was in so much physical pain (you can’t take any narcotics before signing). It was a blur and all I remember is crying all day. I got my daughter the next morning knowing that afternoon she would be going home with her family. We took her into the chapel at Gladney and prayed over her. It was surreal. That day flew by when all I wanted time to do was, stop. For placement we went into a room. I was so sad I could not look at Bruce and Nadine, I knew that I chose this for my daughter but it did not make it easier (to me they were taking my baby girl). I kissed Sabrina, put her in Nadine arms, walked out and hit my knees and began to scream, why, why me? My mother’s flight left 2 hours after placement and I remember feeling so alone and empty. I cried for days and days, then one morning I didn’t cry anymore. I was at peace with my decision. I knew that my child was put on this earth to bless and complete a family and to teach me unconditional love and understanding. After my daughter turned 2 they stopped sending pictures completely. It crushed me. I have written them several letters just asking for even 1 picture and they won’t send any. As times goes on I know that they have done this because they think I should be over it by now, but I gave them my daughter and have only asked for pictures in return. I harbor no ill feelings towards them, I just wish they understood how it feels to live each day without knowing what your flesh and blood looks like. I hope and pray when she is 18 she will look for me. I met my ex husband after I got back from Gladney and had my twin girls (now 9 Adriana and Madeline). It was a very rocky marriage and it only lasted 3 months after we got married. I got back together with my high school sweetheart and ended up pregnant again with my daughter Kylee (now 7). We were together for 5 years before we decided that living together was not good for any of the kids. We continued to sleep together and still hang out. That would change dramatically. One night I went out with my co-workers and my boss. We had a lot to drink and I couldn’t drive. My boss said that he would drive me home. When we got there he came in and we had sex. He stayed the night and we never spoke of it at work again until a month later. I wasn’t even late yet but I suspected that I was pregnant. The test came up positive right away. I was so scared and so sick to my stomach. Derek (Kylee’s dad) dropped her off like 5 minutes later. I told him and he walked away. I didn’t even have to tell him that it may have been somebody else’s baby, he knew.
I called Craig (my old boss) He said he had a vasectomy and there was no way it was his. I told him that I wanted a copy of his paperwork showing that. He agreed and we hung up. A week went by and he still had not brought the paperwork by and I had not been to work. I called work and found out that he had quit. I called his house phone and his cell phone and both were disconnected. I knew then that he had not had a vasectomy though I was hopeful that is was Derek’s anyway since there was such a short time in between being with both of them. I made my decision then that regardless I would parent. When I was 20 weeks I found out that an amnio could be done to determine paternity. It was $1700.00 so I asked Derek if he would pay for it. He said he would. It was the worst 14 days off my life waiting for the results. I got the results when I started at my new job. I looked at the results, and then the trash can, then the results, and then got sick. It wasn’t Derek’s. I had to make the hardest call of my life that day. I had to tell Derek that the son I was carrying was not his. At that point I decided that I could not raise my son without a father and no support system. I called Gladney and told them to send me a packet, I knew that I would ultimately place him but I wasn’t ready to commit to it yet. I had bought everything for Jake, a crib and all of the necessary things for an infant. Next problem, I had to find Craig. I started on the internet. I knew about how old he was and his last name. I paid for search-systems to find information on him. I found his mom and dad’s phone # and address. I drove over there and no one answered the door. I didn’t have my cell phone on me so I went to a pay phone up the road. His dad answered I told him the situation and he said there was no way that was his son. I knew that he was just trying to cover up for him so a couple days later I had my friend call. His mother answered my friend told his mother the same thing that I told his dad. She also told her that all I wanted when the time came was for him to sign away his rights. She said that she would talk to him and get in touch with my friend but she didn’t want to talk to me. I called Gladney the following Monday and talked to a caseworker she told me to fill out the paperwork so we could get the process started. After speaking to the lawyers from Gladney I was told that if he didn’t sign the papers they would have to put Jake in foster care (through Glandey) for thirty days if Craig didn’t sign so his rights would be