BirthMom Buds

 

When and How to Tell Your Child(ren) About the Child You Placed
By Suzi Thompson

 

After a mother has placed a child, moves forward in life, and goes on to have other children, one question that plagues her is when to tell the children she is raising about their birth sibling. If you have an open adoption you might feel the need to tell the children you are raising at a younger age than those with a semi-open or closed. I have a closed adoption and have gone on to have 3 children plus I gained a stepson when my husband and I got married. Here are some helpful tips on what I’ve done to break the ice with my kids and then to explain to them what adoption is and that they have a birth brother. 

 

- Think about the age you would want your birth child to find out that he/she is adopted, take that and implement in on the child(ren) you are raising.

- If your child is older, break the ice with the adoption discussion by finding a movie that is age appropriate that has a child or character who is adopted or has a birth sibling. Watch it together adding bits and pieces as to why they could be adopted. I did this with my stepson; I think the movie we started with was a power ranger movie.
- Find a book about adoption and do the same thing as with the movie.

- Ask them if they know of anyone from school who is adopted, or if they know what adoption is. (If your child doesn’t understand what adoption is and you can’t seem to explain it to them leave it alone and try another time. It’s never good to push it on them.)

- Tell your child your adoption story and why you placed.  If you have pictures of the child you placed share them with your child and even keep those pictures out for them to look at, it may take a while to sink in.

- Remind your child that you loved their brother or sister and that is the reason you decided to place.

- Most important of all; tell your child that you love both of them and that you didn’t place because you were angry and that there were reasons (maybe that you can’t explain right now) that you decided to place, and that they have nothing to worry about as far as that goes.

 

Just remember to be open and honest with your child. Be ready for questions.  Answer them to your fullest ability and if you feel that you cannot in order to protect others involved be open and honest with them and explain that you cannot tell them because of this. (Remember to explain on the child’s level a younger child won’t need as much as an older one would.) 

 

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