My story is
confusing but I will explain it as best as I can. I was in a long term
relationship with this great guy named Tommy, we were together for almost
2yrs. We broke up because of some personal issues. By this time I was use
to having a man in my life and I wanted another one who could make me feel
the way Tommy did. I ended up meeting Shaun and we started out as friends
and after a few weeks we were dating.
After about 4
months I went to the doctors to start some sort of birth control because
we started to become active. I took a urine test and waited in the room
for my doctor. When my doctor came in the room he asked what type of birth
control I wanted and I told him. He looked at my chart to see if it was
the best one and then he looked at me and said "I don't think you will be
needing birth control for a while" that didn't click with me and I know I
must have looked puzzled so my doctor said "Your pregnant,
Congratulations"
My heart
dropped, and I think I turned pale. This was not my first pregnancy, but
it was my third. (I had 2 previous abortions) my
doctor wrote me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and told me to return
in 4 weeks.
I cried the
whole way home because I was happy, but then I was crying because I didn't
know how Shaun would react. I waited for him to get home and he seen that
I was crying and asked "What's Wrong?" I told him I was pregnant and his
immediate response was " We will get rid of it as soon as I get paid on
Friday." I said No, and I was going to keep this child and I would call
him in a few days after he calmed down. I waited 3 days and called him. He
wanted me to come over to talk, so I did. He wanted to keep the child and
we would start shopping for the baby. I was so happy we were going to have
a baby. I said goodnight to Shaun and I would see him tomorrow after he
got out of work so we could go shopping for baby stuff. I did not want to
tell my mom right away so I stayed quiet when I went home. I went over to
Shaun's house the next day and one of his roommates answered the door and
told me "Shaun moved out today but he did leave you this note." I took the
note and walked to my car. I read the note and this is what it said "I'm
sorry but I cant be a dad yet I'm 22yrs old and I still want my freedom
and you don't want to have an abortion so have fun raising the child on
our own." At the bottom of the letter he wrote "I Shaun sign over all
parental rights to the unborn child of Nichol." He also had 3 witnesses
sign it and he said he had a copy of his own in case I came after him for
child support. I broke down and cried. I knew it was time to go home and
tell my mom I was pregnant and about what just happened.
I went home
and told my mom everything, I thought she was going to be mad but she said
"What are you going to do?" I said I was going to keep the baby. I went
back to the doctors after a few weeks and I was 7 weeks pregnant and my
due date was January 26,2005. I started to think about how I was going to
raise my child alone, and with a job that doesn't pay well. I figured out
that after formula and dippers and a few things for the baby I was left
with $23.00 for the week to live on, I still had my bills to pay and
that's when I had to think about what was best for my child. I called my
doctor and asked if he knew any adoption agency's and he referred me to a
Lawyers office who handled with adoptions and surrogate mothers.
I called right
away and spoke with a woman named Maxine, I explained my story and we made
an appointment to meet face to face in a few weeks. Maxine wanted me to be
sure this is what I wanted to do. By the time Maxine and I met I was
already 12weeks along. I told her I wanted to continue with the thought of
adoption. She walked out of the room for a minuet and returned with about
5 big books with couples awaiting to adopt. I got to read each couples
back round and I read them as if I was a child to be adopted. I started to
feel hopeless because I was on the 5 book and did not find one family I
really liked until I got to Kim and Andy's profile. I must have reread
their profile about 3 times and I knew they were the ones I felt it in my
heart and my gut. we started my portion of the paper work and Maxine said
she was going to call Kim and Andy right away. About 2 hours later Maxine
called me and said When she spoke with them they were honored that I
wanted them to be the parents of my child.
I kept in
touch with Maxine all the time to let Kim and Andy know how my pregnancy
was progressing. When I found out I was having a girl I wanted them to
know so the could start buying things and start her nursery. Now, I am the
type of person who believes things happen for a reason and what happened
next was a blessing, I ran into my ex-boyfriend Tommy and we started to
talk and I told him my story about Shaun and that I was pregnant but I was
putting the child up for adoption. I also realized that I was still in
love with him and he felt the same way so we started dating again. Tommy
was by my side for the whole pregnancy.
Maxine called
me and said that Kim and Andy wanted to meet with me and asked if that was
alright with me and it was. I met them 3 weeks later and I was 7 months
pregnant by this time. I talked with them and I still knew the were the
perfect family for my child. We planned to meet again in a month. I was
more at ease now that I met her "parents". I asked them if they would mind
me composing a baby book for her, so she would know who I was and my
family, and put some pictures in it they thought that would be a great
idea.
On
Thanksgiving we had a family dinner and I thought that would be a perfect
time to tell everyone about the adoption. Everyone thought it was the best
thing I could do for me and my child, and they said they already knew and
my mom told them. The part that hurt me the most was no one wanted to get
close to me during the pregnancy because they didn't want to become
attached to the unborn child I was carrying.
I met with Kim
and Andy again and we talked about having them at the hospital I was going
to deliver at and I wanted them there but in the waiting room. I kept them
updated for my whole pregnancy like they were here except they weren't
because they live some where on the West Cost of Florida.
The next thing
I remember was my due date was right around the corner and I was started
to get scared. Maxine called me and asked some questions so she could tell
the hospital. I was going to have my mother and Tommy in the room while I
was delivering, and I wanted Kim and Andy at the hospital but in the
waiting room, and I wanted the baby in the room with me for all of my 48
hours (I could not sign any paper work until then). We were all getting so
nervous and anxious about the baby. Finally my due date came, but no baby!
My doctor wanted to induce me on February 3,2005 if she did not come
before then. Well I was admitted in the hospital on February 2 at 7:00 pm
to be induced the next morning.
I was induced
on February 3 at 5:00am. My doctor came around 9:00am and broke my water.
I was in so much pain, my contractions were not stooping they were about
10 seconds apart and I was 5cm dilated when I wanted something for the
pain. I had an epidural and fell asleep for a little bit. My mom and Tommy
went out to the waiting room to let Kim and Andy know what was going on.
My doctor came back to see me at 4:45pm and said I was ready to start
pushing. I could not feel a thing so I kept asking "am I pushing hard
enough" I guess I was because they put a mirror in front of me and I could
see the top of her head and all her hair.
At 5:27pm I
gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who was 6lbs 5oz, 20inches long. I
knew I was going to name her Hannah but I decided to ask her "parents"
what name the picked out for her and they said "Hannah" when I told them
that's what I named her we all started to cry because that was God's way
of telling all of us that it was meant to be.
I got to be
alone with my daughter for her first 48hours. I kept her with me the whole
time. I also stayed awake because I did not want to miss a single second
with her. I enjoyed feeding her, bathing her, and even changing her
diapers. She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen I held her in
my arms and told her why I was putting her up for adoption even thought I
know she wont remember it but it was to bring me some peace.
On February
5,2005 at 5:27 the Maxine came to the hospital with the papers I needed to
sign. I cried the whole time as I looked at my child for the last time
before I handed her to her parents.
I am currently
meeting with a counselor on a weekly bases to help me cope with
me feelings and emotions. I do cry a lot but their not tears of sorrow,
their tears of joy because I know my daughter is with a great family.
Pictures