relinquished. I told them that was not going to happen and if it came down to that I would parent Jake. In the mean time Craig’s dad got an attorney for Craig. The attorney told Gladney that he would not sign away his rights until I did. I told Gladneys attorneys to tell him that if he wanted to play hard ball I would parent and he could pay child support instead. They told me they would talk to his attorney and get back to me. I decided that I would start looking at families anyway, knowing that he wasn’t brave enough to parent. (He has a 14 year old daughter he doesn’t even take care of). I picked 2 profiles out Eric and Sharon then another couple. And liked one much more than the other. I didn’t tell anyone which one I liked more. Everyone that looked at the profiles and loved the one I had picked. I called Eric and Sharon first and fell in love with them, they were awesome. I felt like I knew them forever. After talking to them I called the other couple but we didn’t click at all. I called my caseworker and told them that I didn’t want to sleep on it I knew it would be Eric and Sharon. She told me she would call their caseworker but I couldn’t wait. I called them to tell them I chose them. They were so excited they were screaming and crying. When I was 36 weeks I decided I would call Craig’s dad to give them a little push in the signing direction. He told me that I was not to contact them and he would be calling his attorney to tell Gladney that he didn’t want me calling. He also said if I called again he would call the police and get me for harassment. Sharon came out to Arizona on business and we decided to meet then. She was a wonderful woman and I couldn’t think of anyone to be a better mother to Jake than her. Because I had a c-section with Sabrina (my first daughter) I elected for another c-section (though the twins and Kylee were vaginal). Because I was due 10 days before Christmas I wanted to do it as far away from that day as possible. It was set I would have Jake December 1st, 2005. My caseworker came down the day before delivery and met with Craig and his attorney to sign. That worked out well. My roommate was in the delivery room with me. Jake was born at 7:52 am he weighed 6lbs 13oz 17inches long. He was so handsome. I was so proud. Eric and Sharon were very respectful they didn’t come to the hospital. In fact they waited until Jake was 3 days old to meet him. We all met for breakfast. Afterwards they came back to the hotel that we were staying at and hung out for a bit. The next morning was signing. They came to the hotel and stayed while I went to the lobby and signed. That was very hard for me I actually got up halfway through signing and walked outside. I was telling myself that I couldn’t do it. Then something in me told me to go finish signing the papers. I went in and told everyone to hand me the papers fast so we could finish quickly. When I went back upstairs Eric and Sharon decided that it would be best if they left. We agreed that the morning of their signing they would come here. I would watch Jake while they all went downstairs to sign and then we would do placement. That morning went by so fast. When they came upstairs, I kissed Jake, told him I loved him, and put him in his car seat. My caseworker and I left the hotel before they did. Because it was an interstate adoption they had to stay until that went through. They agreed to meet my mother and me at Starbucks for about an hour 2 days after placement. Then the night before they left I got a call saying if I wanted to I could say my final goodbye at Cracker Barrel over breakfast. I agreed. That morning was so hard because Jake had clogged tear ducts and his eye were swollen shut. I about had a fit but when I said something about it she told me they had already called a pediatrician here and they were going to see him right after breakfast. A sigh of relief came over me and I remembered all over again why I chose them. We said our goodbyes and I don’t remember much of the drive home but I made it. Christmas came and I wanted it to go away sooooo badly. My girls got me through it. Wow I didn’t want to burden them with their brothers placement but they said and did the right things at just the right times. Jake just turned 2 and they have followed through with our post adoption agreement up until now and have promised me that they will not falter on it. They are fully aware of what Bruce and Nadine have done. Since my placement I have met a wonderful man who is so good with my children. We are planning on getting married in October 08. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him and my children by my side. He wants a child but says that it is up to me. I never thought that there was a man that would accept my children and I. Now that I have I will never let him go. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to be a birthmother but then I remember what an honor it is to have been chosen for this role. I love all of my children dearly and hope one day we will all be together again. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
|
