My name is Suzi, I’m 27 and I live In Iowa. I am married raising 4 children, Christian 12 (my step son), Cassi 7, Kyli 3, and Cody 2. This is my story on how I became a birth mom……

I found out I was pregnant the morning of my 16^th birthday. What a wonderful gift for a girl my age. I was in a relationship with my first “real love” at the time and even as I figured it out; I knew I couldn’t tell him or anyone else about my little miracle. I kept my secret to myself for about 3 months getting all of the decisions made for my baby and me. I wanted to have everything all figured out by the time I told the dad. All of my close friends knew something was going on, I just told them that I had a lot on my mind and was going through some stuff with my sister. I was pretty nervous about telling my boyfriend, I already knew what he would say about the pregnancy, that’s another reason I decided to wait until after my first trimester. He was pretty shaken about the whole thing until I told him that we were going to place our child for adoption because we were just too young to raise a baby. We were both juniors in high school. He said that he would do anything I wanted as long as I didn’t want to keep the baby because he wasn’t ready for one.

We went through the summer talking less and less often, I kept myself busy working two jobs to keep myself away from my parents so they didn’t figure out something was going on, and him just trying to stay away from me. A few days before our senior year he called me telling me that I had changed so he wanted to break up with me. Just by chance my sister walked into the room while we were talking just at the time I said what about our baby. After she recovered from the shock of finding out she gave me a week to tell our parents or she would tell them herself. By this time I was almost 7 months along so I knew that I had to let the news out sooner rather than later. A few days later I went to my school counselor and he helped me break the news to my mom. Thankfully mom said that she would tell dad that night after he got home from work. I was so afraid of them hating me. Right after school that day the dad and I drove out to his house to break the news to his mom. We told her about our plans to place the child and I’ll never forget the look on her face or the words that she said, “how can you do this to me”. I remember thinking you, what about me and the fact that your son just up and walked out of our lives.

My mom and dad went along with the decision I had made to place the baby both telling me that I was doing the best thing I could for this baby and giving him the best chance at life. They helped me find an agency and some counseling. I only had 2 ½ months left until the baby was going to be joining the world so we had a lot of work to do in just a little bit of time. Right as this was all going on word got out at our high school and I was having to deal with the stares, talking behind my back and names that go along with becoming pregnant in high school while my ex became a hero.

I went through the whole process of finding a set of adoptive parents for my baby and learning all about the different laws in my state. I found out that because of a very public adoption case recently that an open adoption wouldn’t be possible. This bothered me, but, I held on to the fact that the baby would be so much better and gain so much more by being raised by them that I held fast to my decision.

Finally the day came and I welcomed a 7lb 12oz baby boy into the world along with my mom and dad. We all spent as much time with him as possible over the next few days to show him as much love as we could so it would last his lifetime or until we next saw each other. I’ll never forget the day he left us; I’ve never felt so alone. My parents gave me the option of them helping me out and him staying with me but I just gave him one last kiss told him I loved him, and told him that I’ll be here when he’s ready for me even if it takes forever. Three months after my son was placed I was able to meet his adoptive parents. They were such nice people and set all of my fears aside. They even brought me pictures of him and asked me what dreams I had for him so they could give them to him for me. I was able to give them a picture of myself and some of him from when he was in the hospital so they would be able to show him some from after his birth like most children like to see. One of them was of me holding him but we couldn’t have my face in the picture. They told me that they would tell him that it was me and that I did spend time with him instead of leaving him alone. I had written a letter to them and one for our son for when he gets older and they took them with the plans to show him when he is old enough to understand the adoption. I found out that they were sharing his adoption story with him as his bedtime story every night so he always knew.

I was pretty numb for months after the adoption and my “true” friends and family stood by me waiting for it all to sink in. When it did it was pretty bad. I think I cried for months and tried to turn away from every person I loved. Thankfully with the help of my councilor I was able to put those feelings into perspective and see the sunshine again. Even now years later his birthday and holidays are hard, but I know that if I just take one day at a time I’ll be able to make it.

My birth son is now eleven years old. I have recently started back to college and will receive my degree in Business Administration in a few years. I still hope and pray every day for the chance to see my first angel one more time and count down the days until our records will be opened. I am very open about our adoption and all of my children know that they have an older brother. The last picture I have of my birth son from when he was two holds a place on my “bragging wall” along with pictures of our children and nieces and nephews. Every day the first and last thing I do is look up at his picture and tell him that I love him.