Though I was raised in church my entire life...and taught right from wrong and knew that for every action there is a consequence, I rebelled against all I knew.   I was young and wanted to get out there and live it up for a while. And I did...for 3 whole months.

    That's where I met Brent, out there living it up.  You've heard the old saying, "it just happened." Well that's what happened.  That's all.  One time. And from that I ended up pregnant.  Suddenly, my world was jerked out from under my feet and I hit the world of reality hard and fast.  Not only did I lose my self respect, but all my "friends" disappeared into the night.

    I didn't tell my mom...I didn't get the chance...my aunt called to see how she was taking the news but I had yet to tell her. She was waiting on the front porch.  I remember her not yelling at me, only talking softly and saying that together we would work this out. I think she might have been in shock.  My dad on the other hand simply didn't talk for 2 weeks.  Then one day just acted like nothing had ever happened. They were beside me through it all.  I could not have had a better support group. 

    I did a lot of thinking and praying about what to do during the first 2 months of my pregnancy.   Of course what else is there to do when you're so sick you can't get out of bed?!  Brent wanted nothing to do with me or the pregnancy, so he joined the army and told no one where he was stationed.  Typical.

     I was not allowed to even consider abortion (which wasn't) but the more I thought about it, the more I knew I wanted to choose adoption.  Now, my only choice was to where would I go?  Would I stay at home?  Would I go stay somewhere?   I wanted out of that town. So we looked and called and searched until I found The Gladney Center here in Texas.  I still needed and wanted to be close to my family.  So, I moved to Fort Worth.  I was almost 3 months pregnant when I arrived there on October 20, 1992 . 

        First the first time, I met others who were in the same situation I was in and I wasn't going to be judged.  Each of us was facing the same life changing decisions and we were able to lean on each other during the hard times.  I worked on getting my GED while I was there (having gone to private Christian schools for so long getting my GED was easier for me than going to public school).  I also worked for and earned my CNA license.

    We had to go through many difficult procedures in order to find the father.  Since he had gone into the army and didn't tell me, it was hard to find him...all papers sent to him were returned by the family... UNSIGNED of course. So, the legal team sent those papers straight to the army and within 2 weeks they were sent back signed sealed and notarized.  That army doesn't mess around!

    The doctors were sure that I was having a girl. (And you know, they're never wrong! )  My mom asked if she could pick out her name and name her first granddaughter... She named her Kaydawn Marie.  (Kay is my mom's middle name, Dawn is my middle name and Marie is my  grandmothers middle name.)  I knew that the adoptive parents wouldn't keep it but we wanted something special for her...

    When I had less than 8 weeks left in my pregnancy, I started to look for adoptive parents for my little girl...I was able to choose things like the religion I wanted and other things I wanted the parents to have.  They found 3 for me to choose from and all had pictures with their letters but one fell on the floor and I KNEW they were the ones I wanted but I couldn't just choose them.  I wasn't able to see the pictures until after I had chosen... I read all the letters and asked if I could think about it... Later, after much prayer, I chose the couple I wanted, I saw the pictures and IT WAS THEM!!!  In my heart, I knew they were the ones.

    On Good Friday, the 17th, my mom drove up to be with me, hoping I would I would have the baby while she was there, as I was due on April 18th.  The 18th came and went and no baby...My mom was going to have to leave on Sunday.  But as luck would have it, I went into labor at about 1:30 in the morning.  I was so sick and scared and knew nothing on earth could be worse that having a baby.  At 1:55 pm on Easter Sunday, April 19, 1992, I had my baby.  I was sure surprised when the doctor asked if I wanted to hold my SON.  A boy!!  Not a girl like we had thought. I guess they were wrong after all!

    I won't ever forget the day he was born.  Nor, will I forget when the doctor laid him in arms.  He was beautiful. They even let my mom in (though they weren't supposed to).  He was the most precious thing I had ever held. I couldn't believe that he was part of ME.  As I laid there holding him, I remember telling my mom that while his parents were eating Easter dinner, I was having their baby.  I knew they would be happy to know that they had an Easter bunny...its strange the things you think and say at a time like that.

    I told him how special he was, not only because he was born on Easter, but because he was the luckiest little baby in the world.  He was going to be going to his new home very soon and that he would love it.  I told him he was going to have a big brother to teach him how to play football and a daddy to take him fishing and a mommy- a very special mommy- who would love him and care for him and wipe away the tears and who would pick him up when he fell....

    I had one week to spend with him. One week to sit and think about the choice I had to make that would forever be with me.   One week to last me a lifetime. It was a bittersweet 7 days. The last day was the hardest.  After I signed the papers we (my parents and I) were able to see him one last time.  I didn't spend long there that day. You would think I would have.... but I couldn't.  So, I told him how much I loved him and that I would always be apart of him but that his new parents needed him.  I think he knew we were saying good bye...I kissed him then handed him to the nurse...and he began to cry. And so did I.   I left that room with a piece of my heart missing.  I left apart of myself there that day...yet, I knew I was doing the right thing.  I had no questions, just a shattered heart.

    I know that in a lot of people’s eyes I was just a statistic, just another teenage pregnancy, but to Dustin’s parents I am what made their family complete... I made a family whole.  Without me and my love for my son, they could not have the wonderful family they have.

    I have received some pictures of Dustin through the years and 4 letters from his mom.  The one I liked the most was where she told me she knew one day the two pieces of the coin would come together and be made one. (I bought a necklace for us to share...I kept one half and I gave the other to him) I love him with my whole being and I know that one day that necklace will be put together.

    I was very lucky in that I had a family who supported me and let me make my own choices... so many girls out there don't and I think it's very unfair to them...Yes, at 17, I made choices that had serious consequences but I learned from them and grew from them.  I defiantly was not the same girl going home I was when I left. 

    Today's society often tries to makes birthmothers look bad... as if we were being selfish to ourselves and didn't love our children enough to care for them and raise them.  What they don't understand is that it's BECAUSE we loved them so much we let them go.  I loved Dustin ENOUGH that I knew I had to let him go.

    There used to be a commercial on T.V. that said, "Life.  What a beautiful choice".  Yes, it is.

    12 years later, I am married to a wonderful man who knew all about my son from the moment we met, and has been supportive of me ever since.  God has blessed us with 3 daughters...Kaydawn (I DID say that she could name the 1st granddaughter!) and my double blessings Kaelyn and Kylie.