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Welcome to
Meet Olvia
Olvia's Story My story is rough so I am going to give you the hard truth. I was raped in the end of spring/early summer of 2004. I did not know that I was pregnant till I tried to commit suicide the 29th of September 04. The rape situation, memories, and nightmares were continuously getting to me. I was in utter depression and on the 29th I drank my depression away and the thought of killing myself sounded good. I felt that was my only escape of the nightmares and memories of the rape that played in my head over and over again. So I downed a bunch of aspirins not knowing that my 4 yr. old daughter was watching everything that I was doing. She ran to my mother & told her I was drinking & taking medicine while crying. (I hate myself for allowing her to see me that way.) My mother ran and called 911. Funny, but I knew the cop that came to my door. He patrolled the bar I worked at on Reggae night. He asked me what I was doing & I told him I just wanted it all to end. At the hospital they ran a bunch of tests, one of them was a pregnancy test, with the blood they drew from my veins. And the unexpected happened. They told me I was pregnant. I was devastated. How could I be pregnant with such an awful man that raped me? But yet I was angry at myself as well. How could I not know that I was pregnant? An ultrasound was done and it said that I was about 21 weeks pregnant. "Are you sure?" I asked them. But of course my period has been so abnormal. The same happened with my first. How did it not hit me before. Then I asked questions like: is the baby ok? Did the aspirin get into her system? Is she going to live? Then I became angry at myself, how could I have done this to my daughter & family. Why was I so stupid? Then I was discharged 3 days later. How was I going to tell my mother. What is she going to think? "What am I going to do?" I said to myself. I don’t know how I am going to be with this child. I know if I am going to hate and neglect this child because it was conceived by a rape. I don’t want to put this innocent child through that. Plus I cannot provide for this child too. I am getting ready to be evicted. Where would we live? Then I stumbled into Adoption by Shepard Care. And I decided that I was going to put her up for adoption. Not many people knew of my pregnancy. It was my mom, dad, my two sisters, my grandmother, and my great aunt. They told me that I was doing the right thing by putting her up for adoption. The day came for me to move into one of the agencies apartments. I was lucky that they let my daughter live with me. Although it was hard hiding the pregnancy from her I had to tell her that I was getting fat. I knew deep down in my heart that the decision that I had made was the right one. I shuffled through so many profiles but kept going back to Kobie and Jeff’s over and over again. And that was whom I chose. They are two wonderful people who will love this child I said to myself. As weeks went by I found myself rubbing my belly waiting for her to kick, move, or to get hiccups. I began to fall deeply in love with this child that I had with in me. Regardless of the fact that she was conceived by a rape. The more she grew that deeper my love for her grew. I knew then that I was making the right decision. I was giving her “hope” for a better future and a better life. Her soon to be parents showed me that they not only cared for her but they also cared for me and my 4 yr. old daughter Angelina her older sister. We talked on the phone constantly. Well the day came for her to be born. I went to the doctor’s on the morning of February the 10th 2005. I was almost 2 ½ weeks late. She was do the 30th of January of 2005. And they said “we are sending you to the hospital to be induced.” I believe that was the happiest I had ever been besides the birth of my other daughter. I was finally going to see the face and body of this beautiful child that was growing inside of me. I checked in the hospital at 2pm on February 10th 2005. And I had her that same day at 9:20pm. She weighed 7lbs 10oz. and was 19.3 inches long. I named her HOPE GARCIA. Even though her adopted parents had a name for her already. I named her HOPE because of 2 reasons. One I was giving her the hope of having a wonderful life with two wonderful parents. Two I named her HOPE because I am giving two wonderful people the chance to parent this wonderful child. I consider myself one of the fortunate birthmothers. Because I got to spend two wonderful days with my baby. (I say my baby because she is my baby and will always be my baby regardless of the fact that I am not the one who is raising her.) I was able to nurture her, hold her, kiss her, love her, and smell her sweet aroma as I watched her sleep peacefully in my arms. I never thought that I would love her so much. She was and is everything to me. The day came that I had to say good bye (but just for a little while until we meet again) I held her so tight in my arms as I kissed her on her cheek as I whispered in her beautiful little ear I LOVE YOU& I PROMISE WE WILL MEET AGAIN. As I placed her back I fell to my knees and cried my eyes. They had to wheel me out on a wheel chair. I will never forget that night February 12th 2005. I went home balling my eyes out. I woke up the next day and my eyes were swelled shut from all the crying that I did. The agency set up a meeting with Kobie, Jeff, Annika (Hope), Angelina my 4 yr. old, my mother Raysa, and me on February 14th 2005 (Valentines Day). My 4 yr. old at that point in time did not know that was her baby sister. But that sister bond was so strong. She fed her, held her, kissed her, and told her she loved her. It was so hard for me to see or hear that. It has been a month now that my daughter has been placed. And I know that she is in a better place and doing well. Her parents phone me from time to time, we email each other, write letters, and send pictures of each other. We have an open adoption more open than a lot of people. I know that she is in a better place but nothing help to ease the pain of her not being with me. Not a day goes by that I don’t cry. I miss my little girl. My little angel. I wrote her a poem titled MY LITTLE ANGEL. I also write in a journal as if I was writing to her about my everyday feelings. That helps a lot. But nothing can ease that emptiness that feeling that someone has ripped out you heart.
Pictures of Hope
Thanks for stopping by and
reading my story!
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